Go ahead and let go; Photo credit: http://citysearchblog.yellowpages.co.za

Happy Monday!

I’m afraid of heights, there I said it! I’m also afraid of losing control, even a little bit. Over the family budget, the kids’ clothing choices, or the direction of my life. And I’m not alone…From the time we’re asked as kids what we want to be when we grow up, society places a heck of a heavy expectation on us. We’re supposed to know at about 5 or 6 years of age the occupation that would fill our lives for decades to come. And we had better make the right choice…Are you going to be a doctor, or a lawyer sweetie?

I wanted to be Superwoman, and as it turns out, I did not strike out too far off. Neither did most of us…We are all superwomen alright, except our brand of superwomen is not as glamorous as we had initially thought. For many of us unsung career women struggling to “lean in” and sit our tired selves at the crowded corporate table, we’re super-everything, yet not quite as super-successful as we ought to be…And when you’re afraid of heights and losing control, that can be super-unnerving!

Could it be that the same expectations to figure out and control our destinies as we were growing up, are now robbing us of success? Could it be, maybe, that we were (and still are), given the message that we can fix it all by applying certain gymnastics principles (lean in, speak up, sit down, jump up) totally unrealistic for the way women’s lives are shaped… when in reality we never had any control over expectations which were not even of our making? That if we actually let go of our desire to fit in and resulting control inner control freaks, we could actually regain our power?

After all, doesn’t the most popular vocational development theory, the Self-Esteem Theory by Columbia psychologist Donald Super, around the traditional career mindset totally obliterate women’s realities? By outlining the three stages of Establishment (20-30years), Maintenance (30-50 years) and Disengagement (50 and over), this model totally forgot about women having and raising children, or ethnic minorities even being part of this ideal picture. And what had happened was, we were given this model as a whole society, and taught to mold our lives and careers after it. And when we, as women tried to take control of it, we kept failing miserably…

And then we were told to act more like men, and stills subscribe to the myth that we can have it all at the same time? So we took up the challenge, vowed to keep it all under control, from our careers to the best partners, not to forget the safest way to freeze our precious eggs…

What we may not have realized is as long as we don’t let go of our fear to be inadequate as women and not fitting in the mold, we will stand in the way of our success, right there at the edge of the plank…

So go ahead, let go, do your best, on your terms…

Happy monday!

The Corporate Sis.