by Solange Lopes | Feb 8, 2018 | Working Mom & Woman Tips
Many ambitious women wonder how to strive both in their careers, businesses and at work. It is possible to be an ambitious, striving, successful woman, and still have a happy, successful marriage? Despite the many modern advances in our society, it’s still a question many of us ask ourselves.
I know I asked myself the question when getting married. Would I be able to still be able to chase my dreams, while still being happy in my marriage? Would I have to choose between ambition and happiness in my marriage? Can we really have it all, in our love partnerships and in our work?
We can’t help to notice that a number of extremely successful women are also not partnered. We can also see through social media and even reality television, that many marriages and partnerships are destroyed when career success or ambition enters the equation. Just look at Hollywood marriages for instance.
From talking with a few girlfriends, and my own experience, I’ve learnt that it’s more about finding the right balance than it is about combining career ambition and happy marriage. It’s also about keeping in mind certain golden principles when it comes to career ambition and happiness in marriage:
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Know yourself first and what works for you
One of the biggest mistakes we can make in any relationship is not knowing ourselves and what works for us. If there ever were a mirror rendering an accurate reflection of who are, it would be marriage. It’s important to know who you are and what works for you.
Giving the impression that you’ll be cooking and cleaning when you’re more interested in attending networking events and breaking the glass ceiling will not serve anyone. You can have a successful marriage and still build an outstanding career or business. The key is to understand yourself first, and be honest about what you bring to the table.
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Don’t be ashamed of your ambition
Ambition is nothing to be ashamed of or suppressed. It makes you who you are. Instead of being ashamed at your own desires for career or business success, don’t hesitate to claim it. If your partner cannot handle it from the get-go, then you may have to reconsider the relationship.
We bring all of us into any relationship, and denying or concealing any part of who we are only complicates things in the long run. Whether it’s your ambition, passion, goals or objectives, they are all valuable and worthy to be at least considered.
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Honesty is key
As in any relationships, honesty is the key to a healthy marriage. Not being honest about your career or business ambition may only set the tone for a dishonest partnership. Instead, be forthcoming about what you need for your own fulfillment. The happier and more fulfilled you are, the more you can bring to the relationship.
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Prepare for obstacles
Obstacles are a given in any partnership or marriage. It’s simply par for the course. Unfortunately, for many working women, career or business ambition can constitute yet another, potent obstacle to a harmonious relationship. Being ambitious in your career or business may require you to make certain sacrifices, travel or work overtime, which in turn may not bode well at all times with your partner.
It’s important to be prepared to manage and overcome these types of obstacles. Being as honest as possible, having an open dialogue, and even resorting to couples therapy, can help.
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Be flexible and open to change
Last but not least, being flexible and open to change can go a long way in any relationship. This is especially true as your partner may also have a demanding career, and both your schedules may be conflicting with each other. Careers, like relationships, are subject to change. Showing flexibility and adaptability, while focusing on the health of your relationship, is key.
What other advice do you have to combine career ambition with a happy marriage?
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Feb 8, 2018 | Career
“Enjoy where you are on the way to where you’re going.”
This is one of my favorite quotes from leading Bible teacher and New York Times best-selling author Joyce Meyer. It’s also the title of her book of the same name “Enjoying where you are on the way to where you are going: learning how to live a joyful spirit-led life“. It’s a precept I’ve had to remind myself of many a times, when I’d be tempted to complain about my job at the time. It wouldn’t be much different from what so many employees do at work: complaining and being unhappy about their current job. While there can be serious reasons why one may be dissatisfied at work, there are also ways to learn to love the job you’re in right now.
In the era of FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) and Instagram flat lays, the general impression is that the next person has it better than us. While fake entrepreneurs are flaunting fake lavish lifestyles on social media, others are claiming to have outstanding careers we know nothing about. All this is contributing to creating a climate of constant dissatisfaction for many, in life and at work.
Yes, most of us are looking to progress and advance, in our careers and/or businesses. After a certain time, we may tend to get stuck in a professional or business rut, albeit temporarily. While we’re striving to get the promotion, the business deal, or the next opportunity, we can be tempted to despise our current professional station. Which in turn can lower the quality of our work, decrease morale, and infect us with a general sense of doom and gloom. Yet, it doesn’t have to be this way.
