Kate Spade Leather satchel – Photo credit: nordstrom.com
Every now and then, you’ll see “the” bag, with the right mix of elegance, practicality and “je-ne-sais-quoi”, that you can take anywhere and never looks out of place…Like today’s pick, this Kate Spade New York Cedar Street Hayden bag from Nordstrom.
Love the sleek, structured silhouette of this sophisticated, but still practical bag. The neutral colors make it a perfect fit with any outfit, casual or more sophisticated. This bag is $358 at Nordstrom.
I’m terrible at finding my way around places. Even with the most elaborate of GPS, I still manage to take the wrong turn, end up in the wrong state, or the right shoe store. Most of us have experienced that moment when you start asking yourself where you went wrong. Like when you pick a career or job and wake up one morning wondering if you missed a professional turn, and how to go back and fix it. And because we are not naturally good at knowing right off the bat what we’ll enjoy and what we’ll hate, we end up trying different directions. The problem is, when we land at the wrong destination (or shoe store), we tend to call it failure, get stuck there, and spend all our money, time, and hope.
The more we try to overcome this sense of failure, the deeper we sink, and the worse off the choices we make. And the bigger our tendency to pick the wrong jobs, then to frantically try to escape them, just so we can go on and pick another wrong job all over again.
These are a few ways to trick your mind into cutting to the chase and stop picking the wrong job (or shoe for that matter):
1. It was never about the job! Stop thinking it’s about the right job, the right career, or the right brand of GPS (I bought the best out there, and still got miserably lost). There’s no right career path, and you can always find a better shoe out there. It’s about you, who you are, what you believe in, and how much you want what you want. Until you have clarity as to that stuff, you’ll be stuck, even if you look successful where you’re stuck.
2. Never buy at the first offer! In my home country of Senegal, purchasing anything without haggling is a capital sin. Most likely, even the nicest of sellers is trying to con you! If the item’s really worth 50CFA, they’ll start quoting prices at 100CFA. They use what scientists call “anchoring”, or the human tendency to make decisions based on the first piece of information received.
So next time you get ready to pick a job, take a detour into any West African market. You’ll probably get an overpriced item, and a lifelong lesson to make up for it.
3. Get the real deal! Some random guy once tried to sell me a contraband bag in Chinatown. He followed me for a whole hour, asking me if I wanted a Chanel bag. Of course I want a Chanel bag, who doesn’t want a Chanel bag? Out of curiosity, I followed him to some back alley, down some random, dark basement with dirty walls littered with fake Chanel bags. And I mumbled thanks and ran out, because I wanted a Chanel bag, but not one from a dark, scary basement with dirty walls…
It’s the same with wrong jobs. They look like the real deal, they may even feel like the real deal. Yet you’ve gotta get down to the basement, and check them out first. You’ve got to ask the right questions, get the real job description, and take a good look at your surroundings. Get your Chanel right!
Happy Easter week! As we prepare Easter, I’m drawn to floral prints and elegant, eye-catching dresses, like this Tahari pick from Nordstrom. Loving the soft bloom pattern, and the slimming black piping on this flattering dress. It’s $128 at Nordstrom!
I’d pair this beautiful dress with this elegant pair of Ivanka Trump “Carra” pumps, also from Nordstrom!
One semester somewhere between middle school and my umpteenth serious acne crisis, my Chemistry teacher, this larger-than-life (literally) heavy-framed, smart beyond limits, lady, gave me my first failing grade ever on a major test. Ever. I was flabbergasted, shocked, in absolute disbelief. At 12 years old and four feet something, I was already failure-adverse. And it would take me decades to get over it…
Whether they admit it or not, most people are scared shitless of failing. Hence the whole concept of “faking it ’til you make it”. We’re afraid of messing up, picking our faces off the floor, all the while looking like total idiots, and moving on like nothing ever happened. So we try to perform better, work late nights, network more, get more degrees and certifications, and dress for the job we want. All that so we don’t look like we’re scared shitless of failing…until the day we fail again, and we have to do it all over. It sounds exhausting, because it is…
Truth is, most people are scared shitless of failing…
There are tons of lessons out there about failure, especially career failure. Some say it’s good for your career, others provide tips and tricks to overcome your fear of failure and make it big! Speak up, lean in, do the superhero pose, don’t talk too much, find your bliss, lay down, get up, start running…And the more we talk about it, the more scared we get. It’s like telling yourself you’re not going to trip over yourself so much you forget to tie your shoe laces…You’re going to be scared nonetheless, so you might as well ditch all the prep work and just do it:
1. Stop being attached to the outcome! it took me years to pass my CPA because all I wanted really was the piece of paper and the designation. As long as I didn’t strive for the process itself, I kept failing, and miserably so. One day I decided I was going to do it, whether it worked out or not…and it worked out! That’s the thing about desires, if you just want the end, you tend to stay stuck at the beginning. And that sucks!
