by Solange Lopes | Jun 19, 2018 | Working Mom & Woman Tips
As a working mom, summer can be interesting juggling acts. You may have to combine your work, with the kids being out of school, vacation planned, and the inevitable slowdown that comes with the warmer months. While it may seem like it’s all about weekend getaways, tropical vacations and happy hours, the reality is that summertime is also a serious balancing exercise for most working moms.
I used to dread summertime, wondering how to keep the kids entertained while working, packing the right way to go on vacations, having a good time, and not breaking the bank in the process. The result? Instead of relaxing and taking advantage of the summer slowdown, I would be exhausted come September.
What I learnt after many overly packed summers is to actually use a few key tips to manage my career and life as a working mom:
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Mindset first
It always starts with your mindset. If you anticipate that your summer will be exhausting and packed with to-do’s, chances are it will be. Start by taking it easy on yourself, and envision yourself actually having a good time. Let go of the anxiety of controlling every single detail, and instead allow for spontaneity and surprises to come your way. The point is, you must decide ahead of time that this will be a great summer!
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Let go of perfection and guilt
I know as a working mom, I tend to want everything perfectly organized and planned. I also tend to experience guilt when I’m not as productive as I thought I would be, or when the kids aren’t as entertained over the summer. The result is usually a lot of stress stemming for unrealistic pressures and expectation.
Instead, let go of perfectionism and guilt. Yes, there will be times when the kids will be bored, and it’s actually good for their creativity and overall balance. Yes, you might miss a deadline at work, or the vacation may not go as planned. It’s ok, it’s called life.
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Set expectations
While you may want to let go of unrealistic personal or professional expectations you or others may impose on you, you also have to set your own so as not to end up overwhelmed and frazzled. If you’ve asked or are planning to ask for a flex schedule at work because you have to pick up the kids at certain times, make sure to set some clear expectations as to your availability with your team and management. If you have vacation time scheduled, or need to start later or leave earlier, be sure to communicate it early enough and stand by it.
In the same way, set expectations with your family in terms of what you can and cannot do. There is no use driving yourself insane serving as the chauffeur, vacation planner, playdate facilitator, if it’s going to leave you begging for your sanity at the end of the summer.
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Have some REAL downtime
How about having some REAL downtime? Not the kind of downtime when you bring your laptop with you, or grab some unfinished work to tackle as you’re sitting poolside. Not even the kind of downtime when you check on your family and friends, scroll through Instagram, or catch up on email. I’m talking about the kind of downtime when you do absolutely NOTHING!
If you must, pencil it in in your calendar, enlist the help of your hubby or a trusted friend to watch the kids, and enjoy the pleasures of doing absolutely nothing, nada, ziltsch! The other day, I caught myself sitting at the park while the kids were busy drenching themselves in sand, and for once in a while, it was pure bliss to not do anything (and not feel guilty about it)!
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Automate, automate, automate!
Repeat after me: Technology is your friend! Which means, whenever you can, you should seek to automate as much as you can. From your bill payment, to your appointments and even certain services you get, automate, automate, automate! Not only does it free up precious brain space, but it also allows you to re-purpose all this administrative time into pure fun or well…a nap!
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Set reminders
Summers are busy for working moms! In between camp activities, vacations, work, playdates and other fun mommy activities, you’re bound to forget something. Set reminders as much as you can to help you keep track of what you have to do. I remind myself that I have kids and they must be bathed and dressed daily, because: full brain!
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Seek help
It takes a village, even in the summer! Don’t hesitate to ask for help this summer as you handle the kids, your work, the vacation planning, and everything else in between! You don’t have to do it all. Leave the kids with the hubby for an afternoon as you go read a book at the local café. Enlist the help of your family so you can take off for a girls’ getaway. Look for a kids’ daycare at the vacation resort so you can enjoy that spiked margarita poolside. Or just hide out in the bathroom and read a page of your favorite summer read. Whatever the case is, consider seeking help so you can recharge over the summer, minus kids’ cries that is.