Here are a few ways to enjoy your job even if you don’t like it:
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Practice career or business gratitude
Gratitude is one of the most powerful success tools at our disposal. The more grateful you are, the more you attract the things, people, and events that will increase this sense of gratitude. Consider looking at your career or business with a new lens by identifying the positive rather than the negative.
What is working well at your job or business? What do you enjoy at work? How is your job benefitting you? For some, it may only be getting your paycheck, which also allows you to pay your bills, and indulge every now and then. For others, it may their work relationships. Whatever it is, acknowledge it on a daily basis and express gratitude for it.
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Foster positive relationships at work
Positive relationships have the potential to make any environment more beneficial, including work. The more positive your relationships at work, the more likely you will be to enjoy your workplace, and the more motivated you may be.
Stay away from such negativity as gossiping and backbiting, which can end up backfiring on you. Instead, strive to build honest, positive relationships that can nurture you and help you improve at work and in life.
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Use your paycheck to pursue a goal or passion
One of the obvious benefits of any job is getting a regular paycheck. Investing some of this money to pursue what you love can really help you enjoy your job. While you may be striving to reach another level in your career or business, having the ability to use your earnings to do what you love can make all the difference.
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Go above and beyond
This may sound counter-intuitive, but actually going above and beyond in your job can fill you with a positive sense of achievement. While many of us may think of doing the bare minimum at a job we don’t really love, the opposite can reap bigger rewards.
Consider showing excellence in your work, as well as volunteering for complex projects. The more engaged you are in your job, the more opportunities may be opening up to you.
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Reward yourself
It can be challenging to work at a job you don’t love, especially if the circumstances are hard to deal with. Don’t forget to reward yourself as you keep giving your best at work.
What other tips would you add to this list?
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Feb 7, 2018 | Working Mom & Woman Tips
If you’re a busy working mom, celebrating Valentine’s Day may seem like yet another commitment to add to your calendar. At least, that’s how it has seemed to me quite a few times. For one, there’s the whole making handmade cards and gift bags for both the kids’ classrooms. Then there is the whole having to shave, wash and style my hair, and actually find a cute outfit for the day of, when all I want to do is collapse on the couch with toothpaste on my latest pimple. Oh and did I mention finding a thoughtful yet not too corny gift for the hubby, right after the holiday budget cuts too?
Navigating Valentine’s Day as a busy working mom can simply be a challenge. While you may be grateful to actually have the opportunity to celebrate, it may require some prep work and organization you may not exactly be ready to provide.
Here are a few ways that you can celebrate Valentine’s Day as a busy working mom, minus the stress, overwhelm and deep desire to lay down for a nap:
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Lay off the perfectionism
It’s Valentine’s Day, not a rehearsed performance. While I understand that some people go big or go home when it comes to V-Day, there’s no need to go above and beyond if you don’t feel like it. In other words, you may have to skip the handmade cards and elaborate homemade cookie bags for the kids’ classmates, in favor of pre-written cards and mini-chocolate boxes from Walgreens. You can still smile at the overachieving mom who came in with individual brownie mini boxes for your kids’ classmates though, you just have different priorities, that’s all….
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Involve the entire family
Make it more fun, and easier on you, by involving the entire family in the celebration. Kids love being assigned some responsibilities. Why not entrust them with putting together the goodies for their classmates, and maybe even picking Daddy’s gift? You may enjoy the process, and have fun as you cross it off your to-do list.
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Focus on spending time rather than money
I noticed that when I took the focus off of doing, doing, doing, and instead started enjoying V-Day as an opportunity to bond with the family, it was a better experience. Instead of buying gifts, we started a Love Day tradition, including cuddling together on our tired couch and swapping fun stories.
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Do what works for you and your family
Have you ever watched the jewelry commercials airing ahead of Valentine’s Day, and wondered how far the celebration should really go? As a busy working mom, you may even ask yourself if you’re doing something wrong by keeping it casual and low-key. The most important thing is to do what works for you and your family, both in times of time and money.
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Treat yo’self
Last but not least, don’t forget to treat yourself and celebrate yourself. It doesn’t necessarily mean splurging on your favorite pair of Louboutins (although it could). Yet, it does include doing something FOR YOURSELF. It could be as simple as reading a book, taking a bath, or treating yourself to a spa. In any case, don’t forget yourself in all the hustle and bustle of V-Day.
How do you celebrate Valentine’s Day as a busy working mom?
