Working women’s value in the workplace and in society has been undervalued for the longest time. Unpaid carealone, accounts for $10.8 trillion per year, despite women not being paid for any of it. The gender wage gap, or the difference between men’s and women’s earnings, amounts to 82 cents for women of all races for every $1 earned by men of all races, according to the 2018 Census Bureau. With all this daunting under-valuation, defining and asserting one’s worth as a working woman can constitute quite the challenge…
Being valuable is one thing. Defining and asserting one’s value, especially as a working woman accustomed to being under-valued, is another. How do you define what you bring to the table of your career, business and life effectively? How do you assert your worth professionally and personally? And what does it take to not shrink in fear of judgment when doing so? These may sound like simple questions; yet for working women, they embody generations and layers of self-doubt, lack of confidence and gender inequity.
Start with YOU
It all starts with you! This is where self-awareness plays a crucial role. Being in touch with who you are, nurturing your self-esteem and self-worth is at the heart of being able to assert your value as a working woman.
This goes further than the usual weekly mani-pedi and self-care. It’s about taking the time to connect with oneself, whether through silence, meditation, therapy or another technique, to develop a stronger sense of self. The more aware you are of yourself, the easier it is to understand what you bring to the table in the different areas of your life.
What is your WHY: The Purpose Question
The biggest reward we get from our work and life in general is from the alignment of WHAT we do with WHY we do it. The more connected and aligned we are with our purpose, the stronger our impact, the more solid our value, and the more fulfilled we tend to be.
What do you want to be known for? How do you want to be seen? How is what you’re doing aligned with your purpose?
Define your value
Developing self-awareness and understanding your WHY are the stepping stones to effectively defining your value. If you don’t know what you’re bringing to the negotiation table, you may end up going for whatever is offered to you and short-selling yourself. Adding some research to this, especially when you’re negotiating a salary or business investment, goes a long way in providing you with an edge as well.
What makes you unique? Your real value is in what makes you YOU. What are you good? What have your wins been historically? What makes you indispensable?
Set firm boundaries
Boundaries create value. When you set firm boundaries on your time, money, energy, and even expertise, you’re sending the message: “I have value, and I’m not willing to squander it unnecessarily.”
This also means saying yes for the right reasons and saying no when necessary.
How do you define and assert your value as a working woman?
Working from the same home you live in can easily blur the lines between work and life, especially as a working mom. While there are many arguments in favor of working from home, moving from your home life to your work life inside the home can actually constitute more a burden than a relief. This is why it’s so crucial for working moms, especially during this coronavirus pandemic, to set boundaries when working from home.
For working moms, working from home is not just about performing professional activities from the home. The reality is that it’s about compiling the already heavy burden of unpaid care to that of professional obligations, in the same environment and within the same time and space constraints. According to a report byOxfam,women and girls’ unpaid care is worth a whopping $10.8 trillion per year, which is the equivalent of three times the benefit of the technology industry. In the United States, women spend 37% more of their time on unpaid care work than men, according to this report by the Institute for Women’s Policy research. Globally, not one country is on target to achieve gender equality, and the biggest impact is felt by women.
At a time when working from home is becoming the new normal, it also threatens to perpetuate gender inequities from the office into the home. From a non-gender perspective, its impact on mental health on individuals in general, and on working moms in particular, can also be quite detrimental. This is the reason why it is so important for working women and moms to set firm boundaries when working remotely. Here are a few tips to get started:
Have an honest conversation with yourself
Setting boundaries starts with an honest process of self-introspection. Very often, especially as working moms, it can be excruciatingly hard to decide on which boundaries to set, let alone implement them effectively. I know for me, taking some time out to clearly think about what I need most, and what boundaries I would need to put in place is a must.
What is important to you in this season? What is preventing you from devoting the time, space and energy to your priorities? What boundaries can you set in place to allow yourself to be and do more of what matters to you?
Have honest conversations with others
The second step is to have honest conversations with others. By others, I mean those who are closest to you, and exert the most influence on your schedule and life in general. These would be your family members, your colleagues and managers. Communicating your needs and clarifying expectations coming from them can go a long way towards establishing mutually agreeable boundaries.
Can you honestly set some time to communicate to your spouse and children what you need in this season? Can you also set some time to discuss your needs and expectations with your work team and managers, and also hear about theirs?
