by Solange Lopes | Aug 16, 2016 | Career
If you have a tendency to take things personally, you know it can wreak havoc in your career. I mean, spending upwards of eight hours in an office environment, stuck with a myriad of personalities you may (or may not) be attracted to, and often subject to constant requests to perform, can end up constituting the perfect everyday storm for you. From dealing with attitudes changing as fast as the weather, to being under pressure to compete (albeit in a “healthy” way) for advancement, while juggling the rest of your busy life, how can you not take things personally at work?
While some may argue that you should take things personally in your career, as a sign that you’re fully engaged and committed to your career. I happen to have a slightly different opinion, mostly based on experience.
After years of taking things personally at work, I realized how much of an emotional and mental toll it had been taking on me. I came in to work day in and day out with so many expectations as to how I should be received, what I should be getting in terms of credit and opportunity, and how other should behave towards me, that I would set myself up for failure every single time. Every.single.time.
If someone didn’t quite acknowledge my contribution to this or that project, I took it personally. If they didn’t invite me to a key meeting, I took it personally. If they didn’t include me in some project emails, I took it personally. And yes, there certainly were instances when I should have been involved in those key meetings and important emails. Yet, as “right” as I may have been about some of these situations, taking each and every one of these circumstances personally didn’t help me be a better team member or leader.
Yes, I was engaged in my work. I was committed to my success. Hence the reason why I felt so slighted in the first place. But this side of engagement and commitment to my career brought out character traits that weren’t necessarily the best.
There ‘s something about taking things personally that attributes others’ actions and reactions to us. It’s as if we’re telling the world: “All of this is happening because of me.” Which also means we’re negating a gazillion other reasons, personal motivations and human factors in the process, all the while engulfing ourselves in an abyss of self-inflicted doubt, anger and grief.
The more I’d take things personally, the more difficult it would be to objectively assess the various situations I’d encounter at work. And the more challenging it would be to build authentic, fruitful professional relationships. The lines between the personal and the professional, although intertwined in the day-to-day work life, now became so blurred it was literally impossible to work through them.
As much as our careers are part of our lives, and vice-versa, having a healthy separation between the two helps enrich each one, instead of putting too much weight on each.I learnt to let work be work, and my personal life be my personal life. Of course, there are times when they intersect. Yet, in the midst of the confusion , challenges and victories of life and work, tracing a clear line of demarcation between the moments we experience is key to our sanity, and ultimately to our success:
Put yourself on time out before reacting.
When TV personality Kelly Ripa got blindsided at work as her co-anchor abruptly left the show, she took a week off to clear her head. While she was largely criticized for it, it allowed her to come back with a clearer head, and more perspective as she addressed the situation at hand.
In the same way, that some time out when facing a situation you risk to take personally at work. Whether it’s a day off, or even a few minutes locked in the bathroom stall, hold off on reacting at first. Instead, step away, take a breather, and evaluate the situation.
Ask yourself what the situation really means to you.
What does this annoying co-worker really mean to you? Or the promotion that was just given to someone else? Or even the bad review you just received?
Evaluate what that means to you, and if you should put so much mental and emotional energy into it. If it won’t matter to you next year, then why take it personally?
When you’re ready, gain clarification first then respond.
After taking time out and asking yourself what the situation at hand really means to you, seek to clarify it first. Ask your co-worker, team or boss the necessary questions to clarify what’s happening. Once you get enough information, then you can decide on the course of action to follow.
Do you take things personally at work?
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Aug 12, 2016 | Career
This is our weekly career and lifestyle news update, where we round up exciting news of the last week and we let you have it…ahem, news-wise that is…
Think of it as your career gossiping section on steroids…
And while you’re at it, follow us on Facebook, Twitter,IG, and Pinterest!
Here we go…
- In exciting news this week, Simone Manuel makes olympic swimming history in Rio by becoming the first African-American woman to win individual swimming gold;
- Another huge first was accomplished by gymnast Simone Biles, who won the all-around gold in Rio as well;
- In the midst of all these exciting firsts, is it any wonder that over 73% of American workers are planning to skip work to watch the Olympics;
- Arianna Huffington’s teaching us an important lesson about productivity, as she’s stepping down from the HuffPost to embark fully on her new venture. Business Insider tells us more about it;
- Tired of sending out resumes? Forbes tips you off on how to skip the interview yet still land the job;
- Feeling like it’s difficult to communicate at work? Ellevate Network offers great tips on how to communicate with intention;
- Speaking of communication, do you think bosses and employees can be friends? The Lindsey Pollack blog explores the topic;
- We’ve all used a swear word at work at least once (ok, most of us), and lo and behold, it’s actually good for us;
- Do you really want to have it all, or would you rather have a choice? This Ellevate Network article has an interesting take on it;
- To help us get over the fact that Fall is right around the corner (which also means Summer’s almost over), WhoWhatWear gives us a glimpse of what the cool girls will be wearing this Fall;
- We just clocked about 7 hours of flight with both babies, and I should’ve read this NY Times article about flying with shrieking children first;
- Last but not least, I hope my post on staying positive through your career ups and downs will keep you motivated!
