by Solange Lopes | Dec 8, 2016 | Career
Q: I’m an introvert and have zero interest in attending the office holiday party. Can I just skip it? I’m worried that it may affect my career and relationships with my colleagues and leaders. Thoughts?
A: Dear Introvert, I so hear you. As an introvert myself, there’s nothing like the prospect of being in close quarters with my entire office that could send me more into panic mode. And I have skipped one or two office holiday parties myself….
But (there’s always a but, right?) there’s an upside to showing up at holiday gatherings at work. Aside from the free dinner/upgraded snacks and the ticketed drinks (hello moderation), these events are also great opportunities to build strong connections.
As introverts, we strive on real connections, not so much on small talk and mass networking.
What I’ve done over the years is focus on those real connections. First off, I would coordinate with trusted friends and colleagues so as to head to the event together. Something to do with the whole “strength in numbers” ….
I’d also set objectives, like introducing myself to at least one person I feel I could build a solid connection with . It could be a future mentor, someone I’ve been saying hi to in passing, or even a colleague I felt close to. I know the concept of objectives for a holiday party doesn’t exactly sound like fun or festive, but it helps me not get overwhelmed.
And last but not least, I would make peace with leaving early. No obligation to burn the midnight oil here..
So if you’re still thinking of skipping the office holiday party, I would understand. But if you can try these few introvert-oriented tips, you may just have found a healthy (and introvert-happy) compromise.
What do you think? Would you advise to skip the office holiday party?
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Dec 8, 2016 | Career
Our Wear to Work feature showcases a piece of attire or accessory for business and professional women.
Crystal Collar Necklace – Photo credit: shopstyle.com
‘Tis the season of festive holiday events, and…festive fashion to go along with it, even at work! I love adding a touch of festive bling to my work wardrobe during the holiday season to stay in the spirit! Like this Baublebar crystal collar necklace from Nordstrom, for instance. The delicate pattern is elegant and stands out on its own, without looking too overbearing for work.This necklace is $34.80 at Nordstrom!
Similar to it, I also like this Araz crystal beauty, also from Baublebar and available at Nordstrom. Or this delicate vintage-inspired Araski number in blush.
Which one is your fave?
Fashionably Yours,
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Dec 8, 2016 | Working Mom & Woman Tips
So our family finally caught up with the #ElfontheShelf tradition this year. After much deliberation (which in “mommy brain time” means about ten seconds of uninterrupted free thinking), it was decided…So I went on the hunt for what would be our very own #Elfontheshelf, you know, the one that would fit into our slightly crazy, laundry-challenged, on-the-run family of four…
And on a damp Sunday morning after church, I found her in a corner of a Kohl’s store, the last girl #ElfontheShelf from the entire store inventory. It was love girl crush at first sight! Of course, it had to be a girl, because girls can do anything and Mommy’s way too much of a feminist to put the slightest dent into her lifelong theory on gender equality…Even when it comes to toys and the magic of the holidays…
Elf on the Shelf
So there I was, female Elf on the Shelf in hand, feminist pride in tow, toting our brand new tradition back home on a damp December morning. After an elaborate and quite spirited trick, which included the hubby hiding the car around the corner, ringing the bell and leaving the Elf package at the doorstep, Snowflake was officially adopted in the family. Which also meant as new parents, we implicitly signed on the invisible dotted line of the holiday magic, promising to perpetuate the tradition of the Elf going back to the North Pole to report on the kids’ behavior every night and coming back to crash in a new spot every morning.
As with any adoption of a new family member, there’s bound to be hiccups. Which may or may not include forgetting to move Snowflake a couple of nights and having to come up with semi-scientific justifications accompanied with straight parental faces. Or resorting to the unethical excuse of an inanimate object to get little people to behave in the interest of getting more inanimate objects to celebrate spending more money and having more stuff….Don’t judge us…
But (and there’s always a but), there are also always some lessons to be learnt as we tiptoe the fine line between wise parenting, cute holiday traditions and the need to just pee alone once in a great while. And for us, it came in the form of five interesting take-aways from adopting a girl elf in our slightly crazy, laundry-challenged household:
There’s Magic In Movement.
“Why does the Elf have to move all the time, Mommy?”
And why do these kids come up with questions that force you to think overtime? I mean, it’s enough to complete the year-end report, think about where I last put the keys, and devise a miraculous alternative to clean laundry. Now, to figure out why the Elf moves all the time, and has to go back hang out at the North Pole and come back to crash for breakfast, really, dude?
Fast-forward to a couple of cups of coffee, and some temporarily lifted brain fog…
“Because when she moves, she creates magic. She can fly to the North Pole and help Santa, and come back to a different place, and do it even better the next day.”
