by Solange Lopes | Feb 7, 2018 | Working Mom & Woman Tips
If you’re a busy working mom, celebrating Valentine’s Day may seem like yet another commitment to add to your calendar. At least, that’s how it has seemed to me quite a few times. For one, there’s the whole making handmade cards and gift bags for both the kids’ classrooms. Then there is the whole having to shave, wash and style my hair, and actually find a cute outfit for the day of, when all I want to do is collapse on the couch with toothpaste on my latest pimple. Oh and did I mention finding a thoughtful yet not too corny gift for the hubby, right after the holiday budget cuts too?
Navigating Valentine’s Day as a busy working mom can simply be a challenge. While you may be grateful to actually have the opportunity to celebrate, it may require some prep work and organization you may not exactly be ready to provide.
Here are a few ways that you can celebrate Valentine’s Day as a busy working mom, minus the stress, overwhelm and deep desire to lay down for a nap:
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Lay off the perfectionism
It’s Valentine’s Day, not a rehearsed performance. While I understand that some people go big or go home when it comes to V-Day, there’s no need to go above and beyond if you don’t feel like it. In other words, you may have to skip the handmade cards and elaborate homemade cookie bags for the kids’ classmates, in favor of pre-written cards and mini-chocolate boxes from Walgreens. You can still smile at the overachieving mom who came in with individual brownie mini boxes for your kids’ classmates though, you just have different priorities, that’s all….
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Involve the entire family
Make it more fun, and easier on you, by involving the entire family in the celebration. Kids love being assigned some responsibilities. Why not entrust them with putting together the goodies for their classmates, and maybe even picking Daddy’s gift? You may enjoy the process, and have fun as you cross it off your to-do list.
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Focus on spending time rather than money
I noticed that when I took the focus off of doing, doing, doing, and instead started enjoying V-Day as an opportunity to bond with the family, it was a better experience. Instead of buying gifts, we started a Love Day tradition, including cuddling together on our tired couch and swapping fun stories.
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Do what works for you and your family
Have you ever watched the jewelry commercials airing ahead of Valentine’s Day, and wondered how far the celebration should really go? As a busy working mom, you may even ask yourself if you’re doing something wrong by keeping it casual and low-key. The most important thing is to do what works for you and your family, both in times of time and money.
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Treat yo’self
Last but not least, don’t forget to treat yourself and celebrate yourself. It doesn’t necessarily mean splurging on your favorite pair of Louboutins (although it could). Yet, it does include doing something FOR YOURSELF. It could be as simple as reading a book, taking a bath, or treating yourself to a spa. In any case, don’t forget yourself in all the hustle and bustle of V-Day.
How do you celebrate Valentine’s Day as a busy working mom?
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sis.
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by Solange Lopes | Feb 6, 2018 | Working Mom & Woman Tips |
Earlier today, I picked up my son from school. As soon as he jumped in the car, he started telling me about a discussion they had in class about racial segregation in the US, and how “the white people and the black people drinking from different bubblers”. I understood his class discussion was related to Black History Month. As he was recounting the story in his 6-year old’s words, I couldn’t help but getting nervous at the prospect of having to explain what Black History Month is really about.
With all the positive and negative events that have occurred in our society, from racial tragedies to movements igniting change such as #BlackLivesMatter, #MeToo, #TimesUp and the #WomensMarch, it’s more important than ever for everyone to learn our history. This is especially crucial for kids as they are growing up in a society that is ever-changing.
It took me some time as a parent to come to terms with how to properly explain what Black History really means to my kids. The last thing I wanted was for them to grasp a sense of being different, or to build walls with others. It was important for me convey that as important as history is, it is to be used as a learning experience to make the present and future better.
Here are a few ways to explain and share Black History with kids, minus the uncomfortable conversations and hushed tones:
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Explain with compassion
Black History Month is about celebrating the achievements of African-American men and women throughout history. Teaching kids about the contributions of the African-American culture to modern society, and having compassion as you share the unfortunate events of the past, such as slavery and segregation, is key.
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Teach them through books
There are many available books sharing black history, from slavery to the civil rights movement. You can find these at the local bookstore or library. Here are some suggestions to get you started:
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Let them taste it
How about teaching about Black History Month through their taste buds? You may want to cook up a pot of southern style collard greens, or take them to a restaurant specializing in African American heritage food.
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Have them experience the artistic side of it
There are many art events, both local and non-local, during Black History Month. Research performances at your local library, schools, or community centers, so your kids can experience the arts part as well.
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Build a family tree
A fun project for the kids to teach them about black history is to build a family tree. It may involve some research but will keep the kids engaged and learning.
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Visit historical places
Have you considered visiting African Heritage museums, or historical places that can be used as learning moments for the kids. Do some research to locate these places in and outside of town.
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Talk to elderly relatives and friends
Do you have access to elderly relatives and friends that your kids can talk to and learn from as related to Black history? Create a connection between the different generations so they can learn from each other.
What other tips do you have to teach kids about Black History?