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Turn off social media
Unplug, unplug, did I say, unplug! There is no true relaxation unless you turn off social media. As entertaining as it may seem, it nevertheless keeps putting added pressure on us to keep informed of what everyone else is doing. Which also takes additional space in our already busy and crowded minds. This summer, challenge yourself to unplug at least once a week, and use this newfound brain space to relax!
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Stop comparing
Along the same lines as turning off social media, refrain from comparing your summer with every other working mom around. Yes, you may be vacationing locally this year while your sister is jet-setting on a yacht along the Amalfi coast. Or you may be working your behind off to launch your business while everyone else is lounging on the beach. The point is, you don’t have to do what everyone else does. You don’t really know what they’re going through, so stop comparing yourself to them. Instead, enjoy what you have, make the best of your summer, and find joy in all you do.
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Be present
Last but not least, simply enjoy the moment and be present. When you’re at the beach with the kiddos, be at the beach with the kiddos. When you’re answering that email before taking off for the day, be there to answer that email to the best of your abilities. My point is, instead of looking forward to the next moment, the next vacation, the next quiet moment, just be there enjoying the present time!
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sister.
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by Solange Lopes | May 14, 2018 | Career
Whether it’s for a better opportunity or to leave an unfulfilling, or even toxic, situation, walking away from your job is no easy task. It almost always requires some form of adjustment of one sort of another. There are may reasons why you may be thinking, or may already have, quit your job. Despite these, it’s always best to quit a job, any job for that matter, without burning bridges.Or at least without burning too many bridges…
You may be called to remain in the same network, or may even have to come back to the organization you’re leaving in the future, or keep in touch with the people there. These individuals may also serve as references for you in the future. Which is exactly why it’s always best to say goodbye on professional terms.
Here are 5 tips to reflect on and use as you plan on or act upon quitting your job without burning bridges:
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Be flexible
As you leave your job, you may want to show some willingness and flexibility to finish your work and train the next person. While two weeks is customary, you may consider offering a longer resignation period, unless you’ve already committed to a start date at your next job. It really depends on your prior commitment, your agreement with the next ob or project you’re moving on to, and your relationships in your current work environment. In any case, be as considerate and show as much flexibility as you can.
The only caveat in this case is that you may want to avoid giving too much notice. The minute you decide to leave, you’re already perceived as an outsider anyways. Think about it when working to strike a balance between enough notice and too much notice as you quit your job.
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Let your boss know first!
After deciding to resign, you should announce it to your manager first. The last thing you want is for your boss to hear it from someone else before it gets to him/her. Not only is it a sign of respect, but it allows you to have the initial conversation with him/her directly and avoid any “he says/she says” surrounding your departure.
After you’ve told your manager, you can then decide how your resignation gets communicated to the rest of the office. Whether it’s in an email, during a meeting, or personally informing key people, it’s up to you to pick the best way to inform others at your workplace.
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Express thanks!
Being grateful for the time you’ve had in a certain position goes a long way. It shows that regardless of what may have transpired, you are professional enough to end your tenure on a positive note. Whether it’s a general thank you email on your last day, or personalized thank you notes, don’t forget to thank those you’ve worked alongside of throughout your time at the company.
You can even go the extra mile by mentioning particular things you’re thankful for, such as a mentor taking time to guide you through your tenure, or a co-worker assisting you on multiple projects. While you may not need to broadcast these specifics, you may want to tell these particular people how they’ve affected your career. Not only is it considerate and touching, but it’s also just great karma!
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Let it go and don’t leave on a sour note!
You may be prompted to leave bad managers or toxic wok environments during your careers. Whatever the case may be, it’s important not to leave on a sour note. While there may have been challenging situations in your work, avoid dwelling on the negative as you quit your job.
If asked about issues that occurred during your tenure, spin these as learning opportunities rather than complaints. Refrain from speaking negatively about anyone, especially during your exit interview. Always ask yourself: “What positives have I learnt from the situation?”, and present it instead of exiting on a bitter and resentful note. Be as professional and positive as you, and karma will do the rest!