2. Focus on the gains, not the losses! Why do you think you’re more taxed on your gains than your losses in business? Well, sometimes the obvious doesn’t hit us until we’re laying face down in our own mess. You cain’t fail if you’ve gained experience, wisdom, knowledge, and this tricky thing called perspective. You can mess up, yes, but as long as you’ve got something to take home with you, that ain’t failure!
3. It’s never black-and-white: Bad leaders will tell you there are only yes or no answers (that’s why they are bad leaders). It’s never black and white, not even when you’re dealing with different coffee roasts. The problem with the very concept of failure is that it’s definitive, it’s black-and-white and boring! It doesn’t leave you with anything but a large surface sting to deal with, and you don’t want that. You want to be able to learn something so you can pick your face up off the floor and keep moving. And if, when you find a leader who can tell you that, stick with them…
4. Enjoy the process! I know, the whole cliche of “it’s not the destination, it’s the journey” is pretty old. But it works. And so does Vaseline on chapped lips, it’s cheap, old as all hell, but it works. And when it works, even if it’s not fancy, or New Age, or 100% certified organic, you keep it somewhere in your back pocket. Enjoy the work, learn something, ask a question! If you think you can’t enjoy it, at least enjoy your paycheck, be grateful you can pay rent, and thank the Lord the reason you hate this job is so you can work out the guts to go do something you really enjoy…And get ready, because you will also have some pretty sucky days at that job you really love…
The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill is entered in the Library of Congress- Photo: rolling stone.com
Happy Sunday! Ours was a relaxing and easy week-end on this side of the blogosphere, plus or minus some loud kids’ (apparently mine) screaming and object destructions here and there…As we’re tentatively trying to sip on our coffees with a semblance of calm and quiet, here are the news we’re reading and re-reading, and gossiping about at the (late) lunch table:
Other women are speaking up too, this time against the outlawing of abortion. ThinkProgress reports Ohio State Rep Teresa Fedor revealed on the legislative floor she had been assaulted, raped and had had an abortion (and oh do we respect her for the courage to stand up and speak her truth);
And as we’re refreshing our expectations and ideas about everything, Fortune confirms, unlike thought by most, an Ivy League education is not the only ticket to education;
In other hopeful, breakthrough news, Time Money reveals a new proposal could get your employer to pay your student loans;
In the same spirit, Black Enterprise celebrates President Obama’s announcement to pledge $240M to STEM, while the Huffington Post reports the President urges young scientists to keep asking why;
Mashable writes about a new witty web series about the everyday modern lives of modern black women (and it’s captivating…);
The work world is changing! Inc. illustrates 3 major workplace shifts we need to be aware of;
In somewhat unsettling fashion news, Fortune writes about GAP possibly implementing clothing vending machines (where are we going?);
Mashable Business presents us with the paradox of the week: while Google’s CFO left to achieve work-life balance, it hired the most powerful woman on Wall Street as his replacement, supposedly a workaholic. As for us, we’re just happy a woman is up there;
In other paradoxical (not to use other less politically correct terms) news, Forbes reveals even though female nurses outnumber their male counterparts 10 to 1, they still earn a lot less:
Worried about your productivity? Payscale writes it’s all about colors. Hope you’re having a blue kind of day today;
If you were ever doubtful about the effect of gender parity in management, CBC confirms it definitely boosts corporate profits (ka-ching!);
