by Solange Lopes | Jun 1, 2018 | Career
All across social media and everywhere around us, all we tend to see these days is: “Be real, be yourself, be authentic!” If you ask me, authenticity is one of the biggest marketing selling points nowadays. As working women, we are encouraged, more than ever before, to sit at the table and bring all of ourselves to the global conversation of work, business and life.
Yet, I find it interesting that in the same vein, we’re still very much expected to conform to societal expectations when it comes to how we work, how we dress, and how we present ourselves to the world. Let’s think about it for a minute. It’s still not okay to breast-feed in public, and neither is it to dress a certain way in certain environments, or to be paid the same wages as our male counterparts for that matter. Office politics still implicitly require us to behave in a certain manner, all the while being subjected to glass ceilings and concrete walls of all kinds. The entrepreneurial world still won’t give us the benefit of the doubt when it comes to funding resources or establishing general business credibility.
The truth is, authenticity is a struggle for many, if not most, working women. This is not just about being real, which if you ask me is nothing more than a pathetic excuse for many not to be held accountable for their conduct. Women have been conditioned by society for so long, that many have had to un-learn inaccurate beliefs and perceptions about ourselves. Think about all the little girls who are given stereotypical definitions of what beauty means from a very young age on. Think about those imprisoned in boxes of conformity and expectations, from when it is proper to get married to how many children they should have, what work-life balance really means, to whether they can even really handle having a career and raising kids.
So how do we manage to be more authentic at work and in life especially as working women? And can we really do so without endangering our already precarious careers and businesses, not to mention our entire lives? Despite the many challenges you may face in expressing our authenticity as a working woman, it is still possible to beat the fear of being your own woman. Some of it involves un-learning many of the expectations and false messages sent your way, but it is possible.
In my own experience as well as through the stories of many working women I havedirectly and indirectly known, I have found that white authenticity is a struggle for working women especially at work, there are steps that can be taken towards it:
Acknowledge the areas in your work or in your life in which you are not your most authentic self.
At work, it may be with certain people, in certain settings or environments, or when you are exposed to certain situations. It may also be an all-encompassing attitude you may have adopted all across your career or business. In your personal life it may occur in certain relationships, circles or settings.
Take a step back and assess those areas where you may not be at ease enough to bring all that you are to the table. When I did this, I realized certain settings and environments challenged me because of the fear I felt of not being adequate enough. As a result of my fear of being judged, especially in high-performing professional and business environments, I refrained from opening myself up and sharing some aspects of my personality. Especially as a woman of color, certain cultural aspects of my experience would remain untold. I would not share much for instance about my cultural background, the way I like to wear my hair in a puffy ‘fro, or the traditional foods I enjoyed the most. This in turn I admit, did not help me build more powerful connections and relationships.
In the same way you may have refrained from sharing parts of your personality or your experience for fear you would be judged or disqualified based on this. This is not so much due to dishonesty or lack of ingenuity, or being “fake”. It is simply because especially as working women, we’ve been so much conditioned to conform to certain societal, personal and professional expectations that it ends up being challenging for us to open ourselves up and share more of who we are and what we can do.
I once interviewed a great lawyer who happened to be a woman of color like myself. When I asked her about the best piece of advice she could give fellow women like her, she replied that she would advise them to bring all of who they are to work. According to her, if they couldn’t be themselves at work, then they wouldn’t be as successful as they could be. Her nugget of advice made me think long and hard about our need to be authentic, but also about the challenges that are in our way when we try to do so. Many women of color have faced discrimination and disapproval when wearing their hair natural at work, for instance. This is in addition to other forms of discrimination. Depending on the setting or environment, we’re also expected to act in certain ways in order to be rewarded with career advancement or business success. Yet, as challenging as it can be, not being our most authentic self will ultimately deprive us of the real success we deserve.
Identify the beliefs you have about yourself that make you less authentic in certain areas of your work or life.