I had to give myself a virtual high-five for this one, especially considering this all happened before looking fully human early in the morning.
But the point is, really, there’s magic in movement, in doing something, anything, in not being at the same place all the time. Not living through the same experiences every year for 75 years and calling it a life…
As I drove to work that morning, I thought the Elf was pretty cool doing her own thing, switching it up all the time, and creating magic in the process. Maybe I could take a cue or two from her this year…
Which brings me to….
Change Is A Constant.
“But does the Elf move every day, Mommy? Don’t her wings get tired? And where are her wings anyways?”
See, that’s the problem with kids nowadays. We want them to be smart, inquisitive and all. And next thing you know, they’re asking you questions you can’t answer…I mean, I grew up in a household of four in West Africa, which also meant if you found an #ElfontheShelf and let it go to the North Pole to hang out, she wasn’t coming back no how…
“Change is good baby! She’s always moving and going places and seeing different things.”
I also wanted to add that we were running out of places to move Snowflake, and keep her looking all fresh and cool every morning. But that’s the thing with life, and parenting, and everything in else in between too, right?
You constantly have to update yourself, upgrade yourself, and stay in the mix, while still looking fresh and cool every morning…
Accountability is Cool.
Day 1: Oops, we forgot to move the #Elfontheshelf !
Like, really, we’re the parents here. With a gazillion electronic devices throughout the entire house, no one thought to set an alarm, a reminder, an automatic slap to let that poor Elf go hang out in the North Pole and move her the next morning…Really?
As much as we wanted to hold the kids accountable for behaving well so the Elf wouldn’t go back to the North Pole and tell on them (isn’t that tattle-telling?), we also had to be accountable. As in, being the adults and actually doing what we said we would…
We teach better what we need to learn, right? And sometimes as parents, in the shuffle of everything going on, it’s hard to keep ourselves accountable. Even to ourselves. I mean, I had vowed to keep myself accountable to make it to the gym and eat right. We all know what happened there…
As I was moving the Elf early this morning in between stubbing my toe on the Christmas tree and dropping coffee on my robe, I got to thinking about how a little inanimate object wrapped in a cute tradition can keep us in check…Teaching some things we forget along the way, and reminding us to pass it along…
And maybe that’s the true magic…
Plus the fact that I could swear this Elf be looking at me sideways every time I dip in the kids’ piggy bank for spare change…
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PS: Here are some great ideas of #ElfontheShelf displays you can get inspired from:
Happy Holidays,
The Corporate Sis…
by Solange Lopes | Dec 7, 2016 | Career, Find Your Purpose, Start Your Business
So it just hits you one day…After years in Big Corporate, doing the 9-to-5 thing, you’re finally ready to make the big JUMP into full-time entrepreneurship. Maybe up until now, you’ve been doing the side hustle thing here and there to lay the groundwork. But now, the anticipation is killing you, literally, and all you can think about is that fateful day when you can walk out the doors of Big Corporate, take a breath of fresh freedom air, and go on about your business, literally…
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If you’re smiling as you’re reading this, you may be one of the thousands of other corporate sisters planning to exit Cubicle World and strike out on your own….Except (screeching halt noise here), even if you decide to ditch plan B, you still need some form of a plan for your corporate exit. You know, something that lets you sleep at night and doesn’t have you hitting up your folks for yet another loan to make the mortgage this month…
I mean, if there’s anything that’s as scary and exciting as striking out on your own after years or decades of comfortable cubicle dwelling, it’s got to be related to fried ice cream rolled in sea salt caramel ice cream…You may need double layers of super-strong Dove anti-perspiring deodorant to make the move, but when it’s time, you know it’s time…
So if you’re just starting out on your Big Corporate Exit adventure, here are a few simple, straightforward steps you can start taking today to land on your entrepreneurial behind (and legs and elbows and side rolls) with as few bruises as possible:
You’ve got to know your “WHY” inside out!
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You won’t know whether going full-time to build your business will work (or be the flop of the decade). And no one can really blame you for that, that’s why it’s called a risk…But the very first thing you want to know as you’re lining your personal ducks in a row is WHY you’re even doing all this…
Is it desire for freedom? Is it because of this strong sense of Purpose that’s been egging you on for years now? Is it because you want to offer your kids a better shot at life and opportunities? Or a big giant combo of all the above, plus the all-consuming urge to share your vision and message with the world?
Whatever it is, you’ve got to be crystal clear about it! Sit with yourself every day, and write down your WHY, as long and cumbersome as the process may first appear to be. The point is to build this conviction so strongly within you that it becomes virtually unbreakable….And gives you the strength and motivation to go for it, all in!
Is Your Idea/Business/Desire Viable/Sustainable/Going to Help You Make Rent?
