by Solange Lopes | Oct 2, 2016 | Career
The last episode of the “House of Healing: The Myth of the Angry Black Woman” aired yesterday on OWN, and I have to say, I was glued to the screen. As in I was in internal talks with my bladder to hold off until the end of the episode…
In this four-part series, spiritual healer, minister and life coach, as well as a personal inspiration of mine, Iyanla Vanzant, tackles the very pervasive “angry black woman” stereotype. Eight African-American women from various professional and personal backgrounds were brought together in the “House of Healing”, where Iyanla helped them examine the pain and brokenness they all felt and acted out as “angry black women” as a result of abandonment and abusive pasts.
When I first came upon the initial episodes, I frankly thought this may be yet another one of the reality shows filling our screens these days. Yet, as I looked more closely, I was riveted to the screen, and most importantly to the stories of these women. As I listened to Lira recounting how she was abandoned by her father, or Chrystale dealing with being estranged from her mother, or Jaimeka coming to terms with her childhood trauma, I felt a disturbing, yet familiar sense of belonging.
Like so many Black women, I too was raised in a single-parent household where Mommy was both Mom and Dad. Where you had to be strong and tough, and being a daddy’s girl was for others, not for you. Where men were not to be trusted, and being realistic was more important than being happy. Which also means hiding the pain of abandonment and betrayal under a hard shell of self-sufficiency and bravery that can come off, and very often does, as “attitude”.
And can we talk about the fact that, according to a Black Women’s Blueprint study, 60% of Black girls have experienced sexual abuse from black men before the age of 18? Those are statistics that are often hidden by the code of silence in the Black community, yet merely start to reveal the trauma so many Black women silently conceal their entire lives. Those are the same women who are still grieving, and don’t know how, neither do have the adequate tools, to embody the love they’ve never received or experienced…The same women who may struggle to find life partners and husbands, and/or may be left raising kids on their own…The same women who may see a reflection of themselves in other women, and dislike them in the same way they dislike themselves…
Don’t get me wrong…This is not to excuse any questionable behavior in any way. Yet what Iyanla has achieved in this four-part event is show what’s really behind the curtains of so many Black women’s lives. To demonstrate that the “angry black woman” stereotype is not just a stereotype. That it’s actually a myth rooted in the fact that as a society, we haven’t yet fully grasped the depth and width of the experiences making up a vital layer of our society. That unless we can understand and hear the stories that are not always being told, we continue to deny them. And that once we can understand them, then we can all heal…
All of us, including the men in our lives, our partners, fathers, sons, brothers and cousins. I caught both the hubby and my father-in-law trying to conceal their emotions as they watched these women’s testimonies on-screen. And it made me smile inside…
Whether we want it or not, when one part of the fabric of society is affected, we’re all affected. Every time the “angry black woman” stereotype arises, whether at work, within our families, on TV, on social media or any other forum, we all suffer from it, starting with the so-called “angry black woman” herself. And instead of helping us all heal, it deepens the hurt and perpetuates the stigma.
As Iyanla puts it so well, “I’m not my sister’s keeper, I am my sister”. What we see in others exists in ourselves. When a fellow sister is hurt, her pain rolls over to us, leaving us hurt as well. When she heals, we all heal too.
And when we finally can see that there are no “angry black women”, but rather women who need to heal, women who need to be embraced, women silently screaming for help, then we can destroy the myth and welcome the peace.
So thank you, Ms. Vanzant, thank you for daring to lift the curtain on the sometimes ugly, yet always redemptive, truth behind the lives of so many women. As for you, “Angry Black Woman” myth, I’ve got two words for you: “Bye Felicia!”
Love,
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Oct 1, 2016 | Working Mom & Woman Tips
Photo credit: thecubiclechick.com
As a working parent, it’s tough to keep track of your life and career’s accomplishments, losses, and goals over time. You may be thinking of ways to improve your personal and professional life, but getting down to these and keeping track of it all can be quite the challenge. That’s why I was so excited when I came across the 2016 Working Parent Workbook by career and lifestyle expert, and my personal blogging and business inspiration, The Cubicle Chick aka Danyelle Little.