5. Don’t be a stranger!
Regardless of the circumstances of your departure, don’t be a stranger! The last thing you want to do is lose the network you’ve grown and built already. Professional contacts can help you expand your network, and tap into new opportunities as you move on to new ventures.
As you quit, exchange your contact information with your peers, colleagues and managers. Connect with them on Linked In, and periodically keep in touch to keep your network fresh and engaged!
Leaving your job on a positive and professional note is a great recipe for career progress and fulfillment. It shows your maturity, class and professionalism, and continues to set the foundation for your career success as you move on to bigger and better opportunities!
What would you recommend to quit your job without burning bridges?
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sister
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by Solange Lopes | May 7, 2018 | Career
As working moms, it can be challenging not to face the “mommy bias” at work, especially when we have to make special arrangements in our careers and businesses. Early pickups, flexible work arrangements, or impromptu family-related emergencies, are all par for the course when it comes to being a working mom. This may also resulting in a mommy bias at work when co-workers and even managers begin resenting the flexibility or circumstances of a working parent.
As a working mom, I often felt scared of asking for flexibility at work. While I was fortunate to work with understanding co-workers and managers when it came to having work-life integration, there was always a fear of the “mommy bias”. What if leaving on time or early would keep me from getting a promotion? What if my colleagues would think I’m a slacker? Speaking to other working moms, I realized that in certain environments, the “mommy bias” could lead to women being ignored, resented, or flat-out punished for being parents.
As much as we may think that our society has progressed and mentalities have evolved, the truth remains that the traditional role of moms caring for their babies at home is still largely upheld. This underlying bias is real, although often denied. More often than not, women with children or expecting babies, are deemed to be less competent. It is assumed that taking care of a household and family is incompatible with excelling at work, which results in many women being taken off the leadership track or simply relegated to lower-profile assignments.
As archaic as it may sound, this reality is prevalent for many, if not most working moms. However, there are ways you can fight it in your workplace or business.
Here are some tips to fight the “mommy bias” at work:
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Be strategic!
Since you already know the reality of the working mom bias and how it can affect your career, you need to be as strategic as possible about your career, especially as you approach maternity leave. Before leaving to give birth, make sure to have a conversation with your manager and team to ensure that there is a clear understanding that this new phase of your life does not alter your career.
Have a plan in place for your return to work, and as much as possible, work to have your manager and team commit to it. It’s important that all parties understand what is on the table, and prepare accordingly.
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Keep showing your ongoing interest and commitment in your work
Even after having children, post-maternity leave and an ongoing basis, keep showing how committed you are to your work. While there exists an assumption that working moms may be less effective at their jobs, do not let it derail you from your career goals.
Set up regular meetings with your team and management to reiterate your commitment to your work, and set clear goals for your career. The last thing you want to do is be discouraged and throw in the towel.
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Be prepared to fight for opportunities!
Along with showing your commitment, you also want to motivate yourself to fight for the career opportunities you deserve. Many working moms are unfortunately at a disadvantage when it comes to being considered for high-profile assignments or positions. However, this shouldn’t keep you from defending the work you have done, demonstrating excellence and arguing your case.
Don’t let the fact that you may be overlooked at times deter you from seeking the right opportunities for your career. Instead, use it as fuel to do your best work.
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Take it easy on yourself
As much as you should be prepared to fight this mommy bias at work, you also have to keep in mind that you have a lot on your plate. It’s challenging to deal with children, the household, your relationship, and be a beaming light of hope at work. Can you do it with flying colors? Yes, certainly.
However, you should be mindful of prioritizing your self-care and checking in with yourself as often as you can. Being a committed employee does not mean sacrificing yourself in order to keep everyone comfortable. Decide how much you’re able to give and what you need to keep yourself at the top of your game and happy.
Now your turn: How do you fight the mommy bias at work?
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sister.
