by Solange Lopes | Dec 22, 2017 | Find Your Purpose
I used to be a perfectionist. Which also means that anything having to do with failure, or mistakes, ranked very low in my list of favorites. As a matter of fact, failure was a no-no. It was not ok to fail, make mistakes or stray from being, or even worse, looking less than perfect.
This is also the mentality that many working women, especially in Corporate America, are saddled with. In most corporations, or Big Corporate as I like to call it, you’re judged on how well you perform. Whether it’s your sales quota, your performance rate, or your ability to manipulate office politics, there is very little room for failure. When was the last time you’ve heard anyone being celebrated at work for learning from their mistakes? My point exactly…
The turning point for me happened when I started learning about entrepreneurship, and becoming an entrepreneur. The first time I read an article about Sara Blakely, the creator and CEO of the Spanx brand, recounting how her father used to ask daily both she and her brother what they failed at, I was amazed. Yet, she says that it’s because she was never afraid of failing that she was able to go from being a door-to-door saleswoman to building her extraordinary business. Many other entrepreneurs like Blakeley talk about the many failures they’ve had to endure and learn from before ultimately reaching the pinnacle of success.
As women, especially as working women accustomed to carrying the world on our shoulders and doing it all just because we can, failure tends to make us cringe. We tend to recoil at the thought that anyone would know that after all, we don’t have it all together. That we stumble and fall, sometimes more often than we actually have a handle on our lives or careers. Our failures tend to be very private, hidden as shameful occurrences we’re quick to swipe under the rug.
Yet, what if failures were actually incredible learning opportunities we keep missing out on out of a disproportionate and misplaced sense of shame? What if there was really nothing to be ashamed of when it came to our mistakes? And what if they were instead a sign that we were progressing and making strides forward?
A few years back, after failing at my umpteenth Certified Public Accountant (CPA) exam, I started keeping a failure journal. I would record every exam I failed, and everything I had to work on to prepare to re-take it. The more I thought about it, the more evident it became to me that I should expand this practice to other areas of my life. Needless to say, in the beginning, the process felt like sucking on sour lemons. Yet, it taught me some of the most important lessons about myself, my career and life I’ve ever learnt. From unearthing my deepest insecurities to exposing the areas I needed to work on, it was an eye-opener, and still is. Today, the word “failure” no longer paralyzes me, which is a far cry from the old “perfectionist” me.
If the very idea of failing at anything fills you with dread, consider facing it head-on instead. This is not about getting complacent about not succeeding in any area of your life. Rather, it’s about leaving society’s misconceptions about so-called failures behind. Anything you’re not succeeding at is teaching you a lesson. You never really lose, you only learn. However, you can only learn if you’re willing to embrace the experience and let go of the shame.
What’s your take on it: Would you keep a failure journal?
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Dec 22, 2017 | Career
Welcome to our weekly career, entrepreneurship, lifestyle and fashion news roundup! Think of it as your online watercooler/work gossip station/coffee break spot for now…Want to add anything to our list? Email us at corporate@thecorporatesister.com!
Cheers!
The Corporate Sister.
by Solange Lopes | Dec 21, 2017 | Make More Money
Ask a CPA_ 3 Can’t Miss Tax Savings for New Parents
Congratulations on becoming a new parent! Not only is this a major life-changing event, it also has some seriously positive tax implications. There are several tax benefits available to new parents, as well as considerations to take into account as you plan your new child’s future.
First off, keep in mind that in order to claim your child as a dependent, s/he would need a Social Security card first. Make sure to take care of this as soon as your child is born, in order to claim them as a dependent as soon as possible. Remember that even if your child is born on December 31, you can still claim him/her for the entire year. Additionally, you may want to submit a new W-4 at work in order to adjust your tax withholding status.
Here are some tax savings to keep in mind as your family starts growing:
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Check if your employer offers a dependent care Flexible Spending Arrangement (FSA).