Despite the barriers and obstacles placed in our way which keep us from sometimes being our most authentic self, there are barriers within us that should be addressed first. These are the beliefs about ourselves which were planted in us by well-meaning friends and family members we may have grown up with, or that we may have derived from certain situations and circumstances. Identifying these these beliefs could make you understand why you refrain from showing up as your most authentic self in certain situations or settings.
Some of the sources of these these beliefs are rooted as far back as childhood, and as close as the daily interactions we have. What do you believe about yourself that prevents you from sharing more of who you are? What are the sources of your feelings of inadequacy that make you hide part of your personality and abilities? For some, we may believe that we are inadequate because a parent or a family member or even a friend conveyed this message to us in one form or another. For others, it may be because we believe that we have to conform to a certain image in order to be successful. Identifying these damaging beliefs in ourselves also helps pinpoint their sources, so we can let go of them and adopt a more positive attitude.
Sharing is caring!
The best way to cultivate authenticity in our working life is to share more of who we are. Most people are not inauthentic out of a desire to be dishonest. Many simply lack the room, space and opportunity to bring all that they are to the table.
While all the doors and tables may not be open to us just yet, and although progress is certainly being made, we can begin this process by opening up more. In a previous article, I shared why as women of color especially we need to tell more of our stories. When we don’t bring all of who are to the table, and fail to tell our stories, we deprive the world of an important source of wealth, information, motivation, inspiration and strength to move forward. In my own experience, I have found that every time I was willing to be more vulnerable and share my experiences, mistakes and story, it would open the door for more powerful connections. There will certainly be instances in which your authenticity and genuineness will not be well-received. However, it will always be worth it to present yourself exactly as you are and identify early on whether a certain environment, relationship or opportunity is the right fit for you, rather than incurring the weight of falsely placed expectations.
Commit to standing courageously in your own truth.
While the process starts with sharing a little more of who you are and of your personal and professional story, it continues with a deep personal commitment to consistently stand in our own truth. This may require us getting outside of our comfort zone and facing situations in which we’re not always at an advantage. It may also require showing up in all of our difference, being “the only one in the room“, and braving negative stereotypes and preconceptions. Yet, what it will do is not only free you to be your most authentic self, but it will also open doors of opportunity that only your true self can walk through. Additionally, it will offer others the priceless gift of knowing that they too can show up exactly as they are despite the obstacles and challenges in their way.
All in all, being our most authentic selves at work and in life is not always as easy as it seems to be. Depending on the environment, the circumstances and the relationships at play, it may feel more comfortable to only present the parts of our personality or stories that are most comfortable for us. However, there are ways to cultivate our unique individual authenticity as working women in and outside of the workplace, while also empowering others.
Now your turn, how have you managed to become your more authentic self at work and in life?
To your success,
The Corporate Sister.
by Solange Lopes | May 30, 2018 | Start Your Business
You’ve heard it before: Entrepreneurship is not for the faint of heart. Whether you’re starting or running a side hustle, or involved full-time in your business, the process of becoming an entrepreneur is far from easy. I know it certainly wasn’t for me. When I started blogging while still working in the corporate world, I initially thought of it as a hobby. I started multiple blogs, freelanced as a copywriter and accountant, yet it took me a while to see myself as an entrepreneur and grasp what it really was about.
Despite all the buzz around entrepreneurship, not enough is being said about how challenging it truly is. The well-curated Instagram images and picture-perfect headshots of #bosses fail to describe the reality of it, and as such, fail to warn a generation of hopeful yet un-prepared entrepreneurs-to-be.
I admit to falling victim of this myself. Between all the #girlboss hashtags and the motivational posts more filled with fluff than reality, it’s easy to under-estimate the mountain that the entrepreneurial journey really is. There are so many things that very few are willing to admit about this journey. Many will tell you that yes, it is hard and uncomfortable, that it may even bring you to your knees. Yet, most will keep that part of it secret, making it instead seem like the overnight success phenomenon is real and reserved to only a lucky few.
