Potty Training – Photo credit: http://2.bp.blogspot.com

We’re currently in the throes of potty training our last one. If you’ve ever tried potty training a two-year old who has no idea why you’d want them to sit on an open bowl, or separate from anything coming from their own bodies, including their own feces, you know this is closer to boot camp than tea time. A great manager of mine, who at the time was also going through the fun of potty training, wisely said to me: “It’s like good management, you’ve got to learn to get the worst out of people before you can get the best.” Back then, it made me smile, this past week-end, it made me seriously question my management skills as I insistently interrogated my toddler “Baby, is this poop or chocolate?”

The average age for potty training around the world is 23 months, allegedly (not in my household, but anyhow…). Most children will be fully trained within three to six months, and 98% of kids are potty trained by age 3. Despite such statistics, the long-lasting psychological effects of potty training, mostly know through Freud’s theories, can last a lifetime, and can be especially challenging for complex or special-needs personalities. This is all to say it just doesn’t happen overnight, and requires some attention, discipline, and careful handling of individual personalities. Just like good management…

1. Good management requires knowing who you’re working with: Listen, not every kid is the same, and not every employee is the same. I was dealt some beautifully challenging little people, who have to know the why’s and how’s of potty training inside out. Why do I have to poop in the toilet? What’s that (must we answer)? Why YOU don’t sit on the potty? The same goes for each and everyone of us at work. Some of us want to understand the why of everything, others could care less, others want to know the most efficient (and faster) way to do things, other will ponder on details all day every day. Bottom line: we’re all different, to get the best out of people, you’ve got to know who they are and how they work best. Period.
2. It’s about helping others succeed: That means understanding what’s standing in their way, and helping them remove their own roadblocks. What it does NOT mean is imposing roadblocks, and ensuing punishment, on individuals who are simply trying to do their best. In psychoanalytical terms, Freud would have called this “anal retentive” behavior, in reference to a child being punished during potty training, in turn becoming stubborn and overly orderly. It’s about helping here, not hindering.
3. Leading by example is key: I had to sit on the toilet next to my little one for hours on end to show my support to the process. Half of it was bonding time, the other half had my bum painfully asleep. Yet it was necessary. Managers who lead from afar are ineffective and intimidating. The real winners are those who get in the trenches with their teams, get dirty and help get the job done. Period.
4. Good managers are ok with being vulnerable: We’ve been taught in order to make it, especially in the harsh, “beat or get beaten” corporate world, we must be tough. Especially when it comes to women at work, showing vulnerability is a big no-no. You can’t get mad at work, you definitely can’t cry at work, lest your whole career is drowned in a stream of sorry tears. In other words, keep your emotions shoved inside, plaster a big smile on your face, and get to work! Right? Wrong…Good managers, actually great managers, use their emotions as a competitive advantage for their team, and are willing to open up and be seen. In the book “Daring Greatly“, Dr. Brene Brown confirms “there can be no innovation without vulnerability”. No wonder we’re sorely lacking in better businesses…
5. Last but not least, sharing is caring! Part of our potty training ritual at home consists in showing we care, and sharing what we’ve learned and what we’ve really sucked at. That is, the good, the bad, the ugly, and a good lollipop to reward good effort. Good managers share information, instead of hoarding it for fear of letting go of their competitive advantage (which it never was meant to be). Passing on knowledge and best practices is the foundation of leadership.

   Maybe we should all return to the basics. Now back to my interrogation session: “Baby, tell mommy, is it poop or chocolate? (oh, it better be chocolate)…