by Solange Lopes | Feb 6, 2018 | Career |
You know that feeling that overtakes you every time you’re getting close to achieving a goal or objective? That sudden need to procrastinate, the urge to collect all possible negative thoughts about yourself and whatever project you’re working on at the moment? These are all signs that you’re about to sabotage yourself.
Many, if not most of our goals in life, career or business, get unfinished because we tend to sabotage ourselves in the process. We may set the most effective, realistic and functional goals, and still come up short. This is not for lack of skill, motivation or even aptitude. It’s simply because of self-destructive behaviors that keep us from taking action towards our goals and dreams.
I’ve struggled with procrastination quite a bit because I couldn’t recognize the self-sabotage behind my sudden drops in motivation and drive. It took me a while to recognize that one of the hardest battles I would have to wage would be against my own self, to stop destroying my own efforts. For many of us, it stems from a fear to succeed, which is often stronger than the fear of failure.
Here are a few ways to cut to the chase and stop sabotaging yourself in life and at work:
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START with understanding your self-sabotage patterns
Everyone has different patterns in life and at work. Often, we fail to recognize when we’re self-sabotaging, because it feels comfortable and routine to do so. For most of us, there are specific areas in which we often unconsciously ruin our own efforts.
Review the different areas of your life and work, and start identifying the ones in which you’re practicing self-sabotage. It may be in your finances, career, relationships or health. The fact that you’re sabotaging yourself in any of these areas means that you may be struggling with some form of anger, shame, or sense of not being worthy enough.
Interestingly enough, as much as I love writing, I realized that the fear of failure would paralyze my writing efforts and make me less productive. It became clear that I was scared of being rejected, or looking ridicule because of my writing. It was only when I could face this truth about myself that I was able to fight my negative patterns and progress in my writing.
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STOP delaying
One of the most prevalent effects of self-sabotage is constant delaying. You may find that you put off tasks to the next day, and let negative thoughts paralyze you into inaction. For instance, procrastinating before an important meeting, or leaving a crucial assignment to the last minute, is a clear sign of self-sabotage.
Instead, consider tackling your to-do’s as soon as you can, instead of postponing them to a later time. The more you impose this to yourself, despite the negative thoughts and patterns you may be subject to, the more you will fight your tendency to self-sabotage.
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START facing your feelings
For many of us, facing the feelings of unworthiness, shame or anger that lead us to self-sabotage is a no-no. Instead, we tend to suppress them, pretending they don’t exist. As a result, our negative and self-destructing behaviors continue, ruining our best efforts in the process.
It takes a lot of courage to admit to oneself our fears and failures. However, it’s the only way to address them and fight them successfully. I had to admit to myself, and others around me, that I was afraid to be ridiculed because of my love for writing, or for being an introvert. Yet, the minute I could face these fears, I was free to recognize and address these demons. Once you know your areas of improvement, no one can hold them against you.
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STOP dwelling on the past
So many of us are still prisoners of our past, especially when we feel like we’ve failed or haven’t measured up to some ideal we had for ourselves. Instead of focusing on the present, we stay in “If only” land, playing and replaying failed scenarios.
You can’t start over with a clean slate if you keep replaying the past. You have to be able to move on, and make peace with whatever has happened. A great trick is to write yourself a letter in which you forgive yourself for any and everything you’re still holding against yourself, or others. And move on, once and for all..
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START journaling
Journaling is a powerful way to spot those instances when your mind start bullying you and you fall into the self-sabotage trap. I find that expressing my thoughts in a free and unrestrained way, allows me to free myself of the mental and emotional baggage we all carry.
Just remember there are no rules to journaling. You can write freely and express yourself unabashedly. While it may be intimidating at first, it will help you release some of the negative thoughts and emotions you may be feeling. You’ll start seeing more clearly where your blocks are, so you can address them better.
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STOP comparing yourself to others
Comparison is really the thief of joy. It’s also one of the biggest ways in which we sabotage ourselves. Instead of being motivated to do better, we tend to feel unworthy or inadequate. By comparing, you limit your own beauty, effectiveness and potential.
Identify those areas in which you tend to compare yourself with others, and face them head on. If social media or certain relationships trigger you to compare yourself to others and feel less than, consider distancing yourself from them. Focus on YOU and the unique gifts and abilities YOU have been given.
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START speaking kindly to yourself
Faith comes by hearing. It also means that what you say to yourself, you tend to believe. Start speaking more kindly to yourself, and honoring the positive about you, instead of emphasizing the negative.
Start observing how you talk to yourself, whether through your own mental chatter or through the words you use about yourself. You’ll start noticing how unloving you can be towards yourself. We all are. Begin to consciously turn negative thoughts and words into more positive chatter, and watch the difference.
How do you stop self-sabotage in your life and work?
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Feb 5, 2018 | Career |
While we celebrate Black History Month all year long, the month of February reminds us of the role of African-Americans in history. Part of it is also to recognize the outstanding role that Black women have, and still do, play through their fight against adversity and bias. It’s their resilience and power through history that reminds us of our own power and gives us the inspiration to keep pushing.
