Every year, the resolution frenzy takes over, as people all around the world make a list, however much realistic (or not), of goals they plan to accomplish during the new year. And yes, I was “people” for the longest time (and I still am)…
Making a list of changes, however unrealistic, at the beginning of the year, somehow feels like a relief when faced with the unpredictable newness of another turn around the sun. It feels good to etch ideals of achievement, goals and behaviors on a virgin slate of time… As if laying these down on paper, or even uttering them in the atmosphere of a still pregnant future, would make them magically turn into reality…
For many years, as an overachieving perfectionist, a mom, wife, professional, I would partake in the same resolution ritual, peppered with slight variations in form, loud empowering affirmations and frail temporary faith here and there. Yet every year, it would be the same walk down the hallway of resolution shame, barely hanging on by a thread of watered down excuses… until the following year, that is…
At the end of last year, I finally, and quite ungracefully bowed out of the annual resolution dance, less out of an urge to do better and more out of sheer exhaustion. I was just sick and tired of being sick and tired… The same goals and strategies that have been hammered on us from year to year, from “waking up earlier” to “getting more organized”, not to mention “making it to the gym this year”, no longer worked for this mama juggling work, kids, home and everything in between…Especially not in the post-COVID era of scarce childcare resources and non-existent parental support…
I needed something else to keep me going…I had just completed a terminal degree that left me running out of steam, while raising a teenager and a tween, and pursuing an academic career I am passionate about. I was out of resolutions, out of stamina, and in serious need of something stronger than black coffee with a spritz of lemon juice and a touch of cinnamon. I needed a mission, beginning with a mission statement…
In his acclaimed book, “The 7 habits of highly effective people”, Stephen Covey discusses the importance of building our own mission statements, whether personal, team or family-oriented. He delves into the power of mission statements when discussing the second habit entitled “Begin with the end in mind”, out of the 7 habits defined in the book.
According to Stephen Covey, a mission statement is about “ defining the personal, moral and ethical guidelines within which you can most happily express and fulfill yourself.” The way I see it, a mission statement is the clear, concise expression of one’s purpose, priorities, along with the actions to live a purposeful, fulfilling, and successful life. It’s a compass of sorts to keep us on the path that is right for us…
As I stepped into the New Year, the idea of a compass, a sense of direction in an otherwise increasingly directionless world, sounded so much more appealing than a set of empty, albeit widely popular, resolutions. As a mom, career woman, wife, along with the other hats I, like so many other women, wear day in and out, it took me decades to realize that popular strategies and mainstream advice do not work for me. As a matter of fact, from talking to so many other women, they hardly work for many, if not most, working women and moms. Hitting the gym three to four times a week, as much of a sound resolution as it may be, is not as practicable for a mom struggling to barely make it to work after dropping off the kids to school and daycare. Neither does the 5am club be much of an option for an exhausted working mom in dire need of sleep. Instead, a sense of direction, a compass that could be adapted to my own purpose, life, circumstances and chaotic kitchen, may just be what the doctor ordered…
So this year, I’m skipping the resolutions, and embracing my own mission. My own mission statement, to be more exact…One as unique as my purpose, priorities, and goals…If like myself, you are sick and tired of being sick and tired of making (and breaking) the same popular resolutions, here are three steps I can suggest to begin the process, inspired from Stephen Covey’s mission statement builder:
- Hone in on your Vision
Who do I want to be? What may sound like such a simplistic question holds so many answers as to the direction to take in a new year. Even if the vision is not yet clear, just delineating the character we may envision for ourselves can get us started in the process of framing our mission. This includes digging into what we are passionate about, what drives us, what we can imagine ourselves doing without the time and resource constraints we usually face, especially as working women and moms. It’s visualizing our life’s journey, and using it as the start of the mapping of our own personal missions.
When I first started crafting my mission statement, reflecting on my vision and who I want to be turned out to be quite the interesting exercise. I had anticipated struggling with even beginning to lay down my vision in words. Yet, in the absence of distracting lofty goals and resolutions, it became simpler and so much more enjoyable for me to see in the eye of my mind, through the things I enjoy doing and the childhood dreams I still have, what my vision is.
What is your vision of who you want to be? What if time, resources, and other constraints were no object? What if you cleaned the crowded slate of popular goals and commonly accepted objectives to re-focus on what truly matters to you?
- Identify your values and principles
What are your values and principles? What would you like to make a priority going forward? Who are the people who influence you? What are the physical, social, emotional, mental and spiritual activities that you value the most?
Delving into what I value the most was surprisingly refreshing, as opposed to setting far-fetched objectives that raise the already high level of pressure we’re under. It also brought light to many of the things I have been doing that are not in alignment with my values and principles. In a way, it confirmed the sense of direction I had started getting from defining my vision in the first step.
- Focus on future contributions and achievements
What can you do going forward to contribute to those around you? How can you use your gifts and talents to do so? When are you at your best to do so? To complete the sense of direction you have started getting from honing in on your vision and defining your values and principles, you can begin focusing on future contributions.
Getting to this third and last part was not quite as laborious as I thought it would be. Armed with a clearer vision and sense of my own values, I was inspired to see how these could serve those I love deeply, and the world at large. I was encouraged by documenting my own gifts and talents, and the concrete ways these could be of service.
What struck me through this process is that actual achievements and contributions only came after refining my vision, values and principles. Unlike the traditional, and popular way of setting goals, this process first led me on a foundational self-introspection journey, before laying any goals down. It did not leave me to fend for myself against far-fetched, misaligned objectives, almost setting me up for unavoidable failure. Instead, it provided direction and guidance.
As I went through each one of these steps to build my own mission statement, I experienced a sense of relief and clarity that resolutions and goals never provided me. For once, I felt in my lane, aligned with the vision that was mine, the values that I believe in, and the contributions I feel inspired to make with the strengths and desires I have. For once, I did not feel like I had to meet some elusive ideal of excellence that was not in line with my authentic self. I felt like I did not just set a destination with no idea as to how I could possibly get there. Instead, I had some sort of a map, or at least the foundation of it, that would lead me back to the only destination worth getting to: myself.
Have you built your own mission statement?
Happy New Year,
The Corporate Sister.
