by Solange Lopes | Oct 20, 2014 | Career |
Should you ignore your co-worker’s friend request on Facebook – Photo credit: levo.com
It happened…Your co-worker sent you a friend invite on Facebook, and you wish you hadn’t seen it…Now you’re thinking about all the not-so-kosher posts on your Facebook timeline, the “interesting” girls night out photos, and how much of your life you really want people at work to know…Plus, as much as your co-workers may be on the nice side, these days you never really know how cray-cray someone is until you land on their social media page…And then, it kinda is a bit late to backtrack…
And these situations are even all the more challenging when your potential new Facebook friend is your boss! I mean, refusing your boss’s Facebook friend request could potentially be more awkward than revealing how much you really spend on shoes (let’s not even go there!). So, to ignore or not to ignore?
My $0.05: I generally have it as a rule not to friend co-workers or bosses. While connecting on Linked In is recommended, other social media platforms can be reserved to our private lives. As to ignoring a co-worker, or even worse, your boss’s friend’s request on Facebook, I would not, just for the simple reason you’re bound to run into them at work. Just send them a nice email, or nicely explain to them you’d prefer to connect on LinkedIn. And if you succumb to the pressure and do accept their requests, you may always use your privacy settings, at your own risk.
Have you friended your co-workers on Facebook, or ignored their requests?
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Oct 20, 2014 | Career |
Jersey Ruched-side dress – $62.30 – Photo credit: www.lastcall.com
This Catherine Malandrino ruched-side dress has flair! I particularly love the twist and draping effect on its right side, along with its tulip hem, both of which take this dress from ordinary to wow! The three-quarter sleeves are very season-appropriate and extremely chic! This dress is also on sale at Neiman Marcus Last Call for $62.30 (down from $128)! I’d pair this amazing dress with this “Parisian-chic-meets-over-the-top” Betsey Johnson grosgrain woven bow duffel bag, and these Charles David gray suede pointy-toe pumps for a jazzy yet elegant look! Can you say impeccable? Pssttt…Last Day’s 30% sale is ending today, so take advantage of the discounts! Seen a great work piece you’d like me to feature? Please email me at corporate@thecorporatesister.com, or leave a comment! The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Oct 20, 2014 | Career |
How to work with a control freak – Photo credit: human capitalist.com
We’ve all been there, at some point or another, working for or reporting to a control freak. These are the people who live to micro-manage us, or in other words drive us bonkers from repeating the same instructions in three different ways in the same sentence, constantly watching over our shoulders and bombarding us with the same repetitive and unproductive questions…
I’ve dealt with my share of control freaks at work. And one of the reasons I have is because, as a perfectionist-in-progress, I can relate. Controllers try to dictate what everyone else is supposed to do, be and/or feel. In their eyes, their opinion is always the only valid one, especially since they have an opinion about anything and everything. “You should format your presentation this way”, or ” I’ll tell you how to tackle this project”, or even “I’ll show you the right way to do this”.
So much so that control freaks tend to do the job themselves, because after all, they could do it best. When faced with the overly critical, to the point of being judgmental, responses of controlling personalities at work, there a few effective ways to cope, and even improve the situation:
1. Maintain a reasonable, yet effective, distance! For control freaks at work, everything is priority! Hence the heightened sense of urgency experienced around these types of personalities at work. To protect yourself from internalizing the resulting borderline aggressive mood, keep a professional distance that will keep you calm and centered….even in the midst of the “control” storm!
2. Watch your response! Remember controlling personalities derive an emotional “high” out of your own heightened reactions! So instead of reacting and showing emotional agitation, nervousness or defensiveness, carefully listen, and come back with relevant questions. Showing you’ve heard them and that you’re focused on solving problems instead of escalating them will disarm them! And if that doesn’t work, confront them about their behavior in a calm yet firm manner: “Thank you for your suggestions, yet I’d like to express mine as well”.
3. Show compassion! Compassion may be the last thing you may want to show a control freak obsessing over your grammar, I know! Yet keep in mind that for all their polish and perfectionism, control freaks are internally afraid! Afraid to appear incompetent, flawed or even worse, vulnerable! So as much as you may want to throw a sharp object at them, be firm yet show compassion and understanding! Every person is fighting their own battles….
Have you ever worked with a control freak? How did you cope?
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Oct 19, 2014 | Career
Breast-Cancer-Awareness – Photo credit: msmgazine.com
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Happy Sunday! Hope everyone is enjoying the week-end… I’m gearing up for the annual Breast Cancer Walk in Providence this morning (shout out to my team “Save the Mamas“), and as I’m sipping on my coffee, here is a brief recap of the news that made me smile, shake my head and straight out go “whut?” this week:
- Speaking of Breast Cancer awareness month, MsMagazine reveals what the breast cancer industry doesn’t want you to know about breast cancer awareness month;
- Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’ve heard about Apple and Facebook’s decision to help female employees with the cost of freezing their eggs. The New York Times discusses egg freezing raising fundamental issues of ethics and fairness, while Time argues company-paid freezing may be the solution to gender equality? I tend to agree with the Telegraph’s opinion that egg freezing for female employees is anything but kind;
- You must have heard about Microsoft’s CEO Satya Nadella setting off a furor on women’s pay; and while his remarks are still stirring pretty intense discussions among women (check out my posts around it here and here), the Huffington Post explains how this could actually be a valuable (albeit accidental) gift for women;
- Ever considered working for free? Well, Black Enterprise lists 6 ways working for free can get you paid;
- Did you know more than 16.6 million Black women get up to go to work every day? Essence magazine, along with research consultants Value Added Cheskin, conducted a great study on Black women’s experiences at work, and the results are amazing…A must read!