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by Solange Lopes | May 2, 2018 | Working Mom & Woman Tips |
Every year as Mother’s Day approaches, you can’t miss the onslaught of marketing ads, cards and flowers thrown at us from everywhere. Don’t get me wrong, getting a cute (preferably funny) greeting card, some adorable flowers and an elegant purse of pair of shoes is a wonderful touch of kindness and care. As a working mom, I value all the precious gifts the hubby has given me over the years (mostly at my not-so-discrete request).
However, as years have gone by, more kids were born, and laundry steadily got out of control, my gift request list has (slightly) changed. As I was chasing my youngest in a crowded restaurant while trying to extricate the bread roll he shoved in my bra and keep butter from drizzling all over my new Spring dress last Mother’s Day, I mentally made a list of 10 things I want most for Mother’s Day this year.
At the risk of foregoing the most adorable (and priciest) bouquet of flowers and gorgeous purse, here are 10 things this working mom wants for Mother’s Day this year. And guess what, none of them includes stepping into a store and sliding a credit card anywhere (ok, maybe a little):
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A nap (or just sleep in general)
The last time I tried to remember my last nap, I almost got a brain freeze. If you’re a working mom, the thought of laying down for a few uninterrupted minutes during the day may seem like finding an oasis in the middle of Manhattan.
Well, for Mother’s Day, I may just want to find that one oasis in the middle of Manhattan. Which also means laying myself down somewhere in the middle of the day, closing my eyes and enjoying this mother of a peace!
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Silence (lots of it)
If you’re a working mom, or have been around any mom in any country in the world, you know that silence quickly becomes a hard commodity to come by. As a matter of fact, even when there is silence, your mommy brain may still come up with some imaginary child voice asking for bread with Nutella or clean underwear (or both)…
For Mother’s Day, my silent request is to have some silence, as I negotiate with my brain to shut down the imaginary kids’ voices (which may or may not be mine). Plus I’ll take it with a glass of red Beaujolais, please and thank you…
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Going to the bathroom alone (at least once on Mother’s Day)
Do you remember when you used to go to the bathroom alone, preferably with a book? Ok, now, fast forward, do you remember the last time you sat on the throne for more than two seconds alone with your thoughts as a working mom? That is, without getting interrupted because a) everyone needs to pee at the same time as you, b) everyone has a question for you right as you sit on the toilet, or c) there is some unnamed emergency you need to run to right that minute.
On Mother’s Day, I’m renaming our (cleanest) bathroom as “motherhood territory”. Which also means no interruptions and a good book to boot.
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Reading a book without any little person ripping the page off
Speaking of books, how many working moms remember the feeling of actually leafing through a real book, with real pages? Or even holding a Kindle device without any little fingers splashing Nutella all over it?
Well, I personally don’t. Which is exactly why reading a real book is quite up there on my list of Mother’s Day demands. And ideally, the pages would remain in the book and not in some (adorable) little person’s hands…
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A nanny for the day (you may add a cook, laundry person, and special attendant)
I understand the point of Mother’s Day is to celebrate mothers; and that what makes us mothers is actually having (and dealing with) children (plus the resulting housework and mental exhaustion that comes with these precious little humans). However, since we’re making exceptions for Mother’s Day, a nanny (preferably an overachieving one who may or may not have graduated from the Harvards of Nanny schools) would be pretty awesome.
I also wouldn’t be opposed to a personal chef, laundry person and even a special attendant too. Just saying, don’t judge me…
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The abolition of cooking and cleaning (even to bring me breakfast in bed)
The last time I was treated to breakfast in bed for Mother’s Day, I was also treated to a substantial pile of dishes in the sink, sticky syrup on the floor and all over my sheets, and did I mention the entire kitchen area turned into a war zone? Don’t get me wrong, it’s absolutely adorable and have made me almost lose my nightly hair pineapple (hello naturalistas)…
For Mother’s Day, can we respectfully agree to abolish any cooking or cleaning? Which may involve pre-cooking said breakfast in bed, ordering it in, or just enlisting the help of the hubby (and his whole squad) to clean up afterwards?