Here’s the thing. As you may already have suspected, there is no overnight success, as most breakthroughs, especially in business, take at least a decade. Here’s another thing: there are tools you can use and re-use as you climb this huge mountain called entrepreneurship. And no, these tools are not reserved to a lucky few, but are accessible to each and everyone of us, granted you are committed to do the work.
From my own experience and speaking to many first-time entrepreneurs, here are a few tools to deal with your first few months as an entrepreneur:
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Cultivate mental strength
Entrepreneurship, as I found out, is first and foremost a mental game. It’s more about your mindset than your stamina and how hard you can work. Working for yourself also means keeping yourself accountable day in and day out, and not relying on a boss or co-workers to steer you in the right direction. This in turn can play serious mind games with you, as you may struggle with self-discipline and lack of gratification at first.
One of the biggest mistakes I made was to think that working hard on the outside would make up for the inner work that needed to happen on the inside. I’ve learnt that the opposite is true. You must prepare mentally first, and sharpen your mindset before even throwing yourself in the work. This means taking the time to attend to your own mental health, through practices like meditation, quiet, exercise, prayer and other personal ways to maintain your mental balance.
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Organize yourself
As a new entrepreneur, one of the first shocks you will experience to your system has everything to do with organization. If you’ve transitioned from the corporate world to being in business for yourself, you’ll be amazed at how challenging it can be to organize yourself now that all your work revolves around you.
In the beginning stages of entrepreneurship, it may be challenging to hire or outsource some assistance. You will be the administrative person, as well as the strategist, writer, and tech support. Both big and small tasks will crowd your schedule, threatening to make you totally unproductive most days.
The trick here is to prioritize your tasks in terms of what is most important (see below tip#6). It’s also a matter of keeping a strict account of your activities and being ruthless with what and who you allow in your schedule.
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Guard your time
As a new entrepreneur, time is your most precious commodity. There are so many things to attend to in your business that you will need every second you can get. In addition, there will be many more time-wasters than you’ve ever experienced. From people who just want to grab a coffee and pick your brain, to technical snafus in the middle of the day, interruptions are par for the course.
You will also be tempted to lump in as much as possible into your daily schedule, forgetting that there are only so many hours in the day, and yes, you are only a human being. As you step into entrepreneurship, remember to keep a ruthless watch about how you spend your time and what this time is really translating into. If your time is not creating opportunities or revenue, whether in tangible form (money) or learning, then you must re-evaluate.
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Build a strategy
You can’t do everything, and everything doesn’t belong in your business. This also means that you must devise and be clear about a strategy to follow, especially in your first few months as an entrepreneur. Don’t get me wrong, strategies can change, and it can take a long time to refine and finalize your ultimate business model.
However, you can begin to trace the outline of a strategy to follow in order to be clearer about what you must do, and what you need to leave alone. As a “writerpreneur”, content is key to me, and is at the center of my strategy. Whether I blog or consult, it’s built around content. In the same way, you must identify your strategy’s pillar(s) and build around it, so you’re not tempted to be all over the place at all times.
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Fail fast and fail forward
Let me say it as gently as I can: “You will fail as a new entrepreneur.” It’s simply par for the course. Whereas most see failure as a sad occurrence to delete from their memories, it is actually, especially in entrepreneurship, a blessing. That is, if you can leverage it by failing fast and failing forward.
I used to be scared of launching new initiatives and products for fear they would fail. What I’ve learnt is that if you don’t allow for failure, you don’t learn. If you don’t learn, you don’t progress. As you start your entrepreneurial journey, don’t be afraid to try things and fail at them. Create the blog, start the podcast, write the book, do what you are inclined to do as an entrepreneur. If your first product doesn’t make you uncomfortable, you’ve waited too long. Go ahead and try, fail, learn and try again.