This thorough and to the point workbook is like your own personal accountability partner. Except you can carry it around with you everywhere you go and keep track of where you’re at in your life and career, even on the go. Think of it as your own personal reminder that you’re making progress on your path…
I love the simplicity of this straightforward workbook. It has just the right amount of content, and is just the right size to help you pinpoint your critical success points and roadblocks, without making you feel overwhelmed and frankly, over it all. Through simple yet extremely pertinent instructions and guidelines, it pushes you to think about what you’ve achieved so far, what you’ve failed to accomplish and where you’re headed.
I particularly love the fact that it includes a specific section about self-care, as many a working parent, especially working moms, neglect this way too often. As a working mom and entrepreneur, I really feel it’s a great tool to strategically reach my goals, without the extra fluff and overwhelm. I mean, I had to really be honest when facing my own roadblocks as well as acknowledging my strengths and weaknesses while going through the workbook, which made me see my career and business much more clearly.
All in all, I absolutely love the Fall 2016 Working Parent Workbook and recommend it to all working parents. Better yet, get an extra copy for your crazy busy sister or brother friend this Fall.
The only suggestion I’d have is another version of this workbook for managing the kids’ schedule (wink wink Danyelle :)).
PS: You can order your copy HERE!
Love,
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Oct 1, 2016 | Working Mom & Woman Tips
It’s Saturday morning, the official start of the weekend, I’m standing in the middle of my kitchen after breakfast, and there’s mess everywhere I look…Sink filled with dishes, check! Laundry basket making faces at me with the overflowing bed sheets from last week, check! Kids turned the TV Room into a toy zone, check! And all I want to do is curl up on the couch with a good book and watch something I actually don’t have to use my neurons for…
via GIPHY
If you’re smiling as you’re reading this, you may have recognized a common feeling among working moms (sorry when it comes to chores, working moms win the war) everywhere, aka the Dread of the Weekend Shift. You know it, it’s that tightness in your chest as you think about just how much you have to do to catch up on your chores at home. And the mounting frustration as you realize it’s actually the week-end, and you’re supposed not to work…And if you add to that Junior’s soccer game, Dear Daughter’s piano recital, and “getting your hair did”, it’s a wrap…You might as well lay right there on the floor and pray for some miracle, or Haagen Dazs sea salt caramel ice cream…
There’s just that point when you hit the weekend shift wall, and you can no longer accept to work at work, work at home, and work everywhere in between. It’s time to reclaim your weekends, and achieve some sense of balance in between all the to-do’s will-never-be-done, and why-is-laundy-never-ending’s…
After much resistance and not enough ice cream to drown my weekend shift sorrows, here are some drastic changes I had to make to regain whatever shred of sanity I had left, and be able to read a page or two, or sit down somewhere for a minute or two. And I mean, if you’re into coming from work on Fridays and spending the rest of the weekend cleaning up, tidying up and cooking up, by all means, I’m your biggest fan. But for the rest of us who can actually honestly admit we hate laundry and would like to take a nap once every couple of years, there may be a few adjustments we can make to replace the weekend shift with actual weekend fun.
Spend less on stuff, and more on help.
For me, it means staying away from any shoe store, shoe expo, shoe displays, shoe anything...
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And actually reading the pile of unread books I have at home, prior to destroying my bank account on Amazon just because I signed up for Amazon Prime and shipping is free… In other words, I had to put myself on a tight budget so I could replace all my spur-of-the-moment, ooh-that-looks-nice-and-I-might-need-it-some-day impulse purchases with actual help.
So I saved the money and hired someone to help me with cleaning the house and doing chores. I have to say it was a BIG mindset change for me, for two reasons. One, I thought I didn’t need to pay someone for something I could do myself. Two, I could do it myself and save the money to go buy stuff I didn’t really need. Typical case of the chicken and egg…
Which brings me to my next point.
Learn to value your time.