Create a communication code with kids
When working with kids, setting firm and clear boundaries can seem impossible to achieve. It’s one thing to tell the kids to keep out of your room while you’re having yet another Zoom meeting. It’s another to physically prevent them from barging into your home office asking for their butts to be wiped (this literally happened on one of my Zoom calls). This is where creating a communication code with kids comes in handy. It may be through physical or handwritten signs, or by agreeing on a given schedule. I set up a calendar with my kids and spouse so we can all know which times are “untouchable” for each one of us.
What communication code will you set up with your kids so yours and their needs can be met in a more efficient way?
Protect your time and space
As a working mom, you may feel like when it comes to your time and space, it’s all fair game (at least until everyone goes to bed and you can finally breathe and binge on your favorite shows). Yet, it doesn’t have to be this way. Protecting your time and space is not only possible but it’s necessary when working from home. It’s also not selfish, but actually one of the best gifts you can offer your family when working remotely. By protecting your time and space, you are freer, both physically and mentally, to be more present outside of work because you’re not trying to do it all at once.
This may mean setting a separated workspace for you, even if that means a small corner of your bedroom. It may also mean setting a firm yet flexible schedule that includes a healthy morning routine (including some self-care and prepping for the day), and setting a strict time to put your pencil down and transition back to home life.
Be flexible
Working moms know all too well that a plan is not a plan unless it includes some level of flexibility. Things happen, juice gets spilled, kids scrape their knees, and life hardly ever proceeds as planned, especially between our four walls at home. This also means being flexible when setting firm yet malleable boundaries. For me, it’s a matter of remembering that nothing will be perfect, and building a buffer in my schedule (especially considering my notorious tendencies for lateness).
All in all, working from home can be much more challenging than it looks. While it may offer some advantages such as instance childcare, or economic and time savings to some extent, it also presents a host of difficulties for working moms now saddled with both unpaid and paid labor. Setting firm yet flexible boundaries can help in this process.
How are you setting boundaries when working from home as a working mom?
Dear Working Mom is our weekly love letter to working moms everywhere, where we talk about motherhood, life, work and everything in between…
Dear Working Mom,
You’ve been pouring your all into being the best mom you can be since you became one. You’re still doing your absolute best, day in and day out, to be the best parent you can. And this despite the various personal, professional and social obstacles you may be facing, from juggling career and household responsibilities, to creating and maintaining a healthy and stable household for your entire family. You’ve been working at this parenting thing, not just in terms of managing every day’s life and work responsibilities, but also in terms of improving yourself. Except parenting was never meant to be a perfect science…
Along the way, you’ve faced uncertainty, even heartache, as you watch your children grow and become their own people. Your heart aches as you fear what could happen to them in this big, wide, often cruel world. You question yourself as you make each and every decision, wondering how it will affect them today, tomorrow and the days after. You deal with the overwhelming sense of guilt that comes with motherhood territory, wondering how, when, if you could do more…
As you wrestle with being your best self, taking space and going after or giving up on your ambitions, you may not be sure which path to take at times. You may be tempted to look around at what others are doing, worrying you may not measure up to the perfect mom baking sweet treats from scratch for the kids’ school fair, or the outstanding mother with the shiny career and efficient schedule, or the one with the impossibly organized home…
Truth is, parenting was never meant to be an exact science. There is no accurate, perfect recipe for growing and raising humans. There is only the will, dedication and commitment to do the best we can with what we have, right where we’re at. Sometimes your best may barely fit into your single mom’s budget, other times it may exceed it and you may have to get another job, fight for the promotion, or start the side hustle to make it work. Sometimes your best may be to let go of comparing yourself to others, release some unrealistic expectations, and be your own kind of mom. Sometimes your best may be to heal yourself, to seek therapy so you don’t pass on the same generational damages you’ve inherited yourself.
All the time, your best is what makes you no less, and no better than any other mother. Your best makes you the best mother for your child, even in the face of tough decisions and heart-wrenching choices you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy.
Because parenting was never meant to be an exact science, with perfect baking recipes and glossy Instagram pages. As a matter of fact, it was meant to be messy, imperfect, evolving, as anything founded in love, growth and purpose is meant to be.
So make the mistakes, enjoy the process, laugh at it, cry at it, throw yourself at it, feel good about it, don’t feel so good about it. But above all, allow it to make you and anyone else involved in this magical journey, better, stronger, fuller, of the very consciousness of Love and Life….
Welcome to Let It Be Friday!, where I say hello (and TGIF), and round up the lifestyle, career and business news that inspired, excited, made me smile (or laugh out loud).
