by Solange Lopes | Feb 10, 2017 | Working Mom & Woman Tips
So you’re working from the comfort of your home, in your PJ’s, sipping on your hot cup of cocoa while dropping some nuggets of professional wisdom on your laptop….All is well, you don’t have to wear pants, comb your ‘fro, or look human for that matter, and you can still get your work done without the office buzz and constant interrupting.
That is, until your toddler comes crashing into your office with a full cup of juice now spilling all over your laptop, actually, ahem, the company’s laptop…And there goes the romantic aspect of working from home, right out the window, as you proceed to call IT to figure out how you can save that spreadsheet you’ve been working on for the past day, or resuscitate the almost-defunct machine…
That’s the story of many working moms (and dads) who get the luxury of working from home, with the steep discount of doing it all in the lovely company of their active, attention-needing kids. And while there’s a lot being said out there about working productively from home, and eliminating all the distractions that come with it, what’s not being said enough is that doing the whole work from home thing with kids is a whole ‘nother ball game. As in juggling ten thousand balls in the air, and dropping all of them, all at once…Yeah, like that…
Many companies allow their employees the flexibility of working from home. It’s a great perk that’s often used as a backup for school closings, unavailable childcare, doctor appointments, etc. Except in most cases, it also means you’re working extra hard to deal with your kids, your work, and looking for your pants in the meantime…
From catching up on my work from home day with a work-from-home evening/night/whatever it takes, to having full-blown conversations with my kids about the importance of letting their parents earn a paycheck (so they could buy toys), here are some of the best most practical tips I’ve gathered over time. Nothing glamorous, just what works without anyone losing their mind, hair or allowance for the next 10 years:
Start early!
As in: wake up before the storm starts! At least that’s how I call it… I try to set my alarm for at least an hour before everyone wakes up, not just to be able to hear my own thoughts, but to get started on any major task I have for the day…
Have a P-L-A-N!
It’s one thing to have somewhat of a plan when you’re working from home alone and trying to stay away from the fridge or keep from getting it done and over with that pesky laundry!
It’s another when you’re surrounded by kids who have zero concept of your professional obligations! Hence the P-L-A-N! I’m not talking about your basic to-do list, but an actual kid-proof contingency plan, complete with games, fun activities, and even sugar bribes….because: sanity…
Be realistic!
Let’s be real! Working from home with one or multiple little humans is not going to be as productive as being in your comfy cube listening to jazz music… Just sayin’…
To avoid major frustration and chocolate meltdown, be realistic about how much you can REALLY get done! Adjust your to-do list to reflect the most urgent tasks and use early morning hours, naps and other quiet times to get your hustle on…
Take breaks!
Between running after your kids to make sure they don’t accidentally lock themselves in the freezer, and being on conference calls while singing the “happy poop” song to your toddler, it can get rough! I mean, I remember dreaming of the peace and quiet of my cube while begging the kids to keep quiet so I could explain why my project status was down to zero…
So give yourself (and the kids) some breaks during the day! Whether it’s taking a quick walk outside, playing hide-and-seek for 10 minutes, take a load off sometimes…
Keep the communication with your team open!
Make sure to keep expectations on par with your team! Set clear deadlines and allow yourself what I call some “buffer” time…. You know, in case the little one unplugs the wireless connection, spills juice on your (company) laptop, or has a serious crisis over non-cooperating Lego pieces…
Use the rewards system!
You don’t know what working from home surrounded by little humans is until you’ve actually done it…And come out of it alive with some sanity and professionalism left!
So reward yourself for holding it down all day and still be sending civil emails and well-crafted reports… Oh, and give the kids a hug for actually trying to understand why “mommy” has to keep her job to be able to buy more Lego pieces…
Get feedback!
Don’t forget to seek and get feedback to improve on your productivity while working from home. It could be a simple “hey how am I doing?” to your boss, or a personal assessment of how many projects you’re completing in the office versus at home…
Oh, and ask the kids how mommy’s doing too…You’d be surprised how many ideas of legitimate kids’ bribes they can come up with…
What’s your best advice to work from home with kids?