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As in, is the whole thing sustainable, i.e. does it have earning potential? In other words, can your business not only help you make rent, but actually turn a profit?
This is where you get out of Entrepreneurship Lalaland and actually look at reality right in the face. And start putting some numbers down on paper…
There are some important questions to ask yourself here:
- How will this make you money, i.e. what are you going to sell?
- Do you have a product/service and how much can you sell it for?
- Do you plan on creating products/services and how much revenue can they bring you?
- How much will you need to invest in your business periodically?
- What streams of income will you have?
- What will your strategy be?
- How will your organize your business?
- What does your market look like, i.e. who are your competitors, is there even demand for your products/services, etc?
- Etc….
All of these questions, and more, will help you put together a business plan, which is just another fancy term for your business GPS/roadmap for the next 3-5 years. The U.S. Small Business Administration has a great tool to guide you through creating your business plan.
What that will do for you is give you a clearer picture of where you’re dipping your pretty Louboutins in… Plus give you a serious reality check, so hold on to your open-toed Zanottis…
Got a Financial Plan?
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No one likes to be broke, ok? Which also means as you’re planning your heroic escape from Office Land, you need to secure yourself some coins in the meantime. You know, just in case your business doesn’t break the million-dollar finish line the first year…
But more seriously, a BIG part of your Big Corporate Exit plan is to avoid starvation and plain financial distress. So if you haven’t started just yet, it may be time to push on the Savings pedal, and make sure you have 9 months to a year worth of business expenses saved up. Ambitious? Yes, and so are you…
Remember that going from the security of a periodic paycheck to your own revenues and profits is not an exact science. You may have some great months, and some not so great months…You may have to re-invest in your business, or face unexpected expenses…So you want a cushion that lets you skip out on stress acne and all kinds of other premature aging signs….
Round Up Your Support System
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I don’t care how independent you are, you’re going to need some support. Let me repeat this again, more for myself than you: You’re going to need some support! Whether it’s emotional, spiritual, financial, or just someone to give you a hug and tell you you’re not actually making the biggest mistake of your life (which you’re not)…
Many entrepreneurs, especially women, forget this major part of building a business. It’s hard work, on top of everything you may already have on your plate. So rally your girlfriends, call your mama, hug your kids, whisper tender sweet words to your goldfish, rely on the support system you already have or start building it.
It doesn’t mean your bestie has to buy all your facial products, or subscribe to your daily podcast. But what it means is that when you’re hustling and doing your thing and going through Entrepreneur Jungle, you’re not all alone. And that counts…a lot….
Get Mentally Ready
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Mental toughness is par for the course. As much as you may have detested your informal meeting sessions on the daily at work, facing the pressure of being in business for yourself is a challenge.
So get your mental nerves/weapons/armor in place early on. Whether it’s developing a daily meditation practice, or getting a mentor, or even making exercise an integral part of your routine, start planning for ways to stay on top of the head game.
You’re in this to win, and winning starts in your mind. So get started…
Make Education a Priority
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Jumping in to your business means holding yourself accountable for what you know, and how you apply it in your organization. Which also means learning continuously, especially as you prepare to jump ship from Corporate.
Actually, there is no better time to learn about being an entrepreneur than while you’re still in Corporate. Use this time to learn more about management, leadership, as well as the tools you’ll need to strive on your own. If your business is related to your current job, now is the time to absorb as much training as possible. In any case, take every opportunity currently offered by your day job to educate yourself (within allowable and ethical limits, of course).
Put a Ring Date on It
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There’s no better motivator for action than a deadline! When you know you’ve got to get it done by a certain date, something just shifts in and around you to make it happen! The same applies to your Big Corporate exit plan!
After careful planning and preparation, or actually while you’re still planning and preparing, set a date for your glorious exit! Don’t just set it, but commit to it whole-heartedly. Once you do this, organize your deliverables, to-do’s and action steps around it.
Are you Ready to Start Your Big Corporate Exit Plan?
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Dec 6, 2016 | Find Your Purpose
We’re a few weeks/days away from the start of another year, and the New Year’s Resolutions/Goals Machine, as I like to call it, is in full swing. Resolutions are being made, gym memberships are being shopped around, and goals are being set everywhere…
But after a few years of resolving to get back into a size 2, or finally get that certification (to advance in that job that you hate anyways), or finding the love/soulmate/perfect car/dream home/optimal temperature, you start realizing that maybe the whole goal-setting process is a teeny-weeny bit flawed…
Even when it works, after much grunting on the elliptical at that local super-expensive gym (until January 31st, after which we take a well-deserved break), it leaves us feeling like we’ve just run a marathon…Exhausted, a bit deflated, and looking forward to French bread soaked in full-fat French Brie…
Fast-forward a few years, after reading Danielle Laporte’s Desire Map while eating French bread soaked in full-fat French Brie a few days before the New Year, and goals started looking so different and so much more appealing…
“You’re not chasing a goal, you’re chasing a feeling you hope reaching the goal will give you” – Danielle La Porte
This sentence alone on the front cover of La Porte’s best-seller changed my entire view of goals for the rest of my life… If we’re setting goals to feel better about ourselves ( hello super pricey gym membership, sweaty sessions and half-pounds shrinkage), why don’t we start with how we want to feel?