Happy Friday!
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sister.
by Solange Lopes | Aug 11, 2016 | Career
It all seemed so unfair to Sarah. She had worked so hard on that particular project, for the credit to be given to her colleague, Jordan. She had only been in this role for a year, but she had tried as much as she could to do her best. Being proactive about opportunities, bravely challenging her introvert nature and striving to speak up. Yet it seemed no matter what she did, she wasn’t given full credit. That there was always something that’d be criticized….To top it all off, her opportunity to lead another project had just been taken away from her.
Sarah’s career hurdles are not uncommon. The same obstacles are faced by countless women (and men) in Big Corporate. Missed opportunities, foregone chances, and this despite all the hard work and perseverance. It’s no wonder so many women (and men) are disillusioned by the corporate world, and have lost their passion and engagement on the job…
How do you deal with missed opportunities and apparent unfairness in your career, and still manage to keep positive?
Disappointments in your career are inevitable. However, if you’re intent on building a successful, engaged work path, facing them in a smart way is a necessity. That’s what I realized a bit later in my career, after leaving many an unfulfilling job because of said disappointments.
But let me finish Sara’s story first…
After she lost the project she had been scheduled to lead for another one of her colleagues, she found herself filling in for ad hoc assignments here and there. One of these ad hoc assignments involved helping the CFO with the quarter’s financial deliverables, which she did with her usual excellence. While everyone else in her team was busy with a project of their own, she went on to assist the CFO with this particular task. Long story short, she delivered a top notch product, was noticed by high-level executives, and was offered a double promotion in less than six months.
All of this from a missed opportunity…
How many of us fail to leverage our missed opportunities by positively keeping on keepin’ on? How many of us, too impatient for the next thing, run from job to job and department to department, only to be faced with the same hurdles and obstacles?
Don’t get me wrong, there are times when you must move. Like when getting out of bed in the morning becomes physically painful. Or when it’s clear you’ll get a better chance somewhere else. Yet, there are also times when remaining positive and sticking it out, in spite of the difficulties, pays off quite handsomely.
In our society of instant gratification and automatic money withdrawals, we’ve become so accustomed to getting what we want when we want it, that we no longer know to let go of the good for the better. So we run from place to place, only to end up jaded and bitter.
In life as in your career, there are no other outcomes than the ones we decide for ourselves. We can either believe the obstacles are bigger than us, or we are bigger than them. We can either look at the muddy middle of our careers, questioning the end. Or we can keep showing up, hands open, ready to grab any opportunity that comes our way…
Because sometimes, if’s when you think you’ve missed your opportunity, that you’ve actually made room for a better one…
As for Sarah, she’s found the success she’s been looking for her entire career, albeit in a very different place than what she thought. And as for me, I’ve learnt a lot of interesting things happen when you stick it out, keep your hands open, and settle for better outcomes, even the ones you can’t quite see coming…
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sister.
by Solange Lopes | Aug 10, 2016 | Career
So here you are, on vacation, away from all the hubbub of the office, your overflowing inbox and all those pointless meetings…Except not really, you’re checking your email five times a day, thinking about the last team meeting and what you should have said but didn’t quite say, and how you should have challenged your mid-year review but didn’t…
In our work-meets-life society, the lines between work and life have been so blurred for so long that it’s become commonplace to bring work with us wherever we go. At the grocery store, in traffic, at the gym, and even on vacation…
While we think we should be rewarded for being so “work-conscious” and dedicated to our careers, we may be unwittingly committing one of the biggest career sins ever. And it has nothing to do with snitching on your co-worker or talking trash behind your boss’ s back…
Do we realize the biggest career mistake we can make is to never let go of our work? Certainly, that’s where we spend the majority of our time,, interact the most with people, and produce the most effort (fort he most part)…Yet, being unable to let go of our careers, unplug and disconnect for some time says more about us than we may like to let on….
As much as “busyness” has become the new badge of honor and career burnout the resulting ailment of our times, being “on” all the time, work-wise, is very often more of a negative sign than a positive one. And being on during the only time you get to step away from the rat race, take a breather and reconnect with yourself, turns out to be even more of a career faux-pas.
When you cannot disconnect from work , even while on vacation, here are the signs you’re sending your team, department or company:
Help! I don’t know how to delegate!
Delegation, when properly done, is an art. It takes a competent leader to asses the work at hand, as well as the ability of their colleagues and team members, in order to effectively delegate. Not being able, or willing, to effectively delegate, will force you to work overtime, including on your vacation. While it may look like you’re sacrificing your personal time for your career, what it also may be telling others is that your delegating abilities are not quite up to snuff.
I don’t trust my team/department!
Trust is an important, if not crucial, component of effective teamwork. When it lacks in a team or department environment, it can create huge inefficiencies, redundancies, and ultimately, unnecessary overload and frustration.
I don’t trust myself!
How much do you really trust in your abilities as a team member or team leader, if you must constantly be “on”? If your work should speak for yourself, then you should trust yourself enough to step away from it and let others take the relay. Having a need to constantly be in control is also a sign of lacking in self-confidence and trust in yourself. And if you’re up for that promotion, the last thing you want your higher-ups and team to think is that you don’t trust your own work.
