by Solange Lopes | Jun 19, 2016 | Career
Every year for Father’s Day, I call my dad. Like so many other people celebrating this holiday, I’m blessed to still have him around. Yet for me, and for so many others, Father’s Day has this bittersweet taste stuck somewhere between our hearts and minds. That bittersweet feeling you have when dad wasn’t there…
For so many women, growing up without a dad present is reality. One they’ve been accustomed to living with, and suffering the consequences of. Some of these consequences are more visible than others, like for instance, according to the Fatherhood Factor site, ” a study of 263 13- to 18-year-old adolescent women seeking psychological services found that the adolescents from father-absent homes were 3.5 times more likely to experience pregnancy than were adolescents from father-present homes”. Others hide beneath the surface, revealing themselves through women working tirelessly to please everyone, be accepted, and receive the love they missed as a child.
These may be the women who log in countless hours at work, silently toiling in their careers to prove their worth; yet never satisfied, however much success they end up garnering…The women who’d never want to depend on a man for fear they’d be disappointed. The ones who seek validation in all the wrong places, sometimes settling for less they deserve because somehow somewhere along the way, they were robbed of one of the essential pieces of a woman’s life: a dad’s unconditional love and validation…
And this also deeply affects the types of careers we choose throughout our lives. We already know about the confidence gap; but what we don’t often realize is all the ways in which our dads, especially the absent ones, affect our work and purpose in life. From speaking up at work, to whether we see ourselves at the top of the corporate ladder or in a low-paying job, the relationship we have with our fathers play a huge role in how we see ourselves, in life and at work.
For those of us who grew up with absent dads, it also means we have to learn self-worth and value on our own…It means confronting our own limiting beliefs and mindsets, and being willing to change them for the best.
It took me decades to realize the impact of not having a father around for most of my life. Decades to realize that although my mother did an absolutely phenomenal job with all of us kids, there was a space she couldn’t fill…A space that I had replaced with a lot of things, time, and relationships which weren’t exactly for me…And that’s where my own journey of self-discovery and self-affirmation really started, one that’s painful at times, but oh so rewarding… A journey that helped me define my career in terms of who I am, and not the opposite way…And define everything in my life in terms of who I was made to be…
Throughout this journey, I’ve had the privilege to meet other women who also were on the same path. As we spoke and shared common insights, we were able to change the way we viewed ourselves, which in turn changed the direction and impact of our careers. Some of us shed the fear of speaking up, others finally confronted their dads, and others are making major changes in their careers and lives…Out of this shift, businesses were born, associations were made, separations happened, and overall, life changes happened…
If you’re a woman who grew up with an absent father, today and every Father’s Day may feel a bit strange. Like a pull between who you were and who you’re becoming…A reminder that while things are not always perfect, they always teach us a valuable lesson…And maybe you’re seeing all the ways in which your own experience has affected your career and life, and you’re ready to change that…
As for me, I’m still on this journey, and am amazed by all that I’m learning…I’m thankful to be blessed with a wonderful husband and father to my babies, and my relationship with my dad is getting stronger by the day…And I’m off to celebrating not just the fathers in my life, but the journey they’ve all helped us undertake…
Happy Father’s Day to all!
Love,
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Jun 17, 2016 | Career
It’s not always easy to find versatile shirts you can dress up or down for work or the week-end. Except for this Zady striped linen jersey shirt, which also happens to be our Corporate Catwalk pick of the day! Loving the relaxed fit, classic stripe and contrasting pocket detail, which both make for a classic piece to wear all-year round as a layering piece.
What’s even more interesting about this shirt (and about most of Zady products), and made me pick it today, is how the company describes to us the process by which these are made. According to the website description: “The flax seed in these shirts is grown in Normandy, France, after which the flax fibers are brought to Bergamo, Italy where they are dyed, finished and spun into linen yarn. The linen yarn is transported to Barcelos, Portugal where the yarn is knit, producing the linen jersey fabric. At this point, the fabric is brought across the sea to North Carolina where we partnered with Opportunity Threads, a facility that has developed a successful worker-ownership structure, where the breathable, soft, nautical shirt is completed.” Great way to make us feel part of the whole creation!
For chillier offices in the summer, I’d layer this shirt under a linen cardigan like this one, or a relaxed navy blazer like this one.
Yay or Nay?