Instead of shooting goals in the dark on the board of our lives and careers, hoping and praying and wishing that somehow they’ll deliver those feelings wrapped up in elegant Crate and Barrel gift boxes right at your doorstep…
How many of us have sat on the eve of a New Year, drawing lofty goals in beautiful journals? Or putting out in the Universe our desires for better jobs, more money, a bigger wardrobe, Giselle’s body? Or even, for the most down-to-earth among us, longer life, more health and prosperity and abundance, along with all the positive mantras you remember from that spiritual yoga class?
Yet how many of us turn around to simply say things like: “ I want to feel happier”, “I wish to feel more joy at work”, “I desire to feel more fulfilled in my career”, “I wish to feel more peace and freedom”?
I know I didn’t, until now…Instead, I put a price tag on what I thought was peace and freedom. It would have to be a certain position, a certain salary, a certain size, or a certain type of accomplishment….And right then and there, the race to do more, be more, have more started all over again…
No wonder by January 31st, most of us are ready to throw in the towel, plop our curvy selves on the couch, and binge-watch old reruns of “Sex and the City” while eating French bread soaked in French Brie…
I remember meeting this high-level executive who was at the top of her corporate game. Her list of accomplishments, letters after her name and honors was too long to elaborate on…And she still wanted to do more, year after year…
When asked about what motivates her and why she keeps piling on accomplishment after accomplishment, she simply said: “I want to feel good”…Whether she really did or not, the point is, she had been motivated all those years by the simple aspiration of feeling a certain way…
In one of my favorite books “Ask and It Is Given”, authors Esther and Jerry Hicks talk about using our emotions and feelings as a GPS system for our lives. Whereas the rest of the world tells us to set solid, rigid goals and work towards with unstoppable tenacity, what it tells us is simply to rely on what we already know about who we are and how we want to feel good…
What makes us feel good is an indication that we’re going in the right direction, and what doesn’t may force us to rethink our life route…As simple as that…Maybe too simple for the ambitious go-getters, goal-diggers we are…But how about going simple for once?
So this year, in the midst of all the busy-ness and to-do’s, my good ol’ “New Year’s Goal List” is getting a much deserved break… And instead is being replaced with these three simple questions:
How Do I Want to Feel?
When I asked myself this simple question, it literally turned me inside out. What happens when you face yourself with the simple realization of who you are and how you want to feel/live/experience things, is that you also start realizing everything else that stands in your way.
Whether it’s the grueling job, or the unsatisfying relationship, or the low self-esteem, you start seeing in contrast all the stuff that needs to go. And then, all of a sudden, there’s more room for all the stuff that needs to come in…
What Can I Do to Feel This Way?
For you, wanting to feel better about yourself may be a matter of starting a fitness routine. Or ditching the boyfriend. Or starting over in your career. It’s different from person to person.
Yet asking yourself the question, the very revealing question of what you need to do/change/start/stop/continue to feel the way you truly want to feel opens the door for action…
Instead of looking for a job because you want more money, more recognition, or just a better parking spot, you may look for a job that makes you smile, makes you feel more fulfilled, mo’better….Or instead of starting yet another diet that may crash within a week or so, you may want to start taking care of yourself from the inside first, cleaning up your relationships, picking exercise you enjoy, laughing a little more…
What Are My Desires For Next Year?
As Danielle La Porte says it so well in The Desire Map, desires are powerful.
“With clear desire, you can say yes to the right opportunities”. Danielle La Porte
So what are your true desires for this new year/phase/time of your life and career? You know how you want to feel, and you’re starting to have an idea about things you may want to do to feel that way. Now it’s time to get clear about it all…
Going through this process (and I’m still going through it) surprised me. Heck, it actually shocked the hell out of me. You may come to realize that you don’t really want what you think you want. That you may not even really want the promotion, or the car, or the relationship, or fitting into a size 2 and giving up on cake for the rest of your life…
Whatever the outcome of this seemingly simple process, it will shed light on a journey only you can take. Instead of fitting in and setting general goals like everyone else, it may just steer you towards a life and career with more meaning, more depth and more YOU-ness in them…
This year, as you set your goals in whatever area of your life, consider asking yourself these simple questions…They may just change the game for you…
To Your Success
The Corporate Sis.