To Your Success,
Solange
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by Solange Lopes | Jan 6, 2017 | Working Mom & Woman Tips
After we got married, hubby and I started a family tradition of talking about /writing down our goals at the start of every new year. As two consenting adults having recovered from excessive dessert consumption, we’d swap intentions for the next 365 days. Kinda like when we swapped vows, minus the white dress, the pricey venue, and that tight undergarment that threatened to choke me…
A few years and a few babies in, our intention-swapping process was met with little wondering eyes from the little people in our lives, who started asking us: “What’s a goal?” It was time to start including the little people in our family tradition…
But how do you explain the concept of goals to kids? How do you help kids set said goals too? Do they even have realistic dreams yet to nurture? And if they do, aren’t we running the risk to crush them under our rigid adult goals and intentions?
I mean, dear daughter wants to be a singer, and my little guy has his (stubborn) heart set on being a superhero. If we were back in my native Senegal, their sweet dreams would have been welcome with the rolling eyes and pursed lips of concerned parents. And following, the immediate admonition to quit dreaming and promptly start settling for a career in medicine or business. Or possibly finding a rich husband if you were female…
Back to my dear little people’s goals…I have some more thinking to do when it comes to the whole superhero thing…But for my future in-house Mariah Carey, while her goal is a very long-term one, it can help her to set benchmarks to attain it…Like little tiny steps she can accomplish every year to get there, or anywhere she sets her mind to really…
When we started realizing that we could actually let our kids safely express their dreams, and teach them to set benchmarks towards them while putting up with setbacks and roadblocks, the whole goal-setting process with kids became more of a fun adventure…
Here are seven imperfect but working principles every parent can use to help kids develop strong goals and start the new year (or new month/week/day) energized and confident (minus the occasional candy and sweet treats):
Ask Your Kids About their Goals/Dreams/Aspirations
The last time my mom was visiting from Senegal, we were discussing how little parents back home talk to their kids. And how little they know about their kids in the end…I mean, I still remember my friend (we’ll call her Aminata) telling her mom she wanted to skip out on college and become a writer instead…after they’ve put themselves in debt to send her to medical school. I let you image the amount of eye rolls and finger snapping coloring the rest of the conversation…
Start with getting used to asking your little ones about their dreams, goals and aspirations. Even if all you’ll hear about at first is superheroes and Shopkins…
Encourage your little people to have realistic goals.
Ok, so this part is a lot less pleasant than letting your son or daughter take you along La-La-Land on their dream adventures with Superman on the moon…But it’s also one of the most valuable lessons you may be teaching them…
Most times, kids come up with gigantic goals that are so far off reality you may have to take a deep breath. I mean, if dear daughter sings so out of tune the family cat runs and hides under her own litter box, it may be high time for a reality check. Like “baby, is this something you really want to do?”
But challenge them with just-out-of-reach goals.
As much as we may want our little people to have realistic goals, we also don’t want them to settle into Comfort Zone (or our basement) forever…If you don’t push them to challenge themselves, they may never leave their rooms…
That’s the great thing about setting goals that are attainable, but force them to reach. Goals that teach them to try. Goals that challenge them to push themselves.
Help them set specific goals.
A good goal is never so vague no one really knows what in the world you’re talking about. Like with the whole superhero thing, or being a star soccer player…
After allowing yourself to smile on the inside, motivate your little people to be more specific about their goals. Ask questions like: “What do you want to be a superhero?”, “How many goals do you want to score per game?”…
Brainstorm together to make these goals more specific, and turn it into a game to make it even more fun.
Do the Breakdown thing.
The next time dear daughter decides to create a worldwide line of beaded bracelets (hello entrepreneurial spirit), help her do the breakdown thing. Teach her to chop her goals off into small, manageable chunks. Like making a couple of bracelets that look like bracelets first. Then maybe find a client (or bribe Grandpa to buy them all)…
This way, they’ll know where to start, what to reach for, and the art of building a Beaded Bracelet Empire.
Map It Out.
Ok, I love mapping stuff out…There’s something about drawing little paths and checkpoints and goalposts that make me all warm inside…And doing it with my little ones as we set up goals at the beginning of the year multiplies the fun factor (plus the messes and graffiti everywhere)…
Help your little people build visual aids documenting their goals and the steps to reach them. Make it a fun exercise, and push them to check in on their goals every so often. That will help them in turn develop their own systems to set goals and crush them.
Turn It Into Family Fun.
Goal-setting is more fun when done in family…With all the mess, everyone speaking on top of each other, and the kids cleaning their sticky hands on the New Year’s vision board…That’s family fun for you…
But seriously, despite all the confusion, setting goals together as a family can help foster an environment of cooperation and support. Plus some good laughs in the process…
How do you help your kids set goals for the New Year?