As we celebrate Black History every day, here are 13 inspirational quotes from pioneer Black women to keep us motivated:
What are your favorite quotes by Black women?
To Your Success,
The Corporate SIs.
by Solange Lopes | Feb 2, 2018 | Career
Welcome to our weekly career, entrepreneurship, lifestyle and fashion news roundup! Think of it as your online watercooler/work gossip station/coffee break spot for now…Want to add anything to our list? Email us at corporate@thecorporatesister.com!
Here’s to your success!
The Corporate Sister
by Solange Lopes | Feb 1, 2018 | Career
Workwear: Stripe Fringed Jacket – Photo credit: talbots.com
Our Workwear feature presents various pieces of work-appropriate attire at different price ranges and sizes.
This stripe fringed jacket from Talbots will add a sophisticated touch to any silhouette. The polished stripes are perfect for any day at the office, while the fringes add a modern, contemporary edge.Fashion and fun are combined in this timeless piece that can go from desk to dinner. It’s $169 at Talbots.
In a similar style, I also like this stripe sweater jacket, also from Talbots.
Check out prior workwear recommendations here, here and there too!
What pieces of workwear would you like us to feature? Email us at corporate@thecorporatesister.com!
This post contains affiliate links and The Corporate Sister may earn commissions for purchases through links in this post. Thank you!
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Feb 1, 2018 | Career
7 Ways to Honor Black History Month at Work
For many, Black History Month is an opportunity to outwardly celebrate the history and contributions of African-Americans. While most are continually celebrating Black History Month all year long, it reminds us to keep honoring it in the present and in all areas of our lives, including at work.
Through our careers, businesses and the work we do in general, we have the power to influence mentalities and initiate positive change for better diversity and inclusion. Here are 10 ways that we can honor Black History Month each and every day in our respective jobs, careers and/or businesses:
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Demonstrate excellence through your example
As a minority woman or man in the workplace, you can start by using your own influence. You don’t have to be a CEO, or even a top executive to effect change. Through your example of integrity, commitment and optimal performance, you have enough influence in your team, department or organization to effect change, if only by correcting negative biases or perceptions around you.
Help another employee by becoming a mentor in your organization. As a woman or man of color, you can use your influence to assist young professionals in the same field. It’s a powerful way of honoring Black History month by giving back of your knowledge and professional resources.
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Recognize high-performing women and men of color at work
It’s no secret that many women and men of color tend to be overlooked in the workplace, as a result of negative bias, perception or office politics. Using this opportunity to recognize women and men of color whose contributions are furthering the purpose of the team, department or organization can go a long way in effecting change. Look around for women and men of color who may not get the recognition or appreciation they deserve, and choose to spotlight them as well.
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Volunteer at a not-for-profit
Many organizations promote service day events. How about suggesting one of those events take place at a not-for-profit benefiting a local Black or minority community? This is a great way to involve your fellow employees in inclusive community efforts that recognize and impact diversity positively.
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Hold a diversity workshop or event
Many of the negative biases and perceptions around women and men of color at work stem from a lack of education. Holding diversity workshops around topics affecting women and men of color, as well as to highlight diversity efforts that can be undertaken, can benefit everyone in the workplace.
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Support Black and minority businesses
If you’re a business owner, consider using Black and minority suppliers, consultants or contractors. If you’re an employee, you may also suggest diverse suppliers, consultants or contractors that could benefit the organization as a whole.
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Suggest policy changes in your organization
One of the most powerful ways an organization can change is through policy change. Consider suggesting improvements in hiring, retention and compensation policies to be fair to women and minorities? If you can, think about ways in which you can encourage your organization to ensure that women and minorities are proportionately represented as well.
What other suggestions would you add to this list?
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sister.
by Solange Lopes | Jan 31, 2018 | Career
10 Practical Tips to navigate office politics as a working woman
One of the biggest obstacles that many a working woman faces in her career is navigating office politics. The subtle yet very much existing bias against working women, combined with the wage gap and other gender inequalities in the workplace, make it challenging to master the politics of office life.
This is especially prevalent for working women as many of us tend to feel uncomfortable in confrontational situations, political maneuvering or quid pro quo behavior. Yet, being in an office also means having to deal with office politics. It means having to operate within the political fray that makes up a large part of corporate and business environment because work politics are simply inevitable. Personal and work-oriented goals collide in the workplace, as people seek promotion and compete for limited positions and resources.
10 Practical Tips to navigate office politics as a working woman-2
As a working woman, navigating office politics has been one of my greatest struggles, especially as an introvert. Between complicated inter-personal dynamics, energy-charged business meetings, and other political challenges at work, I was often left at a loss and confused. It took many years, conversations, lessons learnt and research to even begin to understand how to start making a dent in this imposing obstacle for working women.
If you’re reading this, and are wondering what steps you can take to navigate your particular office or business’ office politics, here are a few practical tips to get started:
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Start with your mindset
I often say that it all starts with our mindsets. What you picture in your mind has an interesting way to manifest. For this very reason, it’s crucial to begin the work within, more specifically in your mindset.
