As I listened to my fellow Bible school teacher recount how she got passed over for a promotion that was rightfully due her, I couldn’t help but recall my own feelings and profound sense of despair at experiencing the same thing years before. The shock and hurt on her face looked all too familiar, as I was reminded of my own shock and hurt when told I didn’t have what it took then to make it to the next level in my career.
It’s a disappointing, hurtful, and also confusing realization that can hit you like a ton of bricks, even when you’ve prepared yourself for it. As a Black working woman in the professional world, and as minorities in general, it can also be debilitating and perplexing as we tend to ask ourselves the real reasons why we may have gotten passed over for a promotion we have worked so hard for.
Being passed over for a promotion at work stings. For many, if not most of us, it’s a huge blow to our hard-working egos, an attack to our work ethic, and the sometimes bewildering realization that we may be failing at our careers. It doesn’t just put in question our work, it also puts our life goals and personal abilities in stark perspective. As women, it may dig into our sense of self-esteem, revive our impostor syndrome demons, and deter us from further progress. According to this survey of 400 participants by Fairygodboss in partnership with the Female Quotient and Progyny,men tend to be promoted by men, and women tend to be advanced by women in the workplace. Considering that most decision-makers in companies are men, it’s easy to understand why women lag behind in terms of promotion.
As women of color, it can rekindle the painful fire of possible discrimination, and exacerbate the sense of not being up to par or belonging that we’re already too familiar with. As a matter of fact, this research study on minority perception of exclusion and promotion hurdles confirms that minority candidates tend to experience significant obstacles to promotion due to social exclusion, and are only advanced when their track records are deemed to be sufficiently superior than their majority counterparts. Overall, its impact can be devastating, humiliating and downright handicapping for way too many of us.
The good news is, as painful as it may be, losing a promotion doesn’t spell the end of one’s career. As a matter of fact, it may just be the single occurrence that can propel your career forward as a working woman, if and when you’re ready to reap the lessons from it and build yourself up in the midst of disappointment and loss. Here are a few ways to turn this loss into one of the most momentous gains for your career and life:
- Dare to ask why
One of the biggest mistakes I made when losing a promotion early in my career was to not ask why. I was afraid my inquisitiveness would be perceived as disrespectful or challenging the status quo. Even worse, I was terrified of losing my job, especially now that I felt that my career was in greater peril than ever. As one of the only minorities in the office, I was scared that one wrong move would mean career suicide. So I remained silent, swallowing the blow as stoically as I could muster, blaming myself for reasons I couldn’t fully understand, despite some of the feedback given me at the time.
I have since then learnt to speak up more at work, especially when faced with something I may not fully understand. Not in defiance or with aggressiveness, but as a way to better understand and act upon the situation at hand. You cannot improve or learn from any situation if you don’t fully grasp its meaning. Besides, asking the reasons behind a loss of promotion also opens the door for another woman to do the same, while increasing your chances of progress.
- Use the power of accountability
Speaking up at work also means holding yourself and other parties involved in this decision to be held accountable. It’s when you understand the reasons behind any loss, that you can devise a plan for improvement and hold yourself accountable to it. Even better, it’s a powerful way to hold your manager or the powers at be accountable to monitor your future progress and give you credit for it. A large part of asking for feedback is also to devise a step-by-step process to improve future outcomes, and agree on a timeline to take action.
There are certainly instances when some promotion-related decisions are unfair. Even so, it is still crucial to use the power of accounting on yours and other parties’ behalf to improve the situation at hand.
- Turn your loss into lessons
“What is this teaching me?” This may not be the first question you may be tempted to ask yourself when faced with the loss of career advancement. Yet, it may be the single most impactful question you can manage to muster here. Losing a promotion, and any failure in general, can teach you a wealth of lessons about yourself, your environment and others. What if there are skills you need to improve on? What if you’re an excellent employee but your leadership skills are in need of honing? What if this is not the right fit for you and you may need to make a strategic move?
Many successful working women’s careers or businesses took a turn for the better when they were willing to learn from their career failures. As such, this may be more of a blessing in disguise than you may think.
- Now go ahead and act!
You may learn a wealth of lessons and garner invaluable information from losing a promotion at work. However, it may all go to waste if you don’t act on these. For some, it may mean re-considering your existing skills and maybe investing additional courses or classes. For others, it may be a matter of taking a deep look within and assessing your entire career path. Others may find that it may be time for a lateral move, or even a break entirely.
Whatever you may be called to do after being passed over for a promotion, honor yourself by taking action and growing from it. This is not the end, neither is a permanent stain on your path, or an indelible reflection on you. It’s an occurrence in your career and life that doesn’t and should never take away from who you are and what your bring to the table as a working woman. Most importantly, it’s an opportunity to grow, learn, and get closer to the best version of yourself…
Have you been passed over for a promotion? How did you cope?
The Corporate Sister.