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sis.
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by Solange Lopes | Oct 12, 2016 | Working Mom & Woman Tips
It’s 7:30pm, and I’m half-lying on my daughter’s’ desk, as the hubby’s tirelessly explaining to her the concept of breaking 38 into various sets of tens and single digits. Didn’t get it? No worries, it took me a while too…If you’re a working parent (and yes, from the cubicle to the kitchen, we all are), you may be shaking your head as you read this…
Let’s be real…As much as we’re invested in our kids’ schooling, there’s that moment between the time you get home and realize dinner’s not ready (or existing for that matter), and when you’re faced with your kids’ mountain of homework. And it’s not like you remember fourth grade arithmetics, or can keep from yawning long enough to even read the topic at hand…And you know you’d rather get a root canal than admit that you have no clue what the heck their homework’s about….
I would know…As the Zero Patience Queen, some of my biggest parenting lessons have jumped at me, held me by the neck and slapped me around right around homework time. From admitting that I don’t know everything (yes, I have), to refraining from begging my baby to please understand additions before I have to pull my ‘fro off, the (homework) struggle is real. Thank God for the hubby and the power of prayer, or my edges would be resting peacefully in the Working Mom Hair’s cemetery…
There’s been quite a bit of a debate over whether parents should help kids with homework, and I do agree that parents shouldn’t do the work for their kids, or preventing them from achieving their learning milestones on their own. However, I still believe being available as a support and resource (without doing the work for them) counts mentally, emotionally and spiritually for both parents and children.
After countless evenings spent trying to remember old math concepts, and practicing silent inner meditation, here are some of the most precious lessons I’ve learnt from long homework sessions right after long days at work, applied arithmetics, and lots of love in between:
It’s Bonding Time.
If you’re a working mom (or dad) who’s ever felt those pangs of guilt when leaving your child at daycare or school to head to work, then homework time may be a great opportunity to bond while supporting your child.
I learnt at my own expense that, when it comes to homework time, it’s not just another task to cross off the family’s to-do list. It’s a good opportunity to check in on your child’s progress while still giving them enough space to do their own work (and enjoy their accomplishments). It can be as simple as being available to answer questions, or point your child to the right resources or thinking process.
Make it a collaborative process.
I remember the transition from having my babies “graduate” from daycare to preschool, and then to “real school, with actual homework, lunch bags to unpack, and a whole set of other logistical expectations to meet. And I remember the first days of coming home from work after 8+ hours at work, and answering my baby’s homework questions as I tried to hurry and empty my bladder in our now public home bathroom (yes, it gets that deep)….
Truth is, when it comes to adjusting and developing good school habits, including homework completion, it’s a learning process for both parents and children. Of course, we make it look like we’ve got it all handled, but I’d bet you even Olivia Pope would have some adjusting to do here…
After both Dear Daughter and I suffered from not being adjusted well enough to our daily routines, it took some discipline and both of us setting up a “homework ritual” to get us through the initial hurdles. Together, we’ve implemented our “3-Step system”, whereby she completes and reviews her homework (that’s Step 1), gets to ask any questions she has to help her through it (Step 2), before I or dear hubby take a look and point her to anything she may have to correct (Step 3).
Patience is a muscle.
Last but not least, the most important lesson the whole “homework” process has taught me over time is that patience, especially when it comes to parenting, is a muscle. Which also means you must exercise it, develop it, or watch it shrink in frustration as you desperately try to remember some random Pythagorean muscle…
And I’m so happy to report that our homework sessions have gone from tense and chocolate-filled, to fun and empowering times for both of us, Pythagorean concepts and all…
How do you handle the kids’ homework as a working parent?
Love,
The Corporate Sis.