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Think in terms of impact
If there is a BIG lesson I’ve learnt in entrepreneurship, it’s to think in terms of impact. Not in terms of money, or even results, but impact. How will your business impact people? How will it impact your bottom line? How will it make a difference in your life and that of others? This is the big picture.
On a day-to-day basis, ask yourself how your tasks impact your business in terms of profitability, reach and growth. Rank your to-do list by order of most to least impactful. This will help you in knowing what to devote more time to, and what to let go of. Ideally, focus on tasks that are making you MONEY, and growing your REACH. While at the beginning of your entrepreneurial journey, you may not be as monetarily profitable as you wish, you can still plant the seeds of monetization when you start thinking: “What should I do first to make my business more PROFITABLE and more GROWTH-ORIENTED?”
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Don’t isolate yourself
Entrepreneurship is a lonely journey. Despite all the networking events, the coffee dates, and all the social media buzz, it’s still very much an unconventional path in society. This also means that since the majority of people, and probably most people in your direct environment, are not entrepreneurs, you will experience a heightened degree of loneliness in your work. It’s hard to explain what it means to throw everything you are and everything you have into a concept and a vision that only you really understand, to people who may not get it.
However, you must fight this loneliness and refrain from isolating yourself. Join entrepreneurs’ associations, be willing to attend meetups, and keep networking with like-minded individuals. This doesn’t mean that you should shut yourself to the rest of the world. Keep your friends as friends, and work with those who get what you do. Don’t blame your direct environment for their lack of support, as it is often a lack of knowledge. It will keep you balanced and happier.
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Focus on the WHO and not the WHAT
As a new entrepreneur, you will be tempted to set ambitious goals and milestones for yourself. There is nothing wrong with this. As a matter of fact, you should keep setting the bar higher and higher for yourself and those you choose to surround yourself with.
However, getting fixated on certain accomplishments and objectives can deter from the real benefit of entrepreneurship. It’s not so much about what you strive to achieve, although that is certainly important; but it is about who you become in the process. You see, the goals you set should be so that you can grow into the person who can and is worthy of meeting and exceeding them. Without this understanding and foundation, your breakthrough and success may be short-lived and leave you unfulfilled and miserable. The last thing you want is to get to the top finally, only to have lack of character, discipline and integrity not keep you there.
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Stop blaming others for not supporting you
Many, if not most entrepreneurs, complain at some point or another of not being supported by friends and family. It is true that in many instances, those who are closest to us, can seem the most removed from us when it comes to supporting our entrepreneurial endeavors.
I’ve come to understand that everyone grows differently, and that your vision was given to you because it would make more sense to you than anyone else. I’ve also made peace with the fact that this growth process will also help uncover those who are no longer in alignment with who you are becoming. This is crucial as your environment can make or break your dreams.
In this sense, there is no point in blaming others for their lack of support. There is only the understanding that you are responsible for your own success, whatever your definition of it is. And that ultimately what others think about you is truly none of your business.
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Stop and breathe
Due to the lack of imposed time boundaries on entrepreneurship, it can be easy to overwork yourself, especially at the beginning of your journey. After all, there are no set hours or schedules. You are your own boss, and can work as long, or as little, as you’d like. The result is overworked, over-tired and inefficient entrepreneurs who end up burning out too soon.
I’ve learnt to take the time to stop and breathe, by designating a time out from work. Your schedule should include a start time, but also a stop time. Refrain from the temptation to work yourself to the ground and burn the candle at both ends. Yes, you may need to put in longer hours. What you don’t need to do is create a lifestyle that will destroy you rather than build you up. Remember, this is a marathon and not a sprint. You’re in it for the long run, and you’re in it to win it. It may take time, detours and pit stops, but you’re going to make it.
Now your turn: What have you learnt as a new entrepreneur?
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sister
by Solange Lopes | May 27, 2018 | Career
Welcome to our weekly career, entrepreneurship, lifestyle and fashion news roundup! Think of it as your online watercooler/work gossip station/coffee break spot for now…Want to add anything to our list? Email us at corporate@thecorporatesister.com!