Vacations are the ideal time to not only take a break, re-assess your career and life path, so you can come back more motivated and more effective. It’s also the time to show that you have the necessary leadership traits to step away from your career without losing it.
Are you making this career mistake while on vacation?
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sister.
by Solange Lopes | Aug 10, 2016 | Career
Photo credit: shop style.com
In my Corporate Catwalk feature, I pick a piece of clothing great for work (and that you can rock in life too)…
Nothing like a piece of clothing that reminds you of your last summer getaway! Like today’s Corporate Catwalk pick, this Amalfi button down skirt from Ann Taylor. Love the luscious print on this otherwise classic skirt, which takes it from regular wardrobe stable to spectacular piece! And it’s on sale for $64.99 to boot.
I also like this sundrenched floral pencil skirt, also from Ann Taylor. Oh and this chrysanthemum pencil skirt too…
Which one if your favorite?
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Aug 9, 2016 | Career
Photo credit: shop style.com
Today’s Corporate Catwalk is the epitome of “classic chic”. This Carmen By Carmen Marc Valvo dress is simply distinctive, what with its original plaid patterning and the unique shoulder cutout details. The contemporary elegance of this dress is so well balanced with the classic sheath silhouette. Not to mention that it’s perfect to transition from Summer to Fall! This dress is $168 at Neiman Marcus.
While we’re still on the plaid bandwagon, I also like this flattering short-sleeve cotton-blend number from Brooks Brothers, as well as this conservative chic (and very reasonably priced) version from Haute Look. This Vince Camuto edgy fit-and-flare dress is also delightful, while this tie-waist shirtdress is perfect for a casual Friday.
Which one is your favorite?
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Aug 8, 2016 | Career
So there, suitcases are packed, passports are out, you’re ready to jet off on your vacation, finally! No month-end reports or emails in sight for the next few days. Only sandy beaches, margaritas, and relaxation galore! But did you also know that this long-awaited and overdue vacation is not just going to save you from your boss and over-booked calendar?
Actually, this time off laying on the beach sipping on a mango margarita while enjoying the latest summer read could very well be pushing your career to the next level…Are you smiling yet?
We already know taking a vacation, unplugging, disconnecting is good for your career. It helps you reconnect with who you are, what you value, and what’s important, so we can come back more relaxed and emotionally grounded. That ‘s the average, general case scenario.
What we don’t often realize is that we can actually leverage this time to propel our careers forward. Because it’s not just enough to jet off to some exotic spot in the Caribbeans, or run out of the office as if a ghost were after you…However, it takes some practice and a bit of discipline to turn this time of relaxation into an actual career asset (even if that’s not exactly what you’re thinking about as you’re lounging on the hot sand).
I still remember this particularly eventful vacation where I actually spent most of my time checking email and stressing about how much work I had to do when I’d come back. End result? I left stressed, went swimming stressed, and came back to work stressed…with an extra five pounds to boot.
Here are 4 tips you can use to further your career as you’re enjoying beautiful sunsets and skipping email while on vacation:
Set a vacation agenda.
No, this is not about visiting a gazillion museums and trying every local bakery (although there’ something about carbs and vacation, but I digress). This is about being clear about what your time off is about. Is this vacation an opportunity to spend some time with family? Is it a personal time of introspection, or do you need to get away to re-evaluate your priorities?
Being clear about it will help you be more conscious of those areas you need to heal, or ponder about while away. Instead of scattering your time in endless activities, you’ll be more mentally attuned to yourself. You’ll be surprised at how much clearer you are once the vacation ends.
Boost Your Creativity (and Give Your Brain a Break).
As in, stop worrying about that project you handed in before vacation, or that email you may not have sent out. Our brains are flooded every day with huge amounts of information we barely seem to control. And in turn, it blocks the natural creativity that helps us come up with new ideas and innovative concepts.
On vacation, your mental activity is stimulated by new experiences and new sights. Not mention the benefits of mental and emotional relaxation, which also set you up for success. Instead of the usual apathy and mental tiredness you may be used to dealing with, you’ll be buzzing with new ideas and motivation when you get back to the office.
Limit your access to work.
Yes, the point of being on vacation is to unplug from work and really enjoy the time away from the office. Yet, the reality for many is that we’re still connected…even a little bit, when on vacation. Rather than giving in to the guilt of not being connected at all, or on the other end of the spectrum, being surgically attached to your handheld device, why not reach a middle ground?
If you absolutely have to check on work, promise yourself to do it in a limited manner. Whether it’s once a day for no more than a half hour, or once a week, set a limit and stick to it. Only address urgent emails, while keeping in mind this will also lessen the pile of work you find when you get back.
Set goals for your return to work.
Yes, you want to take advantage of every ounce of your vacation. Yet, taking the last couple of days to mentally prepare yourself to return to the office can put you at the top of your game. Think about your goals and objectives for the remainder of the year, and how you can best achieve them.
Even better, take some time to visualize your success at work. If you can, write down some of your most important goals in a notebook or journal.
How do your further your career on vacation?
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sis.
