by Solange Lopes | Dec 26, 2017 | Find Your Purpose
The holidays can be the most wonderful time of the year. They can also be the most stressful, aggravating, and a direct path to financial ruin, in addition to awakening all your past family feuds and your need to hit the gym, but I digress. For many, it can also be a time of grief or nostalgia over far-away family, people they’ve lost, or financially dire situations.
As an immigrant, while it’s a time of joy and family bonding, I’m always reminded of the part of my family that is not with me. The parents, siblings, and dear friends scattered all over the world who don’t get to celebrate with me unless we happen to be in the same geographical area. The loved ones we’re fortunate to see on social media or on Facetime, but can’t hug close. Yet, we still have to find peace with it all…
Sometimes, navigating the highs and lows of the holidays is just a matter of finding peace in the midst of it all. Here are a few ways to create a little more of that, and a lot less of the not-so-good stuff:
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Get organized
The holidays are usually a busy time of year. This also means that you will be overwhelmed with so much to do and not enough time to accomplish it all. I used to wait until the last minute to rush and try to get everything done. Something about the adrenaline rush…
Yet, I’ve learnt to actually come prepared and have a plan to tackle the holidays. Whether it’s making a list ahead of time, schedule your shopping activities, or pre-make some meals, find ways to get organized and minimize the stress.
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Take care of you
Take some time to unwind and rest over the holidays. Many of us usher in a new year with loads of stress instead of peace and tranquility, simply because we won’t take a break!
As much as we may have a to-do list filled to the brim, it’s ok to stop and observe a pause! This may mean leaving some emails unanswered, skipping social media and not worrying about the house being in tip-top shape. Instead, you will have a chance to recharge your batteries and come back fresher and more energized than ever!
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Do something for someone else
I’ve learnt over time that the best way to solve my own problems is to help someone else. There’s something about coming to others’ aid that fills us with peace. At a time when we’re so hurried and stressed out, helping others may just be what we need.
Whether it’s a simple phone call to a relative, volunteering at a local shelter, or offering a total stranger a cup of coffee, try doing something for someone else. Anything.
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Let it go!
Do you notice how the holidays can seem to awaken a host of difficult feelings we may have buried inside forever? It may be a sign that it’s time to let go of those challenging emotions and feelings that cost us so much of our peace of mind.
Whether it’s bitterness, resentment, anger or simply confusion, let it go. Opt instead for not having all the answers, and focusing on what makes your soul smile. It’s a win-win.
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Forgive yourself for what you didn’t know
As you let go of the internal turmoil that may plague you, also consider forgiving yourself. We don’t often realize how much we hold ourselves hostage to our own expectations as well as those of others. The end result is as debilitating as it is damaging to our peace and progress.
Forgive yourself for what you didn’t know, didn’t do well, or failed at. Turn these into lessons instead, and make peace with where you are on the way to where you’re going.
How do you find peace over the holidays?
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sister.
by Solange Lopes | Dec 26, 2017 | Career
Being a woman of color at work also means facing unique challenges, such as being the only one in the room or fighting the proverbial “concrete ceiling” in business. This also means that fitting in can be an uphill battle, especially in environments with blatant racial bias or covered stereotypes. In many instances, we may feel that we have to compromise on our true values in order to be accepted as who we are. Or that we must leave ourselves at the office door for fear of being rejected. However, how effective is it to compromise one’s integrity for success, at work or anywhere else for that matter?
As a woman of color at work in Big Corporate, I found myself in many cases wondering about how I could fit in better at work. As an African immigrant, a Black woman hailing from a richly diverse background, being in rooms where I was the only one had me constantly pondering on ways to fit in better without selling out. As an introvert, the challenge was amplified even more.
Most will tell you to just “come as you are”, “be who you are”, you know, “do you”. In many contexts, this is definitely sound advice. Yet, when your paycheck and by extension your professional future, depends in large part from how you are perceived, dynamics may operate a tad differently. When you have to wonder whether wearing your hair natural may cost you the promotion, or if sounding a certain way will disqualify you from advancement opportunities, the game changes.
For many, if not most of us, being double minorities in the workplace goes without saying. Fitting in with integrity in some work environments may not always be possible. However, as all challenges, deciding to use this as a constructive, rather than destructive, experience is a matter of perspective. I’d personally rather go the constructive route, with a few principles to keep in mind whenever we wonder about fitting in at work as women of color:
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Assess your environment
All professional environments are not made equal. Which also means you may need to assess yours as best as you can. There are silent codes and understated office politics at play in any professional setting. Understanding these can go a long way towards figuring out how best to approach your own career progression.
This is not about “selling out” or compromising your integrity to adapt to a give professional environment. It’s about being able to navigate the power plays that are inevitably in action at work.