Take advantage of any dependent care Flexible Spending Arrangement offered by your employer as a tax benefit. FSAs allow you to contribute on a pre-tax basis $5,000 towards childcare. This is $2,000 over the normal contribution limit of $3,000, and you should definitely take advantage of it.
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Invest in a 529 Plan.
Even if you can’t fund it right away, consider opening a 529 plan for your new addition. Even minimal monthly contributions can add up over time. Additionally, consulting a financial planner on a yearly basis to discuss your current financial standing as well as your college savings goals can prove rewarding as you plan your child’s future. Also keep in mind that grandparents are allowed to fund a 529 plan, so encourage them to help as well.
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Use a tax pro!
Don’t let the variety of tax deductions and credits available to you as a new parent overwhelm you. Instead, consider hiring the services of a tax professional to avoid mistakes as you do your taxes yourself.
Becoming a new parent is one of the most exciting milestones you’ll ever reach. Congratulations on this new part of your journey, and don’t hesitate to consult a tax professional to answer any questions you may have!
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Dec 20, 2017 | Working Mom & Woman Tips |
10 Things NEVER to Say To A Mom Who’s Had a C-Section
If you’re a woman who’s ever had a C-section, you know how challenging of a process it can be. In addition to being traumatic for many women who have had to suffer emergency procedures to deliver their babies, at the cost of their own lives. If you’re a woman who hasn’t had to endure one, this is not to speak against anyone. However, we all know that giving birth is such a precious and precarious process which puts both mother and child between life and death.
It’s also the reason why I’m utterly amazed at some of the words and slights spoken at any woman who’s had a C-section. Having gone through the C-section experience myself, I have been at the end of many of these. From some women questioning the legitimacy of my womanhood, to inappropriate questions about how I gave birth, I’ve heard it all…Interestingly enough, I never addressed these directly, for the simple reason that I didn’t know how to. I know I’m not the only one either…
So many women are suffering silently under the false stigma surrounding C-sections, especially in certain cultures. There is this untrue image that giving birth naturally represents some sort of badge of honor. The only badge of honor is from God and represents the gift of life. Which also means that it’s not exactly up to us to determine anyone’s worth based on our opinion of who they are, what they do, or anything really…
10 Things NEVER to Say To A Mom Who’s Had a C-Section
While many comments come from a place of misinformation and miseducation, they are still damaging. From my own and so many other women’s experiences, here are 10 things NEVER to say to a woman who’s had a C-section:
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So, is that giving birth, technically?
FYI: Giving birth is the process of bringing forth life. This means that regardless of the delivery experience, the act of carrying life IS giving birth. Even if it doesn’t come from a bad place, refrain from taking any of this experience away from a mom who’s had a C-section. Period.
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You’ll never experience giving birth naturally
I remember standing in absolute shock as this woman said these exact words to me. Although I thought I was mentally prepared and had heard just about anything about C-sections, this took me by absolute surprise.
Make no mistake, such a statement, or anything close to it, is not only of bad taste, but it is incredibly cruel. However, it only reveals ignorance and an extreme lack of compassion. Don’t be that person.
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It must be so easy to give birth by C-section
FYI: C-sections are major surgeries, for which women undergoing it are awake. Then these same women get sent home a couple of days after being cut open, with some medication and a new human life to care for! Think about it, most people undergoing major surgery are sent home with prescription painkillers and ordered to rest!
Add to it the struggle to care for your surgery wound, to use the bathroom, or to simply walk around! We may need to reframe the definition of “easy”, huh?
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You’re so lucky to have given birth by C-section
Many, if not most, women undergo C-sections after extensive labor, and in order to save their child’s life. These are women who suffer through BOTH labor, surgery and the trauma of fearing for theirs and their child’s health. Don’t assume that social media images of wealthy women opting for C-sections is what happens to everyone. And don’t downplay the trauma affecting so many women!
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You can try again next time to do it naturally!
The process of life and being born is a NATURAL process! What you may mean by “natural” is “vaginal birth”. In which case this statement may have to be rephrased.