I mean, really value it, not just in terms of what you can and cannot do. But in terms of what it costs for someone like you to do thing A instead of doing thing B. Let me explain…
If you’re making $75,000 a year net, and you take that $75K a year, and actually divide it into 52 weeks of work, you get $1,442 and change a week. Then you go a step further, and divide this by 40 hours of work, and get about $36 and change a week. So literally, that’s how much an hour of your work is worth, if you were to pay yourself…And I’m not including how much it cost for you to get that college education (hello student loans)…
via GIPHY
Now I ain’t trying to take us back to basic maths (don’t nobody wanna go back that far or deep or wide for that matter), but think about it. If you were to pay yourself $36 an hour to clean your house, how much more beneficial to you would it be to pay someone $10 or $15 an hour to do the same? Actually, they might do it better and faster, just for the sheer reason they wouldn’t be checking their Instagram every other minute and texting with the girls every so often…Just sayin’…
If you look at your time with the perspective of how much value it has, then you’re able to gain a new perspective. Not to mention forgive yourself for not doing it all…
Leverage the time and money you save.
If you had 5 hours to spend whichever way you’d like, what is the best thing you’d do for yourself? Is it read a book, enroll in a new class, go to the spa, or spend time with the people you love? Whatever your answer to this question, it brings us back to how we can best leverage our time and money. Especially our time, which as age (what’s that?) creeps up and you start realizing there’s not as much time left as before, becomes our most precious commodity…
Think of the time and money you could save by enlisting some help, even if you have to pay for it. And think about what you could actually produce with this time, in terms of precious memories, new ventures, exciting opportunities, etc…
You could write that great novel, take the kids to visit family you haven’t seen in a while, or just take a bath alone for like, a half hour, by yourself…You could build that business you’ve been talking about, or find time to meditate, or entertain that hobby that relaxes you so much you don’t feel the need to yell at the hubby so often (I know none of you do that)…Or you could just cry “Freedom”!
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In Conclusion
It took some time to adjust my mindset from a production-based frame to a value-based one. And to understand that what’s important to me may not be as important to someone else, but that at the end of the day, it’s my responsibility to live my life to the fullest, and enjoy every bit of time I have while I’m still breathing (and avoiding wrinkles and ashy elbows in the process)…
On this note, dear Weekend Shift, you are officially fired. Dear Weekend, welcome back into my life!
Have you reclaimed your weekends yet?
Love,
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Sep 30, 2016 | Career
Photo credit: shopstyle.com
Loving the rocker edge of this punched model, elegantly balanced by the delicate pale pink hue. And can we talk about the chunky silver zip that makes it look like you just landed from Style Planet (ok that sounded better in my head)? This “bomb” bomber jacket is $110 at Topshop.
Plus-sizes
I’ve spotted similar styles in plus-sizes at Forever 21, in 0X through 3X. I also like this satin number from ASOS, which runs in sizes 16 through 24.
Petites
This Missguided petite bomber jacket has more of a sporty edge, but can easily be dressed up as well. I can also dig this blush version from Dorothy Perkins.
Which one is your fave?
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Sep 30, 2016 | Career
This is our weekly career and lifestyle news update, where we round up exciting news of the last week and we let you have it…ahem, news-wise that is…
Think of it as your career gossiping section on steroids…
And while you’re at it, follow us on Facebook, Twitter,IG, and Pinterest!
Here we go…
- In awesome news this week, Forbes reports that Mindy Kaling’s cooking up a new workplace comedy starring Emma Thompson as a late night talk show host, and I’m jumping inside;
- Yesterday was National Coffee Day (although for some of us everyday’s National Coffee Day), and Black Enterprise calls to celebrate brands that support minority franchise owners with a cup of java;
- Is it better to be naughty or nice at work? Read Ellevate Network’s take on it;
- Are you in healthcare? Glassdoor lists 7 jobs for healthcare workers;
- Santander UK Chairman says companies can attract more women by changing the language in ads. Would you agree?
- Ellevate Network tips us off with 5 vital behaviors to learn when you become a leader;
- Love working from home? The Evil HR Lady lists 10 great telecommuting jobs;
- Shy people alert! Business Insider suggest 19 almost-perfect jobs for shy individuals;
- No plans for the week-end? Inc. suggests you could learn these 9 surprising ways to build emotional intelligence;
- In need of fashion and beauty tips? These celebrity stylists offer fashion and beauty tips for working women;
- Need to make over your wardrobe on a budget? WhoWhatWear has great tips.
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sis.