Love,
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Jun 17, 2016 | Career
This is our weekly career and lifestyle news update, where we round up exciting news of the last week and we let you have it…ahem, news-wise that is…
Think of it as your career gossiping section on steroids…
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Here we go…
PS: Like this post? Click HERE to get The Corporate Sister’s career, lifestyle and entrepreneurship, bi-weekly updates.
To your success,
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Jun 16, 2016 | Career
I love a versatile, lightweight blazer in the summer, that I can sport with jeans on casual dress days or cropped pants and light skirts on less informal days. Hence today’s Corporate Catwalk pick, this Le Stripe Blazer from Shopbop with preppy two-tone stripes and elegant notched lapel. It’s $329 at Shopbob!
Other alternatives for this cool blazer include this summer-perfect, relaxed linen chambray Joie Pernilla Blazer, or this stripe schoolboy version. I also love this colorful beauty with a luxe feel.
Yay or Nay?
Love,
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Jun 16, 2016 | Working Mom & Woman Tips |
So the other day, as we were discussing prospective plans for Father’s Day, I got to asking Dear Hubby a few questions about being a working dad.
“Honey, how does it feel to be a working dad?”
“What do you mean? I work and I’m a dad!”
“Yeah, but, do you feel like you’re stretched thin between your commitments at work and at home? Do you ever feel like you’re in over your head and you just need a break to breathe sometimes?”
“Uuuuhhh… you mean, me or you?”
As you can tell, our conversation didn’t go very far…The more I kept asking what I thought were more and more probing, deep questions about the “human state of being a working dad”, the more Dear Hubby kept looking at me in total bewilderment. And the more passionate I got about transferring my own emotions and frustrations as a working mom onto him, the quieter he got…Hindsight being 20/20, I bet you my morning coffee he must’ve tuned me out by about the second question…
It soon became hilariously obvious that I was transposing my own reality as a professional mom onto this poor guy, who was just trying to have his coffee in peace, and maybe down another piece of organic waffle swimming in full-fat Aunt Jemima syrup…
It’s tough being a working dad (the non-laundry-adverse kind) in a world of working moms…On one hand, you’re praised for loading the laundry machine and earning a decent paycheck (albeit not at the same time), and on the other, you’re scrutinized for not having it as tough as the moms out there. Never mind when you get to work, and have to tread carefully with your female colleagues and bosses not to get caught under that glass ceiling that’s about to get smashed any day now…
Of course, the statistics are here to prove the facts we all know. According to the Pew Research Center, even in homes where both parents work, and where quality time and discipline are shared equally between these, scheduling and sick days still fall on the mother. Additionally, “working moms are more likely than dads to say parenting has interfered with their career progress”. Yet, what’s interesting to see through these stats, is that all in all, both working parents feel the pinch of time spent with the kids, with over 50% of working dads wishing they’s have more time with their little ones.
All humor and stats aside though, as I looked over at my husband, I felt a pinch of inner guilt as I considered all the times I came home from work and let the poor dude have it…About how hard it is to be the only woman in the room…Or how tough women have it, from carrying a baby 9 months to buying all these stretch mark oils to the gender gap and not even being able to wear flats at work once in a while…All the while he was cooking dinner, giving the kids a bath, and pouring me some Pinot Noir…
Don’t get me wrong, this is not a mea culpa for working moms towards the dads in their lives…Neither is it an absolution from doing the laundry, washing the dishes, or changing diapers in their favorite suit and tie…What this is, is a recognition that somewhere in between the confidence gap, the gender gap, and all these gaps society has created for women in and out of work, there are also those amazing spaces filled by loving, hard-working, and non-laundry-adverse working men out there…
I should know…I was raised by a single mom, with no dad in sight for the majority of my life…Until I had babies of my own, I didn’t know what a man who’d participate at work and at home, remotely looked like. As a very early feminist and advocate for women, I followed in my mom’s footsteps, and decided to do it on my own. All of it, the work stuff, the house stuff, the bills stuff, the kids stuff, all of it…
Except life has an interesting way of making you look outside of yourself, and in the midst of that struggle you’re in, make you acknowledge you’re not alone in the battle for clean underwear and sleep equality…So for all the non-laundry-adverse, bath-giving, Pinot-Noir-pouring, loving working dads out there, here’s a heartfelt confession and a sweet token of appreciation…
Which you may redeem for a no-laundry pass this week only (please note that it expires on Father’s Day, after which you’d be solely responsible for clean underwear —or the lack thereof)….
PS: Here’s to my favorite working dad in the world, the hubby Walter!
Love,
The Corporate Sis.
