I used to be a perfectionist. Which also means that anything having to do with failure, or mistakes, ranked very low in my list of favorites. As a matter of fact, failure was a no-no. It was not ok to fail, make mistakes or stray from being, or even worse, looking less than perfect.
This is also the mentality that many working women, especially in Corporate America, are saddled with. In most corporations, or Big Corporate as I like to call it, you’re judged on how well you perform. Whether it’s your sales quota, your performance rate, or your ability to manipulate office politics, there is very little room for failure. When was the last time you’ve heard anyone being celebrated at work for learning from their mistakes? My point exactly…
The turning point for me happened when I started learning about entrepreneurship, and becoming an entrepreneur. The first time I read an article about Sara Blakely, the creator and CEO of the Spanx brand, recounting how her father used to ask daily both she and her brother what they failed at, I was amazed. Yet, she says that it’s because she was never afraid of failing that she was able to go from being a door-to-door saleswoman to building her extraordinary business. Many other entrepreneurs like Blakeley talk about the many failures they’ve had to endure and learn from before ultimately reaching the pinnacle of success.
As women, especially as working women accustomed to carrying the world on our shoulders and doing it all just because we can, failure tends to make us cringe. We tend to recoil at the thought that anyone would know that after all, we don’t have it all together. That we stumble and fall, sometimes more often than we actually have a handle on our lives or careers. Our failures tend to be very private, hidden as shameful occurrences we’re quick to swipe under the rug.
Yet, what if failures were actually incredible learning opportunities we keep missing out on out of a disproportionate and misplaced sense of shame? What if there was really nothing to be ashamed of when it came to our mistakes? And what if they were instead a sign that we were progressing and making strides forward?
A few years back, after failing at my umpteenth Certified Public Accountant (CPA) exam, I started keeping a failure journal. I would record every exam I failed, and everything I had to work on to prepare to re-take it. The more I thought about it, the more evident it became to me that I should expand this practice to other areas of my life. Needless to say, in the beginning, the process felt like sucking on sour lemons. Yet, it taught me some of the most important lessons about myself, my career and life I’ve ever learnt. From unearthing my deepest insecurities to exposing the areas I needed to work on, it was an eye-opener, and still is. Today, the word “failure” no longer paralyzes me, which is a far cry from the old “perfectionist” me.
If the very idea of failing at anything fills you with dread, consider facing it head-on instead. This is not about getting complacent about not succeeding in any area of your life. Rather, it’s about leaving society’s misconceptions about so-called failures behind. Anything you’re not succeeding at is teaching you a lesson. You never really lose, you only learn. However, you can only learn if you’re willing to embrace the experience and let go of the shame.
What’s your take on it: Would you keep a failure journal?
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sis.