Examine your mindset as honestly as possible, and question the particular beliefs that you hold about yourself and as related to your work, career or business. What are those disruptive beliefs that create fear when it comes to your career or business? Are you challenged by inter-personal dynamics and confrontation, and if so, why? How can you get more comfortable dealing with inter-personal dynamics at work? Asking yourself these questions, and exploring avenues to strengthen your mindset and re-frame your view of office politics as positive and productive can make all the difference in the world.
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Get clear about your motives and goals
One of the reasons why many of us may shy away from office politics is that we’re not clear about what we want. In order to stand your ground in the political jungle prevailing in most offices and business, you must be clear about your motives and goals.
What are your objectives when it comes to your career? What goals do you have in mind for a specific project? What motives drive you as related to your work? Understand these will help you gain the clarity you need to face the professional political landscape.
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Understand the personalities and motives of others
As important as understanding your motives and goals, is understanding those of others around you. It can be challenging to read, let alone control, the complex situations arising in the context of office politics. Considering the mix of personalities and motivations that are most often part of office environments, it can be easy to get lost in the shuffle.
Learn to observe the personalities of those around you, before making any premature assumption or having an early reaction. In addition, try to understand their motives. What does their personality tell you about who they are? What could their motives be as related to a particular project, assignment, or to the team, department or company in general? The more information you can get along these lines, the better you’ll be able to strategically prepare, plan, and create options to manage political situations.
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Advocate for yourself
A large part of successfully navigating office politics is being able to advocate for yourself. This doesn’t mean adopting a defensive stance, or even promoting yourself at all times. Yet, it means placing yourself in positions where you’re able to demonstrate what you bring to the table.
Don’t hesitate to share results you’ve achieved, and to show the benefits that you can bring to a given project, assignment, team or even company. Even better than tooting your own horn, it’s crucial to strategically understand what would constitute a benefit to others, and present it as your unique competitive advantage. This will take you from uncomfortable “bragging” to strategic “serving”.
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Make strategic alliances
In order to successfully navigate office politics, you must learn to recognize the political organization chart. This is not just your formal organizational chart. Rather, it’s about identifying the real office power players around you. Who really has authority around you? Who’s respected and listened to? Who mentors others?
Make strategic alliances with those whose influence you admire and who can help you in your career growth. Build relationships that are mutually beneficial while absorbing as much knowledge as possible.
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Leverage informal networks
In addition to understanding who the power players are and building strategic alliances, you must also get familiar with the social networks at hand. What are the groups or cliques in existence around you? Who gets along with whom? Where are the interpersonal conflicts?
Deciphering the social networks around you can also help you navigate the influences at play. It will also save you from unfortunate faux-pas in your career.
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Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer
This expression perfectly applies to office politics. Understanding the power players, as well as the informal networks, will help you distance yourself from those who use others for their own purpose. While you should be courteous at all times, you should also be careful of what you share with them.
Understand what motivates them, and steer clear of their negative politicking.
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Go above mentorship, seek sponsors
While mentors can pour wisdom, advice and knowledge into you, sponsors can actually advocate for you. These are the people, usually in leadership positions, who will intercede for you and invite you into rooms you wouldn’t normally have access to.
Navigating office politics successfully will require you to have sponsors that support you as you manage the political atmosphere at play.
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Use emotions as your personal compass
Working women are often falsely described as being too “emotional” to successfully navigate office politics. What is most often seen as a success impediment for women at work, is actually a strength. As working women, we can actually leverage our emotional quotient and use it as a compass to be politically savvy at work.
This includes being attuned to our emotions to identify the type of people and environments you’re dealing with. This will help you plan, prepare and adjust how you navigate office politics.
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Adopt a successful behavior
Look around you and identify successful behaviors you can model. Learn to understand your organization’s culture, as well as what works in it. As a working woman, be a model of integrity by limiting how much you deal with gossip, being positive, and rising above conflicts.
Most importantly, always remain professional, and adopt an organizational, rather than a personal, perspective.
What other tips do you have to navigate office politics as a working woman?
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sister.
by Solange Lopes | Jan 26, 2018 | Career
Welcome to our weekly career, entrepreneurship, lifestyle and fashion news roundup! Think of it as your online watercooler/work gossip station/coffee break spot for now…Want to add anything to our list? Email us at corporate@thecorporatesister.com!
- The Daily Muse tips you off on how to save yourself when everyone else in the office is getting sick;
- The Indeed blog reveals how U.S. workers are satisfied with their salaries;
- Recruiting Blogs lists 3 situations when social media can harm your job search;
- Ellevate Network lists 9 steps to killer consistent content for your social media and beyond;
- Evil HR Lady shares the HR policies needed to hire and retain more female talent;
- Forbes lists 4 things women entrepreneurs must have before starting a business;
- Ellevate Network advises us on getting the job flexibility we want;
- Lifehack reveals why your credit score dropped 200 points;
- Corporette shares what to wear to work in the winter;
- Food52 lists 11 wintertime recipes to remind you of summer;
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sister