- So we’ve seen the gorgeous wedding pics of George Clooney and Amal Alamuddin’s wedding, and now Elle is asking if we should really give the new Missus a hard time for changing her name, in the name of (misplaced) feminism? I don’t think so, but worth a read…
- For anyone who’s ever thought of maternity leave as vacation (in which case you should definitely give sleepless nights and long days a try), Above the Law writes about a judge who refused to postpone a hearing because apparently, maternity leave is not a good excuse Hmmm…at least Vogue is helping us feel a bit better with this opinion piece on why paid maternity leave should be a national election issue (which I totally think it should be);
- Good news for women entering MBA programs! According to Fortune magazine, MBA programs are working to make their female students’ experience better;
- Entrepreneur explains why you should banish the word “Annual” from your performance review vocabulary;
- BossBride reveals the the 4 pitfalls career women make when dating (I could have used this post a decade ago);
- Buddy buddy with your boss? Salary Shark lists the do’s and donut’s of hanging out with your boss;
- Last but not least, this week’s episode of “How to Get Away with Murder” had me going all kinds of ” huh? Whut? Yesss…Nooo!” towards the end as Viola Davis, an African-American woman on TV, removed her wig and make-up, taking off the mask so many of us, professional Black women, wear to work to be accepted by others. In an exclusive interview after this episode, the Wall Street Journal spoke to Davis on the significance of this epic scene. So much so we may want to take another look:
Happy Sunday!
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Oct 17, 2014 | Career |
So…I’m not exactly a sneakers girl. Whether it’s because my favorite sport is shopping, or because my perfect pair of sneakers would have at least a 4 inch heel, I don’t really invest in them. Yet, with two toddlers in tow, a minimal (but existing) fitness routine, and a Breast Cancer Walk this week-end, I’ve gotta give in and find me a pair that spares me the usual “fabulous shoes are painful” blisters, yet don’t cramp my style…
Well, for the stylish, busy and (mildly) athletic woman, these are my 3 favorite (for now):
Nike Lunar Glide 6 – $89.97 – Photo: nike.com
Nike Lunar Glide 6: the louder the colors, the better! I’d sport these with a sleek, dark ensemble, after all it’s not Halloween just yet…
Under Armour trail running shoe – $99.99 – Photo: underarmour.com
Under Armour Trail Running Shoes: Now these are some sleek running shoes! I like the play of color, and yes, the comfort and quality are top as well (hey, the style factor may or may not come first for some of us)….
Gourmet Animal Print Suede running sneakers – $110 – Photo: urban outfitters.com
Last but not least, this pair is not for the faint of feet, ok? Loving these Gourmet animal print suede running sneakers (yes, you can run in them) from Urban Outfitters. Is it daring and uncommon? Yup, exactly why I love it…
Any suggestions for stylish sneakers for the busy working woman? And yes, we may or may not decide to run in them…
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Oct 17, 2014 | Career
Gotta Getawy Dress – Photo credit: modcloth.com
I’m not sure if it’s because I’m really in need of a week-end getaway, or because this dress is just amazing, but I’m loving this Gotta Getaway dress from Modcloth. Loving the boho chic look of this vintage-looking dress.
The sleeve cutouts are especially flattering, and the funky belt just adds a touch of flair to the dress. I’d pair it with these tall riding boots, or these oh so comfortable Minetonka moccasin flats for a stylish, and easy week-end!
This dress is $54.99 at Modcloth!
Happy Friday!
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Oct 17, 2014 | Career
Better to be feared or liked at work – Photo credit: gitsville.com
Niccolo Macchiavelli famously said “It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.” Yet when it comes to business and leadership, is it better to be feared than loved? Or is respect much more important? Yet, isn’t respect established based on a good and healthy mix of fear and appreciation?
Throughout my career, especially as a minority woman at work, I’ve pondered this question over and over. As I reported to extremely nice ( at times way too nice) bosses, and significantly less nice managers, and as I had to also be in a supervisory role, I wondered which was best. Be nice and friendly, and run the proverbial risk of familiarity breeding contempt? Or to be demanding and exacting to the point of breeding less than warm and fuzzy feelings within our work teams?
The reality is, and considering my people-pleasing tendencies (I know, I know, working on it) this is a pretty baffling statement coming from me, neither “doormat-style” kindness, nor Macchiavelli-style fear-inducing managerial tactics, really work.
What works is what I like to call “authoritative kindness”, the kind that calls for respect and consideration at work. The kind that is friendly but firm. The kind that realizes while we’re not at work to make friends, we work better when we’re at peace than in fear-based turmoil.
So be nice and gentle, yet be fearless! Produce your best work and let it shine, unapologetically! Help yourself first so you can help others, and remember, in the words of Viola Davis’ character Annalise Keating in “How to Get away with Murder” last night, “you don’t make history being liked”!
What do you think? Is it better to be liked or feared at work?
The Corporate Sis.