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The apocalypse of laundry
Right along with laundry, can we talk about the curse of laundry? This hungry monster seems to multiply by the day, signaling the never-ending plague of household chores. Not that I don’t enjoy loading multiple laundry packs and folding a gazillion little underwear as I reflect over what happened to my life…
Well, for Mother’s Day, let’s decide on the apocalypse of laundry, which also means hiding any evidence of dirty clothes from sight, and providing enough clean underwear to keep any laundry crisis at bay…
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Extreme and obnoxious pampering
We’re not talking about a regular mani-pedi here. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a pretty nice treat. Yet, since we’re talking about things I really want, how about some extreme and pretty obnoxious pampering? Like an entire day at the spa, or a massage combo, or anything that makes you feel extra special that day?
So for Mother’s Day, if I must choose between overpriced and perishable flowers, and raising the bar on mommy pampering, I’ll pick the latter. Which also includes wearing some form of lipstick (away from my teeth), cute (non-walking/running) heels, and a designer bag instead of the traditional bulky diaper bag.
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Death to the mom routine
While we’re at it, let’s do away with the mom routine too, including kids bath, fights over the outfit of the day, or riding around all day picking up and dropping off kids to social activities and playdates. In other words, a clean, sweet break-up with the every day mom routine.
For Mother’s Day, I will gladly relinquish all said routine mom duties to the lowest bidder. No hard feelings…
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But I still want to know that my beautiful family is there, just quiet and not too close
Yet, what I really want, in addition to all the very reasonable (ok, maybe not for the special attendant) demands above, is to have my people around. The ones who drive me bonkers, make me carry dirty socks in my purse, and have turned my car into a dirty minibus.
The only thing is, I just want them where I can see them, but not where I have to be involved in any diaper changing, counter cleaning, or question answering…Just for one day, everyone sit pretty and smile, and let Mommy be…You may come back tomorrow with your unmet needs, demands and requests, plus any complaints about the lack of clean underwear…
From Mommy with Love…
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by Solange Lopes | Apr 25, 2018 | Career
This post is sponsored by BabbleBoxx.com on behalf of the Paper +Packaging Board #ad
As a professional or an entrepreneur, how many times have you felt overwhelmed by technology? Do you often seek a respite from the onslaught of apps, alerts, and other tools that are supposed to increase your productivity but instead diminish it? And how many times have you had to put your smartphone away to focus on the task at hand or avoid a disaster (hello, distracted driving!)? I know I have, many times over…Truth is, in the midst of our distraction-prone, tech-addicted, multi-tasking society, focusing and being your most productive self can be a challenge. Yet, it really can be as simple as going back to the basics and… putting pen to paper.
I grew up in Senegal, West Africa, at a time when simplicity was a way of life. If you missed a phone call, you wouldn’t know until you got home (and that’s if you even had a phone at home). Tests were administered on paper, and you didn’t have to fear a technical glitch would mess up your entire day. While I didn’t realize it then, this simplified way of life that promoted note-taking and limited distractions also helped with learning faster in general. According to this Psychological Science study, the process of taking notes significantly improves learning and information retention.
There’s just something about pen and paper that instantly warms my heart. Some of my best childhood memories involve paper of some sort. As a busy working mom, I watch my own daughter collect journals, notebooks and pens with nostalgia and a renewed appreciation for the gift of paper in work and life. While it may seem that smartphones, apps and other electronic gadgets are taking over our lives, the truth is, putting pen to paper is still one of the best ways to learn, be our most productive selves, and enjoy the process of creativity and life in general:
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Write and read to enhance your personal growth
If you’ve ever felt unsure, down or depressed, you know how writing down your feelings and thoughts can improve your mood. Even better, it can help significantly enhance your personal growth. There’s a reason why it’s called “writing therapy“. I journal daily as a mental and spiritual practice to help me process my emotions, get clear on my strategy and grow through what I go through.