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sis.
*Please note this post contains affiliate links, and I may be compensated if you make a purchase through some of these links.
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by Solange Lopes | Feb 5, 2018 | Working Mom & Woman Tips |
The other day, my son asked me to play cards with him as I was in the middle of finishing some client work. Exasperated, I asked him to give me another five minutes so “Mommy could finish working”. At this point, it had been about ten series of five-minutes I had requested from him, complete with sighs on my part and mini tantrums on his. Yet this time, instead of throwing yet another mini-tantrum, he simply turned around and said to me: “You never want to play with me”…
As I watched his little frame slowly turn around, an unusually sharp pain pierced my mom’s heart. Kids have this uncanny ability to speak truth in all circumstances, and this time again, he was right. My schedule had been unusually charged, between both kids, school, home and life in general. Like so many other working moms, I was trying to balance my work and my life, to juggle it all, to be all I could be…
As working moms, it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking we can balance it all. It’s tempting to buy into the notion that we can have it all, attempting to balance the large plate of our personal and professional obligations on our already over-extended shoulders. What we don’t often realize is that we cannot do it all, and neither should we. When I’m working on a project, I’m not available to my family, and vice-versa. There are also times when my family life takes over, and I spend less time at work. At other times, I may work overtime to meet a work deadline, and have less personal time. All of this makes work-life balance quite elusive at best, if not unattainable; which makes work-life integration not only much needed, but painfully necessary…
Your work is part of your life. In the same way, whether you like it or not, you do bring the effects of your lifestyle with you to work. While they may not be readily perceptible, they still impact the way you work and how productive you end up being. This is not about using your every waking hour to fit in work and other commitments. Neither is it about being available at all times, and jumping from one task to the other in an effort to be unrealistically flexible. It’s about de-compartmentalizing our lives and careers to create more fluidity between work and life. The point of work-life integration is to soften, not harden, our approach to how we work and live.
In my experience, I’ve found that having the flexibility to integrate work and life, in a healthy manner, allows me to be more present as a mom, wife, and woman. Don’t get me wrong. This doesn’t mean working at all hours of night or having my phone constantly on. What it means for me is that I’m able to work from home when my child is sick. It also means that I can take advantage of the kids napping to sneak in an email or two; or that I can leverage my peak productivity hours instead of strictly relying on an imposed work schedule.
Here is how we can all integrate our work and life as working moms, instead of spinning our wheels on a constant search for an elusive work-life balance:
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Know yourself and your circumstances
It all starts with understanding what works for you and your particular circumstances. This means understanding how you work best, what your family and environment needs are, and how you are best fulfilled. This will help you determine how best to integrate your work and life, and make it work for you and your entire family.
Many moms have no other choice than to work around their kids’ schedule. For this reason, many end up sacrificing their careers and personal fulfillment. This can be avoided by finding the right formula to meet work and family obligations in a healthy and productive manner.
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Build a work-life integration strategy
Along with understanding what works best for you as a working mom in terms of work and personal arrangements, t’s important to build an effective integration strategy. This includes setting a schedule of priorities for yourself and your family, and sticking to it.
For some, it may means having a specific daily focus, to maximize the available time at their disposal. For others, it may mean working non-traditional hours to prioritize their family care during the day. Ask yourself what strategy will work best for you, and be open to experimenting as you go along.
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Focus on being present
Work-life integration is not about doing more and fitting in as much as you can during the day. Rather, it’s about softening the mental and physical barriers between work and life, so we can be more present.
Instead of being stressed out at work because you’re not able to pick up your sick child at school, you can have the peace of mind to care for him or her. Rather than being distracted while spending time with your family by work concerns, you can actually be more present.
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Prioritize your happiness and well-being
The most important aspect of work-life integration is to be happy and fulfilled. It’s to move with fluidity through life and work, and not be compelled to make unnecessary drastic and difficult choices. How many working moms have to sacrifice their family in order to be successful professionally? How many others are sitting at home, unable to focus on their family, because of a broken career or business dream?
In order to show up well at home or at work, you must be fulfilled and happy. If that means having a non-traditional schedule to be present with your loved ones, then so be it. If that also means relying on a spouse’s support while we climb the corporate ladder or build your dream business, then so be it as well.
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Be open to change
Integrating work and life also means allowing a certain sense of flexibility in. Being open to change, whether professionally or personally, is the key to finding the right formula for you and your family.
No two careers or lives are alike, which implies that what may work for you may be a total disaster for me. By welcoming change and the possibility of experimenting with various ways to integrate your work and life, you are able to find what success really looks like for you.
How do you integrate work and life as a working mom?
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sis.
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by Solange Lopes | Jan 23, 2018 | Working Mom & Woman Tips
As of December 2017, a new tax reform law has been signed into effect, affecting working parents and families in significant ways. Depending on their particular circumstances, some working parents may notice an increase in their taxes, while others may be getting a break.