Who are the people you work with in terms of their personalities, processes and even triggers? How do the dynamics of your particular office work? What have been the experiences of other women, more particularly women of color? The more information you can gather about your work environment, the better positioned you will be.
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Keep professional at all costs
The capital rule at work can be summed up in one word: “Professionalism”. When in doubt, ALWAYS keep professional! When wondering if you fit in, or how to fit in to your team, department or company in general, go the professional route!
The reality is that no one shows up exactly as they are at work. It would have been much easier to spot hidden agendas and other work shenanigans then. Yet what will always pay off is to put professionalism first!
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Be professional, but don’t hide out!
Yes, we all wear a mask at work, in one way or another, because: office politics, paycheck needed, urgent coffee need, etc. However, for many women of color at work, it also means that we tend to hide out for fear of not fitting in and being ill-perceived. In turn, it stifles our contributions and impedes our growth.
Sometimes, the best way to fit in is to stand out! Diversity is the catalyst of innovation and progress. However, many times we don’t tell our stories, don’t raise our hands and sit at the back of the room to keep the status quo. It’s up to us to educate, share and empower ourselves and others with our work, stories and initiative.
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Be open-minded
As women of color at work, we may be the only ones at the table. Or in the cubicle, while the conversation is going on at the table. As much as we may face challenges, it’s also important to be open-minded.
Not everything is negatively directed at you, not everyone is out to get you. Sometimes, it’s about showing up more, speaking your mind, doing your best work, telling your story. Sometimes, it’s about educating the rest of the world on things they may not necessarily know or realize. Every time, it’s about creating an opportunity to learn, grow and become better, for all parties involved.
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Create your own path
Fitting in as a woman of color at work may also mean creating your own path. No two careers are alike. Neither are two businesses, or life paths for that matter. As much as we may look at what others are doing, be it mentors, colleagues or successful people around us, respecting the uniqueness of our own professional trajectories is key.
For some, it may mean starting a business. For others, it may mean presenting a different perspective at work. For most, it may also be about paying heavy dues to push back the corporate “concrete wall”. Whatever “it” may be, let it lead you to better yourself and others.
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Make peace with your story
At times, the internalized mental stories and societal stereotypes we pick up as part of our journey as women of color can stand in our way. It’s important to make peace with them, and leaving the associated pressure behind.
I found it was much easier to assume my uniqueness at work when I stopped worrying about what happened before, or what society would want me to believe about myself.
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Mentor another woman of color
Last but not least, one of the best ways for women of color to fit in at work is to mentor other women, especially other women of color. There’s a need for our particular experiences, challenges and journeys to be shared and used to educate those coming after us.
Keep striving, keep working, but most importantly, keep the door open for others! Be willing to share your story, bring another woman to the room, sit with them at the table. Be a mentor.
What’s your take on it?
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Dec 23, 2017 | Career
If you look at the statistics around women of color at work, whether in corporate careers or businesses, the related rates of success are dismal. It is obvious that even when we make it, only a few of us get to reach to the pinnacle of success. Only a few of us get to attain the peaks of corporations, or climb to the summits of business. Where every other woman faces a glass ceiling, we face concrete walls. Where one of us succeeds, thousands are lagging behind.
While there is a notable lack of opportunities for women of color at work, there are also destructive mindsets that continuously keep us behind. One of these can be summarized in these few words: Not Enough Room for all of us.
It’s a mindset rooted in scarcity that teaches us that there can never be enough opportunities for more than a handful of us. As a result, it pits us against each other, leaving us to compete for the “Queen Bee” spot at the top of whatever ladder we may find ourselves on. The result? Less women of color in position of power and influence coupled with a growing sense of mistrust and lack of collaboration among us.
Changing our reality starts with changing our mindsets from a place of scarcity to one of abundance. Contrary to what society seems to suggest, there is enough room for women of color to rise in all career or business areas. Diversity is the conduit of innovation and progress. However, it starts with us refraining from believing that there are limited spots for success, and instead claiming and creating the spaces and opportunities we need to flourish.
Here are a few ways we can as women of color leave the “Not Enough Room for all of us” mindset behind and move forward in our lives, careers or businesses:
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Work on ourselves
As women of color at work, we face unique challenges. From facing a blatant lack of diversity at work to sometimes overt discrimination, the obstacles are many. Which also requires us to be more prepared to face these roadblocks mentally, emotionally, spiritually and even physically.
Taking care of ourselves is a must. Working on our mindsets is indispensable. This means being willing to take time aside to develop ourselves through adequate education, training and self-improvement. It means investing in the curriculums, books, coaches and programs to strive in our careers, businesses and lives.