To Your Success.
The Corporate Sister.
by Solange Lopes | May 25, 2018 | Career
You may have heard the saying: “Turn your wounds into wisdom”. Or that “your mess is your message”. When you hear these, or actually experience the wounds or go through the mess, you may not exactly see them as gifts. As a matter of fact, you may resent the obstacles and challenges you may be facing in your career, business or life in general, counting down days and hours until you no longer have to deal with them. It may be that you’re dealing with a challenging boss or toxic environment, or that your marriage is in shambles, or even that being a working mom is taking a toll on you.
There were (and still are) times in my life and work when I just could not seem to see the forest from the trees. Coming to the United States to complete my education, alone, with limited resources, and facing all sorts of odds, was one of these. So was dealing with toxic work environments as a woman of color, and learning to stay sane as a working mom. While I was going through these challenges, all I could think about was how unlucky I was, or ask myself why that was happening to me. It wouldn’t occur to me at the time that my struggles were actually a springboard to my greatest accomplishments.
Very often, while we’re in the midst of challenges, we don’t often see the point, or that there is any point at all for that matter. In the same way, when we face failures, we are quick to disqualify ourselves rather than use these as opportunities for growth. Instead of using the power of the accumulated lessons and insights we gain over time, we ignore them and keep repeating the same mistakes, slowly getting ourselves in an undeniable rut.
You may have made a career mistake that set you back temporarily, but now you’re shying away from using the lesson learnt to reach higher. You may have missed the promotion, but now are stuck in a rut rehashing what you perceive as a defeat rather than focusing on your goal. You may be overwhelmed as a working mom, yet not using the leverage you have to re-purpose the leadership and management skills you’re naturally using at home in your career. Basically, you may just be wasting the incredible power of the struggles in your work and life to propel you closer to your objectives and help you maximize your potential.
As a CPA and auditor by trade, I’ve learnt that every client, engagement and project builds upon the previous. It’s a common practice for managers to leave their staff coaching notes aimed at helping them correct their mistakes. The mistakes many staff members make, which I also did make, is limit these coaching notes to a particular engagement or project, instead of using them as a foundation for the next one. The point is, each set of coaching notes is meant to help you better yourself, so you can re-purpose your mistakes into assets for your next project. What if this simple analogy can be applied to our entire careers, businesses and lives?
Struggles are not only inevitable, they are necessary. The toxic boss or work environment will happen at some point. So will the betrayal, the business failure, and career mishaps. They should happen, not so you can be punished though them, but so you, and all of us, can learn from them. The few who see them as learning opportunities are also those who make the most progress, and are able to exceed their goals and objectives, reaching the summit of the mountains of their potential and purpose.
I get it, it certainly stings at first. “I love failure”, said no one ever. It may take some time to lick your wounds, drown your sorrows in a pint of sea salt caramel ice cream, and come up gasping for air. Yet, there are ways you and I can learn to not just recover from these, but actually use them to succeed at work and in life:
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Acknowledge your struggles
The first step is to acknowledge you’re even struggling or have areas of improvement. I had to come to terms with some of the challenges and obstacles I faced in my work, whether through my corporate career or business, before I could overcome them. My ego would often get in the way of recognizing that I needed to develop in certain areas, which in turn prevented me from progressing and learning what I needed to.
What areas of your career, business or life in general are you struggling in? Where are you facing the most obstacles and challenges? What do you dread doing or working on the most?
To Do: Take some time out to identify those areas in which you’re facing difficulties. You can also ask people around you, especially managers and peers, for constructive criticism to help you improve your performance or habits.
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Focus on the WHO, not the WHAT
Repeat after me: You are not your mistakes or failures! Often, we focus on the WHAT, identifying with our struggles in a negative way. Before we know it, we have already determined that we’re not good writers, or that we have no skills at project management, or that our parenting skills are not up to par.