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Feb 7, 2018 | Career
For many of us working women, speaking up and expressing our opinions in the workplace is a challenge. From doubting our own abilities to fearing what others may think about us, we tend to refrain from expressing ourselves fully in the workplace. As a result, many women run the risk of not being considered management or leadership material, be passed over for promotions, or flat-out ignored at work.
I, like so many other working women, would know. Through countless conversations with fellow colleagues and friends, it was apparent that one common fear among us is to speak up at work. I would literally get paralyzed at the thought of raising my voice in a meeting or conference. The false anticipation that I may be ridiculed, laughed at, or that my ideas may not be valid or discounted, would keep me from sharing my otherwise valuable insights. I believe I missed many opportunities because of my silence. I know I’m not the only one…
Hindsight being 20/20, I now realize there are many things I could have done to fight the fear of speaking up, even as a woman of color at work. Despite the difficulties or opposition you may face as a woman at work, you can train yourself to muster the courage to speak up. Here are a few ways to do so:
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Understand the source of your fear of speaking
For many, if not most of us, the fear of speaking up at work stems from our own feelings of unworthiness or inadequacy. We may fear sounding ridicule, or that our contributions may be mocked. Instead of taking what we perceive to be a risk, we shrink, letting others take the credit for our work and claiming ideas we thought of first.
Understanding the source of your fear can help you tackle it in a more effective way. Are you feeling inadequate because you’re the only woman in the room? Do large meetings make you uncomfortable or nervous? Did you grow up with a sense of inadequacy? Ask yourself the hard questions, and get to the root of your fear.
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Change your internal dialogue
Once you’ve understood the source of your fear, it’s time to work on your internal dialogue. Track the negative thoughts such as “I am not smart enough”, “I am not qualified enough”, “I’m too young”, “I’m too old”. Instead of replaying this negative dialogue in your head, consider replacing these thoughts by positive ones, such as: “I am capable”, “I am qualified”, “I can do all things”.
The more you hear yourself say positive things about yourself, the more you tend to believe it. It unfortunately also works in the reverse.
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Prepare ahead of time
Preparing ahead of time and rehearsing before a meeting, presentation or other event you may have to speak up at, can go a long way. Before every meeting you are to attend, consider brainstorming and jotting down at least three (3) ideas you can contribute to the conversation. If you have the time, practice sharing these ideas by recording yourself, until you are satisfied with the way you sound. You may also do the same if you have an upcoming presentation.
The more you prepare yourself and get in the habit of speaking up, the more comfortable you’ll feel. Don’t hesitate to take your time so you can actually overcome your fear of speaking up.
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Join public speaking organizations or groups
Public speaking organizations such as Toastmasters International can be a tremendous help when it comes to speaking up at work. By providing a supportive and positive learning experience for you to develop your communication and leadership skills, they help you hone in on your speech and public speaking skills.
Within your own company, there may be other communication and leadership groups that can also assist you with this. Keep your eye open for events and opportunities teaching public speaking skills as well.
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Get support
Don’t be too proud not to ask for support if you’re struggling with speaking up at work. You can get an accountability partner to encourage and support you as you work on developing your public speaking skills. Similarly, you may decide to add speaking up at work, as one of your goals on your performance review.
In any case, don’t shy away from getting the support you need to improve this area of your performance.
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Reward yourself
Last but not least, don’t forget to reward yourself for overcoming your fear of speaking up. I used to treat myself to a new book every time I would make a significant contribution to a meeting. For an introvert like myself, mustering the courage to speak up was always encouraging.
How do you muster the courage to speak up at work?
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Feb 6, 2018 | Career
Workwear: Fit and Flare Dress – Photo credit: amazon.com
This Maggy London twin basket weave stripe matte jersey dress with a fit and flare pleated skirt from Amazon is perfect for a day at the office. The contemporary colors contrast nicely with the traditional fit and flare silhouette, while the 3/4 sleeves are perfect to transition from winter to spring. This dress is $138 at Amazon, and is available in sizes 2 through 16.
In a similar style, I also like this Lark & Ro lace option, which is a lower priced alternative.
Our Workwear feature presents various pieces of work-appropriate attire at different price ranges and sizes.
What pieces of workwear would you like us to feature? Email us at corporate@thecorporatesister.com!
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To Your Success,
The Corporate Sis.