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by Solange Lopes | Oct 1, 2016 | Working Mom & Woman Tips
It’s Saturday morning, the official start of the weekend, I’m standing in the middle of my kitchen after breakfast, and there’s mess everywhere I look…Sink filled with dishes, check! Laundry basket making faces at me with the overflowing bed sheets from last week, check! Kids turned the TV Room into a toy zone, check! And all I want to do is curl up on the couch with a good book and watch something I actually don’t have to use my neurons for…
via GIPHY
If you’re smiling as you’re reading this, you may have recognized a common feeling among working moms (sorry when it comes to chores, working moms win the war) everywhere, aka the Dread of the Weekend Shift. You know it, it’s that tightness in your chest as you think about just how much you have to do to catch up on your chores at home. And the mounting frustration as you realize it’s actually the week-end, and you’re supposed not to work…And if you add to that Junior’s soccer game, Dear Daughter’s piano recital, and “getting your hair did”, it’s a wrap…You might as well lay right there on the floor and pray for some miracle, or Haagen Dazs sea salt caramel ice cream…
There’s just that point when you hit the weekend shift wall, and you can no longer accept to work at work, work at home, and work everywhere in between. It’s time to reclaim your weekends, and achieve some sense of balance in between all the to-do’s will-never-be-done, and why-is-laundy-never-ending’s…
After much resistance and not enough ice cream to drown my weekend shift sorrows, here are some drastic changes I had to make to regain whatever shred of sanity I had left, and be able to read a page or two, or sit down somewhere for a minute or two. And I mean, if you’re into coming from work on Fridays and spending the rest of the weekend cleaning up, tidying up and cooking up, by all means, I’m your biggest fan. But for the rest of us who can actually honestly admit we hate laundry and would like to take a nap once every couple of years, there may be a few adjustments we can make to replace the weekend shift with actual weekend fun.
Spend less on stuff, and more on help.
For me, it means staying away from any shoe store, shoe expo, shoe displays, shoe anything...
via GIPHY
And actually reading the pile of unread books I have at home, prior to destroying my bank account on Amazon just because I signed up for Amazon Prime and shipping is free… In other words, I had to put myself on a tight budget so I could replace all my spur-of-the-moment, ooh-that-looks-nice-and-I-might-need-it-some-day impulse purchases with actual help.
So I saved the money and hired someone to help me with cleaning the house and doing chores. I have to say it was a BIG mindset change for me, for two reasons. One, I thought I didn’t need to pay someone for something I could do myself. Two, I could do it myself and save the money to go buy stuff I didn’t really need. Typical case of the chicken and egg…
Which brings me to my next point.
Learn to value your time.
I mean, really value it, not just in terms of what you can and cannot do. But in terms of what it costs for someone like you to do thing A instead of doing thing B. Let me explain…
If you’re making $75,000 a year net, and you take that $75K a year, and actually divide it into 52 weeks of work, you get $1,442 and change a week. Then you go a step further, and divide this by 40 hours of work, and get about $36 and change a week. So literally, that’s how much an hour of your work is worth, if you were to pay yourself…And I’m not including how much it cost for you to get that college education (hello student loans)…
via GIPHY
Now I ain’t trying to take us back to basic maths (don’t nobody wanna go back that far or deep or wide for that matter), but think about it. If you were to pay yourself $36 an hour to clean your house, how much more beneficial to you would it be to pay someone $10 or $15 an hour to do the same? Actually, they might do it better and faster, just for the sheer reason they wouldn’t be checking their Instagram every other minute and texting with the girls every so often…Just sayin’…
If you look at your time with the perspective of how much value it has, then you’re able to gain a new perspective. Not to mention forgive yourself for not doing it all…
Leverage the time and money you save.
If you had 5 hours to spend whichever way you’d like, what is the best thing you’d do for yourself? Is it read a book, enroll in a new class, go to the spa, or spend time with the people you love? Whatever your answer to this question, it brings us back to how we can best leverage our time and money. Especially our time, which as age (what’s that?) creeps up and you start realizing there’s not as much time left as before, becomes our most precious commodity…
Think of the time and money you could save by enlisting some help, even if you have to pay for it. And think about what you could actually produce with this time, in terms of precious memories, new ventures, exciting opportunities, etc…
You could write that great novel, take the kids to visit family you haven’t seen in a while, or just take a bath alone for like, a half hour, by yourself…You could build that business you’ve been talking about, or find time to meditate, or entertain that hobby that relaxes you so much you don’t feel the need to yell at the hubby so often (I know none of you do that)…Or you could just cry “Freedom”!
via GIPHY
In Conclusion
It took some time to adjust my mindset from a production-based frame to a value-based one. And to understand that what’s important to me may not be as important to someone else, but that at the end of the day, it’s my responsibility to live my life to the fullest, and enjoy every bit of time I have while I’m still breathing (and avoiding wrinkles and ashy elbows in the process)…
On this note, dear Weekend Shift, you are officially fired. Dear Weekend, welcome back into my life!