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Foster increased collaboration between women of color
As women in general, it can be hard to trust others, especially other women. Popular mindsets and social stereotypes portrayed in mainstream and social media have us believing in competition rather than collaboration.
It is up to us to fight these stereotypes and seek increased collaboration opportunities between women of color. It may require us to step outside of our comfort zones or challenge pre-conceived notions we may have been raised with. However, it’s only through collaboration that we can get to make a real difference.
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Increase mentorship opportunities
One of the main reasons why women in general, and women of color in particular, don’t reach higher levels in their careers or businesses, is lack of mentorship. Very few women of color get access to quality mentors who can help them achieve higher levels of success. For most of us, mentorship is considered a privilege.
As we advance in our own careers or businesses, let’s consider mentoring other women of color. As we have access to rooms closed to other women of color, let’s consider teaching those behind us how to unlock them as well. It’s also important for us to accept to be mentored and receive the many advantages of mentoring as a benefit, rather than a hindrance to our lives and careers.
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Create and sustain more businesses
Entrepreneurship has never been more of an equalizer as today. Women of color are starting businesses at higher rates than ever. The more women of color are able to create and sustain thriving businesses, the more we can create opportunities for a larger number of women.
Businesses are being created in a plethora of new markets every single day by women. This goes to show that there is indeed room for women in general, and women of color in particular, to move forward in their lives, careers and businesses.
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Bring another woman of color with you
Along with mentoring other women of color, we can simply bring one with us as we evolve through our own careers and lives. This may mean inviting a fellow sister to a strategic team meeting, introducing her to a new networking group, or just putting a word in her favor.
Every time we’re stepping in rooms where there are no or not enough women of color, we should ask ourselves how we can change the situation for the better.
What’s your take: Do you agree that this mindset keeps women of color behind?
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Dec 22, 2017 | Find Your Purpose
I used to be a perfectionist. Which also means that anything having to do with failure, or mistakes, ranked very low in my list of favorites. As a matter of fact, failure was a no-no. It was not ok to fail, make mistakes or stray from being, or even worse, looking less than perfect.
This is also the mentality that many working women, especially in Corporate America, are saddled with. In most corporations, or Big Corporate as I like to call it, you’re judged on how well you perform. Whether it’s your sales quota, your performance rate, or your ability to manipulate office politics, there is very little room for failure. When was the last time you’ve heard anyone being celebrated at work for learning from their mistakes? My point exactly…
The turning point for me happened when I started learning about entrepreneurship, and becoming an entrepreneur. The first time I read an article about Sara Blakely, the creator and CEO of the Spanx brand, recounting how her father used to ask daily both she and her brother what they failed at, I was amazed. Yet, she says that it’s because she was never afraid of failing that she was able to go from being a door-to-door saleswoman to building her extraordinary business. Many other entrepreneurs like Blakeley talk about the many failures they’ve had to endure and learn from before ultimately reaching the pinnacle of success.
As women, especially as working women accustomed to carrying the world on our shoulders and doing it all just because we can, failure tends to make us cringe. We tend to recoil at the thought that anyone would know that after all, we don’t have it all together. That we stumble and fall, sometimes more often than we actually have a handle on our lives or careers. Our failures tend to be very private, hidden as shameful occurrences we’re quick to swipe under the rug.
Yet, what if failures were actually incredible learning opportunities we keep missing out on out of a disproportionate and misplaced sense of shame? What if there was really nothing to be ashamed of when it came to our mistakes? And what if they were instead a sign that we were progressing and making strides forward?
A few years back, after failing at my umpteenth Certified Public Accountant (CPA) exam, I started keeping a failure journal. I would record every exam I failed, and everything I had to work on to prepare to re-take it. The more I thought about it, the more evident it became to me that I should expand this practice to other areas of my life. Needless to say, in the beginning, the process felt like sucking on sour lemons. Yet, it taught me some of the most important lessons about myself, my career and life I’ve ever learnt. From unearthing my deepest insecurities to exposing the areas I needed to work on, it was an eye-opener, and still is. Today, the word “failure” no longer paralyzes me, which is a far cry from the old “perfectionist” me.
If the very idea of failing at anything fills you with dread, consider facing it head-on instead. This is not about getting complacent about not succeeding in any area of your life. Rather, it’s about leaving society’s misconceptions about so-called failures behind. Anything you’re not succeeding at is teaching you a lesson. You never really lose, you only learn. However, you can only learn if you’re willing to embrace the experience and let go of the shame.
What’s your take on it: Would you keep a failure journal?
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Dec 22, 2017 | Career
Welcome to our weekly career, entrepreneurship, lifestyle and fashion news roundup! Think of it as your online watercooler/work gossip station/coffee break spot for now…Want to add anything to our list? Email us at corporate@thecorporatesister.com!
Cheers!
The Corporate Sister.