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At least, you’re intact down there
Getting cut open while a child is being taken out of you doesn’t exactly fall under the “intact” category. Or maybe there’s no need to compare. At all.
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At least, the baby’s healthy
Yes, and that is why many women undergo C-sections. However, that woman standing in front of you also has worth and feelings too. Acknowledge her process as well, because every time a child is born, a mother is being born as well.
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You don’t have to pee yourself, at least
FYI: Having a weakened pelvic floor is not correlated to how you give birth. As a matter of fact, it can happen to any woman for the simple fact of being pregnant. So eventually, we may all end up sharing those Depends diapers.
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That’s too bad.
Giving birth (refer to point #1) is a miracle, and an absolute joy, regardless of how it happened! So please don’t dampen this whole magical experience. Everyone’s healthy, it’s a happy time!
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Don’t worry, the statistics about C-sections are (insert statistics)
When you meet someone who reduces your entire experience to a bunch of statistics, albeit accurate. And you just want to tell them to be happy with you, let it go, and leave the Birth Encyclopedia alone…
Here’s to all the brave mothers, biological or by heart, who devote their lives to nurturing others! You are worthy, you are enough, you are loved!
The Corporate Sis
by Solange Lopes | Dec 20, 2017 | Career
How to write your Career Vision Statement
“You can’t be what you can’t see”. You may have heard this phrase before, and so have I. Not only have I heard it, I have come to make it a powerful principle in my career and life in general. It’s also the reason why I started creating a Career Vision Statement for myself, because rather than hoping and wishing, I wanted to see where I wanted to be and what I wanted to do in the future.
Your Career Vision Statement is the equivalent of a mental picture of what inspires you and where you aspire to be. These are not expectations from society or what others think about you, or want you to do. It’s about your own view of success according to your personal values and interests. The reason why a Career Vision Statement is so powerful is because it helps draw out a path for your work, create meaning behind it and direct your actions as you move towards your career purpose.
How to write your Career Vision Statement-2
This study revealed that one of the reasons why women persisted in fields as challenging as STEM was because they had a “personal vision”. A strong Career Vision Statement will keep you inspired, motivated and engaged.
As a working woman, having a Career Vision Statement has helped me face and overcome discrimination, bias and barriers in the workplace. I believe it can also help you achieve bigger and better things in your work.
Here are three simple steps to create your Career Vision Statement:
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Define who you want to be and what you want to do
It’s important to be as honest with yourself as possible about who you really are and what you really want to do when it comes to your career. Many of us have a flawed vision of who we should be, based on feedback from friends and families, or expectations that are not in aligned with who we are.
Instead, ask yourself: “Who do I want to be?” “What do I want to do?” Through this process, do not settle for second best. Let go of logical thinking and pragmatism. Turn off those negative voices and dare to think “big”. Anything is possible!
Here are a few questions you can ask yourself:
- How do you define career success?
- What type of job or career do you envision yourself doing?
- What would you do if money weren’t a concern?
- If no obstacles stood in your way, what would you like to achieve your career?
- Who are the people you most admire?
- What does your life look like once you achieve success?
- Do you have a gift or calling?
- What do you love to do?
- Where would you like to be in 1 year? 5 years?
- What makes you special?
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Recognize what you need to do to get there
Reality check: There’s a gap between the “who” you want to be, and the real you at the moment. This is not to beat yourself up for not having reached the levels of success you’re aspiring to.
Your Career Vision Statement is a great place to devise HOW you intend to make your professional vision come true. Think about a few steps you can put into action to illustrate ways you can get to achieve your career goals.
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Review periodically!
Review your Career Vision Statement periodically, preferably as often as possible! I keep mine in my wallet and try and read it at least once a week, if not multiple times a week. I find that every time I read it, I get a boost of self-confidence and motivation.
Make it a habit to review your Career Vision Statement and update it regularly.
Have you written your Career Vision Statement?
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sis