Have you reclaimed your weekends yet?
Love,
The Corporate Sis.
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by Solange Lopes | Sep 18, 2016 | Working Mom & Woman Tips
I was finally able to shed my working mom, “go-to-bed at 9pm sharp” second skin to watch the Emmys this year. And boy was it worth it… In-between laughing at Jimmy Kimmel’s Trump jokes and distribution of peanut-better-and-jelly-sandwiches, and gasping for air at how very pregnant Kerry Washington got that non-pregnancy dress “handled” on the red carpet, I didn’t need the hubby’s usual elbow kicks to stay up…
At least long enough to have my very own “working-mom- staying-way-past-her-bedtime’s” very own Emmys highlights:
But really, before I even start rambling, how can Jimmy Kimmel keep a straight face?
Like, really, how? How do you walk around an entire room of celebrities, passing out juice boxes and PB&J sandwiches, and openly blame one of “The Apprentice” creators, Mark Burnett, for putting Trump on the TV map, without at least blushing? Beyond me…
Could Kerry Washington have handled it any better?
I mean, all of it, including the impeccable hair, the flawless complexion, and that impeccable belly perfectly fitted into that non-pregnancy dress I couldn’t even wear not being pregnant (minus the last annoying resilient five pounds from each pregnancy). Although I’m mourning the temporary absence of Scandal this season, that dress and adorable non-preggers look has me forgetting and forgiving…
Regina King won. And I just want to be her when I grow up…
Watching Regina King go up the stairs to the Emmys stage in that vision of a red gown, plus the happily stunned look on her face, priceless. She won best supporting actress in a limited series or movie for “American Crime“. So very proud to see a Black woman win, twice in a row, and spread some hopeful glitter for women everywhere…
Julia Louis-Dreyfus made me laugh and smile all at once…
Despite losing her dad two days before, Julia Louis-Dreyfus still managed to accept her seventh Emmy award (this one for outstanding lead actress in a comedy series) while making us laugh. As she apologized for the current political climate, she confirmed that the political satire show Veep (for which she received this Emmy) is actually more of a “sobering documentary” than the current politics we’re witnessing…
C0urtney B. Vance’s Emmys Love Letter raised a whole new bar for hubbies everywhere.
Unless you’re going to call me the “woman who rocks your chain” at the next Emmys, you’re in for a whole lot of shoes and purses…Just sayin’…So Courtney B. Vance, husbands everywhere are officially in serious trouble because of you…
Viola Davis and Julius Tennon take pink to a whole ‘nother level…
Victoria’s Secret PINK models ain’t got nothing on one of my fave actresses (and the first African-American actress to win the Emmy’s Best Lead Actress) and fellow Rhode Islander, Viola Davis and her hubby Julius Tennon. That pink bow-tie on Julius perfectly complemented Viola’s stunning dress. It takes a strong man to rock a pink bow-tie, and if Viola Davis were at your arm, wouldn’t you? But it’s all good, we’re all getting ready for How to Get Away with Murder next week anyhow…
Protect Leslie Jones, people!
Ghostbusters star Leslie Jones had me half-laughing, half-nodding, as she joked about her Twitter account hack. She went on stage with the accountants, and urged them to drop the protection of Emmy secrets, in favor of her own Twitter account which got hacked earlier this year. In between laughs, we’re reminded that Leslie Jones is not just a talented and hilarious actress, but also a beautiful sister…
And last but not least, where is Maggie Smith?
If anyone sees Downton Abbey‘s Maggie Smith, please tell her to retrieve her Emmy in the Emmys’ Lost & Found. In his opening monologue, Jimmy Kimmel threatened the perennial winner with taking back all her awards if she doesn’t personally show up to get them. So no surprise there when he came in person to grab her Emmy this year and send her a specific message to report to the Emmys’ Lost & Found…
It’s been real, but this working mom’s got to limit this late-night damage. Neither my kids nor my day job will be very forgiving in the morning…I hope by next year Emmys, there will be coffee strong enough to keep me going…
Love,
The Corporate Sis.
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So you’re working from the comfort of your home, in your PJ’s, sipping on your hot cup of cocoa while dropping some nuggets of professional wisdom on your laptop….All is well, you don’t have to wear pants, comb your ‘fro, or look human for that matter, and you can still get your work done without the office buzz and constant interrupting.