If you are a working parent, here are 5 ways you and your family be impacted tax-wise going forward:
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If you’re married, your family may benefit from a tax cut
The new tax bill doubles your standard deduction as a married couple, which translates into a tax cut for most families. However, if you happen to reside in an expensive city and you itemize your deductions, you may be at a disadvantage. The reason for this is that sales and property taxes, as well as state individual income deductions have been capped at a total of $10,000, which limits how much you can deduct if you are in those expensive cities.
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If you’re in a high-income household, you may get a sizable break
Higher-income households, most specifically those earning between $500,000 and $1 million per year, will benefit from the biggest tax break. It may sound unfair but it’s the reality.
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No such luck for single parents
If you happen to be a single parent, you may have relied previously on a number of personal exemptions that were associated with filing as “head of household”. The new tax bill has done away with these personal exemptions, which means that a single parent would incur more taxes than a married family, and this despite the doubling of the standard deduction.
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You will benefit from a larger child tax credit
The child tax credit has been doubled to $2,000 from $1,000. The refundable portion is also larger than it used to be, which will benefit more lower-income families. However, in the end, wealthier families will still benefit more than single families.
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our family may have access to more paid leave
The new paid tax leave credit for companies encourages businesses to offer employees earning less than $72,000 up to 12 weeks of paid leave in exchange for a tax break. This may benefit working parents who desire to take more paid leave.
Got any tax-related questions? Click HERE to contact our sister consulting website SW Consulting.
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sister
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by Solange Lopes | Dec 3, 2017 | Find Your Purpose
This morning, my son and daughter were both painting their Santa figures. A peaceful Santa painting workshop quickly turned into a comparison war, as they both started comparing their mini works of art. Pretty soon, we had to break a kiddie war on who the next Picasso would be.
As I watched them, I realized how so many of us grow up to compare our looks, intellect, careers, businesses, down to our hair and the way our homes are decorated. From the times we’re taught by society as kids to be good or bad, taller or shorter, lighter or darker-skinned, richer or less rich, we start internalizing these messages. In turn, it becomes harder and harder as time passes by to stop this act of violence against ourselves.
Comparing ourselves to others is effectively denying our uniqueness, our God-Given talents, gifts and abilities. It’s doubting that we are fearfully and wonderfully made, and that no two of us is alike. Instead, it’s allowing the pressures of society, as well as our own self-imposed pressures, to not leverage what we have in front of us. If there ever were a distraction to success, comparison is definitely it.
How do we stop comparing ourselves to others when most of us are raised and socialized to do so? How do we manage, especially as working women, to withstand the demands of modern society and the influence of social media to run our own races? And how do we stay on track and on our own lane despite it all?
I’ve asked myself these questions one too many times. Growing up in a single parent family in Senegal, West Africa, being original was not exactly the priority. At the time, it was about surviving first, then making it second. Sometimes, when you’re coming up against the curve, your main parameters can come from others around you. And when you’re different, what seems to be the norm can also appear like your only parameter.
One good thing, actually probably the only good thing about comparing yourself to others, is that it stirs up a pain and uncomfortable feeling that signals the danger of it. Comparing ourselves to others is being violent to ourselves, and the frustration that comes from it clearly shows it.
Here are a few ways that I’ve learnt to stop the comparison train in my own life, and regained the peace and clarity necessary to pursue my own race:
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Learn to celebrate others (without getting mad at yourself)
One of the biggest reasons why we doubt ourselves is that we fail to celebrate others. The more we celebrate others, the more we learn to genuinely be happy for others. Whenever we can muster the strength to clap for others, we learnt to appreciate everyone else’s individual journey and story without comparing it to ours.
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Realize you don’t know what’s behind everyone’s journey
Very often, we envy others without realizing what hides behind their own journey. You’ve heard it before: “The average success story takes 10 years”. What this also means is that we don’t often see the trials, obstacles and failures on their path. We don’t see the sad moments, the times of discouragement, and the loneliness that has plagued many a successful person. Before you’re tempted to compare yourself to someone else, consider that they may have to pay a price that you may not want to pay.
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Trust your own journey
Every path is unique, so is every individual. What you can do is different from what anybody else can do. Your contribution to this world is uniquely tailored to your personality, gifts and talents. Comparing yourself to someone else implies that you don’t trust or honor your own path and uniqueness. The last thing you want is someone else’s journey.
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Practice gratitude
Gratitude is a powerful towards honoring yourself and your own journey. The more grateful you are, the more you tend to celebrate your own blessings and accomplishments, and the more you tend to enjoy others’ as well.
Being grateful for everything in your life, no matter how seemingly insignificant, is like saying: “I am enough, I am right where I should be when I should be there!”
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Celebrate yourself (even if no one is celebrating you)
Celebrating others is not enough. You must also learn to clap for yourself, without waiting on the approval of others. Celebrate yourself, take yourself out to dinner, treat yourself. Learn to periodically stop and appreciate how far you’ve come, in preparation for how far you’re going.
How have you stopped comparing yourself to others?
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sis.
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