Are you a woman entrepreneur? The Access Project is nonprofit, seed-stage startup accelerator for women-owned businesses to help you grow your business during this pandemic;
Working Mother celebrates the unique and beautiful ways C-Suite women of color have redefined executive presence;
How adaptable are you? The Corporate Sister list 3 ways to increase your Adaptability Quotient (AQ) during this crisis;
In a move that may be followed by many a company, Black Enterprise reports Twitter is allowing employees to work from home forever;
Business Insider lists the mental health problems caused by quarantine, and what you can do to prevent them;
Looking for a money savings challenge? Making Sense of Cents offers a 52-week money challenge you can’t pass up;
Looking for new reads? The New York Times lists 10 new book recommendations this week;
Looking for yummy salad recipes to add to your Spring list? Serious Eats lists 18 Spring salads to wave winter buh-bye;
Worried about food shopping during this pandemic? Refinery 29 suggests super-fresh sites that deliver fruits and veggies to your doorstep;
Safe at home? All the Pretty Birds has some fun and effective DIY beauty products and remedies to try at home.
In today’s ever-evolving world and workplace, and in the face of crisis such as the COVID-19 pandemic, being flexible and adaptable has become a necessity. It also happens to be one of the most important attributes of career success for working women. According to this Randstad study, 51% of women list adaptability and flexibility as key attributes to succeed in their careers, even ahead of teamwork (35%) and technology (37%).
There have been lots of talks about Intellectual Quotient (IQ) and Emotional Quotient (EQ), especially in the realm of professional success. However, much less has been discussed about Adaptability Quotient (AQ). According to this 2004 study published in the Institute of Health Records and Information Management (IHRIM)journal, AQ constitutes a “statistically significant predictor of business transformation success”, as derived from the study of 15 global corporations going through strategic change. Business growth company Advantage defines AQ in the business sense as “ the ability to adjust course, product, service, and strategy in response to unanticipated changes in the market”.
In simpler words, AQ measures one’s ability to adapt to change. In reality, this is nothing new. Humans have survived for millions of years because of our very capacity to adapt to constant climate change, as quoted in this article of Scientific American. In his global best-seller Sapiens A Brief History of Humankind, renowned historian and author Yuval Noah Harari describes the stories of humankind’s conquest of the world by thriving, surviving and adapting to changing conditions. At a gender level, Melinda Coetzee and Nisha Harris’ 2008 study of call center agents published in the South African Journal of Psychology demonstrates that females display higher levels of career adaptability than males. A more recent study exploring gender and personality traits as predictors of entrepreneurs’ cognitive adaptability also concludes significant differences exist between males and females.
As working women, we’re certainly gifted with unique adaptability skills. In order to continue turning these into competitive advantages for ourselves, as well as our personal and professional organizations, it’s important that we focus on a few principles:
Opportunity is everywhere
I once worked for a Senior Manager who had this inscription on her desk: OPPORTUNITYISNOWHERE. When I started working in her team, she asked me to read it aloud. Instead of seeing “Opportunity is now here”, I read “Opportunity is nowhere”. At the time, my mindset was reflected in what I was seeing in this seemingly innocuous inscription. Instead of seeing opportunity everywhere, I was tempted to dismiss it. So are many among us…
Developing adaptability is also a matter of seeing opportunity everywhere, especially in the places where there seems to be none. It’s seeing opportunity in the layoff, the job loss, the relationship breakdown, the economic downturn. Are you seeing opportunity in your current circumstances?
Curiosity does not kill the cat, it makes you more adaptable!
Remember the proverb: “Curiosity killed the cat”? Used to warn against the danger of experimentation, it’s also reflective of many a damaging mindset. As working women, we’re warned against overstepping the social boundaries restricting us away from areas, professions and even attitudes traditionally reserved for men. Little girls are admonished against stepping away from feminine territory…
When it comes to being adaptable, curiosity does not kill the cat. What it does kills are false, sexist, stereotypes, slow progress and lack of innovation. Curiosity creates innovation, enhances resourcefulness and engenders progress. Sounds like a win to me!
The BIG picture is the BEST picture
Adaptability requires being able to see the big picture, the entire forest as opposed to just a few trees. It is the best picture from which to create a context in which adaptability becomes a key advantage.
This is also the picture from which we can create systems allowing us to navigate complex and difficult realities, such as systems to tackle working motherhood effectively, or systems to move over glass ceilings and brick walls at work.
Now more than ever, working women must leverage and continue to develop their AQ to face and improve the ever-changing landscape of work and life we find ourselves in. Now more than ever, organizations everywhere and society at large must learn to empower working women to create the change needed to not just survive, but also thrive trough adaptability to times of change.