Have you also noticed how refreshing it is to read on paper? As a matter of fact, reading on paper has been proven to help improve memory and increase mental development. My most relaxing moments are spent with a physical book such as the entrepreneurial masterpiece Rework. That’s why I challenge myself to read as much as I can every single day, even if that means hiding in the bathroom away from the kids. To challenge yourself to read more, you can join here to take the pledge to read 15 pages a day.
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Put pen to paper to achieve your goals
Writing down your goals and objectives is a great way to clarify them. It also empowers you to pursue them with added resolve. Best-selling author and entrepreneur Tony Robbins advises going further than just thinking about your goals, and actually writing them down.
There’s something about writing down your objectives that not only motivates you to achieve them. It also allows you to check back on them and track your progress, in addition to keeping distractions at bay, including messages, apps and videos. I love doing so and enjoying the experience with fun tools such as the pre-sharpened, original hardwood pencils from the General Pencil Company.
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Use paper to slow down and refuel
Have you noticed how many apps exist to actually help you shut down the noise of technology? There are actually many tools available to mute notifications from computers and smartphones, and help you be tech-free for a while.
As much as I love using technology, I make it a point to step away from it periodically, tune out and put pen to paper to slow down and refuel. One of my favorite daily activities is journaling, which helps me process my thoughts and emotions and get more clarity on my goals.
Another one of my absolute favorite things to do is reading. For me, there’s nothing like the smell and feel of a traditional paper book to get in my relaxed zone. Despite being a busy mom, I try to make the time to read at least a half-hour every day. You can do the same by taking the pledge to read 15 pages a day.
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Increase your creativity with paper
According to Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project, even the simple act of jotting down notes on paper helps cultivate your creativity. As a creative person, I’m always amazed at what happens when I start putting pen to paper. Ideas I may not have thought about previously unexpectedly come out and new creations emerge.
Even for non-creatives, writing things down can spark unusual inspiration and creativity. It’s the reason why I carry a planner or notebook like the Panda Planner along with me at all times. Not only is it easier to transport than a computer, there’s also no worrying about finding a power source in case the battery dies.
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Boost your career with writing
Using paper can make all the difference in your job search and career. Sending a written thank you note after an interview adds a distinctive touch that makes you stand out in a sea of emails. Similarly, written thank you notes foster positive relationships while at work. It’s a personal step that sets you apart from the crowd, and impacts your relationships significantly. I personally love the Erin Condren notecards for their professional and elegant look. A thoughtful thank you card may just be the lasting touch that gets you the job, or helps you finalize the business deal. It also activates feelings of gratitude in you, which keep your brain healthy and happy. An overall win-win…
In addition, lessening your dependence on technology can help you avoid losing precious documents or ideas due to lack of power or unavailable wi-fi. Don’t let a low battery or missing wi-fi signal keep you from writing down a great idea so you don’t forget it, or foregoing hours of work as a result of technical issues.
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Get organized
While there are many electronic to-do list options available, paper to-do lists are still more efficient. An electronic to-do list can easily be lost behind another screen, but a paper list provides an easier visual cue you can keep on hand to remind you of what you have to do. Additionally, a paper to-do list motivates you to achieve your goals faster, so as not to have to rewrite them.
I’m obsessed with the Knock Knock Goals notepad, as a fun way to list my goals and keep them visible all day long. As a Certified Public Accountant, it’s also important for me to keep track of all my business documentation by using file folders such as the Carson Dellosa smart and colorful file folders.
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Get happier
Overall, using paper to write about your goals, process your emotions, list your tasks, and so many other written activities, can generally make you happier. According to this 2011 study, such writing can foster increased well-being, as well as decreased incidences of illnesses.
There’s power in being able to shut down the noise around you, focus on your goals and engage in a process of creativity that pushes you to be your best self.
In conclusion, using paper is a powerful way to balance out your use of technology and tune out the external noise for greater productivity and focus. Fostering your personal growth, learning faster, and living better can be as simple as putting pen to paper. Let’s start today…
For more inspiration on being your most productive and best self, visit 15 pages a day.
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sister.
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