I’ve learnt that the process of growing through my struggles involves separating my WHO from my WHAT. The WHAT is the experience in itself, the mistake, the area of development, the mishap. The WHO is the more experienced, savvier, better person you are becoming by virtue of learning through the experience.
To Do: Ask yourself WHAT you are struggling at in your work or life. Now ask yourself WHO you have allowed yourself to become because of these struggles. Have they made you more unsure of yourself, more bitter and critical of your performance and others’? Or have they turned you into a more astute entrepreneur, a more strategic professional, more resourceful parent, etc? Ideally, the latter should guide you going forward.
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Create your own crisis strategy
One thing that is as sure as death and taxes, is that you’ll be faced with obstacles and challenges in your work and life journey. As you climb the mountains of your potential and purpose, in whatever area of life this may be, you will struggle here and there.
Part of using these challenges to succeed further at work and in life is to allow them to inform your future experiences. I’ve learnt to create my own, self-customized crisis strategy. Think of it as using the coaching notes I was referring to earlier. The combination of these coaching notes, or the lessons you have learnt from the mistakes made, and the refining of your own approach to the crisis that will inevitably happen can only set you up for success in the future.
To Do: Ask yourself what you have learnt from the struggles you’ve faced through a particular experience, project, or even relationship. Also, review how you’ve addressed these situations. How can you better respond to a similar, or even different, challenge in the future? How can you refine your approach in addressing it going forward, taking into account your unique personality and circumstances? As you go, this will be your personal crisis strategy. The good thing about it is, as much as it will empower you with the right tools to face upcoming obstacles, it will also keep getting better with time.
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Seek help when needed
One of the most important lessons that struggles allow us to get, in life and at work, is to seek help. Don’t shy away from benefiting from others’ assistance, guidance and mentorship as you face your own personal and professional storms. These challenges are actually presenting themselves so you can learn from others about the best ways handle them. The point, many others have been through these difficult times and learnt from it, so they can save you the time and energy to do so.
Building success in our careers and lives, whatever this definition of success may be for us, takes a village. So does raising a child, building a legacy, and doing work that matters. This is the reason why it’s important to allow yourself to rely on the right people as you overcome your own challenges, so you can let others rely on you when it’s time for them as well.
To Do: Seek the right mentors and guides in your career, business and/or life. The people you look up to have certainly gone through the same struggles you’re facing and come out on the other side. Learn from them. Seek out trusted peers and colleagues as well, in whom you can confide in and from whom you can get the support you need.
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Don’t forget to celebrate!
Every struggle you overcome is cause for celebration. While you may feel that you’ve barely made it, or that the sting of failure is still very much present, remember that it happened in order for you to grow through it.
To Do: Take the time to stop, and ponder on the difficulties you’ve faced, and how far you’ve come to get to where you are on the way to where you’re going. This will give you the strength, motivation and inspiration to keep pushing through your next mountain.
All in all, changing your perspective when it comes to facing obstacles and challenges in your work and life is crucial. Without this change in perspective, you may be stuck at the same level, in the same position, with the same weaknesses, missing out on opportunities to expand and attain your true potential. Every successful person has had to fail and struggle. Every CEO is hired and paid to handle complex obstacles and challenges. Every new level requires that you upgrade in order to deal with tougher odds. Yet, at the same time, it is those mountains you have to climb that are allowing you to reach the next level, and the next level, and the next level…
Are you using your struggles to succeed at work and in life?
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sister.
by Solange Lopes | May 24, 2018 | Working Mom & Woman Tips
May is Mental Health Awareness Month, and it’s got me thinking about how we, as working women, face mental health challenges at work and in life. As I did some research, I found out that according to the National Institute of Mental Health, there were over 44.7 million adults over the age of 18 suffering from a mental illness in the United States. Of these, 21.7% affected were women, as opposed to 14.5% being men.
Yet, women, especially working women, are among the least likely to admit their mental health struggles. So many of us are socialized to appear a certain way and play a given part, whether at work or in life. We’re expected to be the nice, caring, supportive ones, who take one (or many) for the team. Yet, we’re also supposed to be resilient, strong, and virtually unbreakable in the face of the many demands and pressures placed on us, whether professionally or personally. In other words, we’re expected to have it all together, and keep it that way. From the working mother who plans the perfect birthday party while managing to finish the audit report, to the mompreneur up until 2am while the kids are asleep, not to mention the stay-at-home mom juggling meals, laundry and soccer games, while still looking human.
In the midst of our unending to-do lists, un-folded laundry and big projects, it can be easy to forget our mental health. Truth is, it’s more convenient to do so. After all, who wants to admit that they don’t have it all together? How many can honestly admit to grappling with bouts of depression or anxiety? Not many. Society, especially this social media obsessed, appearances-minding, keep-up-with-the-Joneses, all-is-well-in-the-best-of-worlds, society, doesn’t exactly cast a kind eye on people, and women in particular, who are not strong enough.
In my native Senegalese culture, the Wolof term “sutura” alludes to this need to keep face, even when submerged with issues, out of human dignity and honor. While this was an honorable concept back in the days, It has slowly turned into a “saving face” contest. Many resort to putting themselves in debt, or pretending to be well off and happy, more out of a sense of personal pride than dignity. In the same way, some spend thousands of dollars to “stunt on the ‘gram”, and impress others with what they don’t really have. As a result of all this, taking care of one’s mental health, especially as a working woman, has become a tremendous challenge.
As a working mom of 2 and a budding entrepreneur, I have experienced, like so many other working moms, times when I was mentally at my worst. Those were times plagued with fatigue, insecurities, and high personal and professional stress. Yet, it took me a long time to give myself permission to acknowledge the importance, and at times fragility of my mental health. It has taken me even longer to commit to proactively protecting it. There are so many taboos and silences around mental health issues, from depression to anxiety and suicide. This is especially prevalent at work where many working women have to put on a professional mask, which perpetuates this culture of mental health avoidance.
What can you do as a busy working woman to take care of your health in a proactive, dignified and most importantly effective manner? It’s a question I’ve asked myself many times. Along my personal and professional journey, I’ve been fortunate to find and receive some guidance in this area that I’d like to share.I’ve also been comforted by the fact that we’re never alone in our own journey when it comes to caring for our mental health. We’re walking alongside so many other women who are trying their best, and also striving to protect their own mental health.
Here are some tips on taking care of your mental health as a working woman:
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Acknowledge your mental health struggles
It begins with being honest with yourself, and more particularly the struggles you’re encountering with regards to your own mental health. If you’re not feeling like yourself, are unusually tired and sad, or continuously feel a sense of impending doom, chances are your mental health is seriously suffering. Consider discussing this with your doctor, and getting a recommendation for a psychologist. Do not just dismiss your symptoms, self-medicate or wait for it to pass.
If you ask me, I think every single person should see a psychologist at least once. As a matter of fact, everyone should periodically check in with a psychologist. The reason for it is that we all go through complex experiences and face dire challenges and obstacles in our work and life. We all process them differently, not realizing the heavy impact they may have on us. Being able to speak to someone who is detached and qualified enough to help you come to terms with your own experience is key.
To Do: Don’t be afraid to acknowledge your mental health struggles, if only to yourself at first. You can’t solve an issue you won’t recognize. Understanding that your mental health is one of your most important assets goes a long way in being purposeful, successful and happy at work and in life.
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Stop the elephant in the room syndrome: Talk about it
Mental health is the proverbial elephant in the room for many working women. As an introvert and a pretty private person, simply admitting that I was stressed was a challenge. Never mind sharing some of my difficult moments with others…
As working women, especially as women of color, talking about our mental health struggles feels counter-intuitive. For many of us, the way we were raised and our cultural environments also preclude us for discussing the elephant in the room. Instead, we tip toe around it, pushing ourselves to be strong even when we need to heal and take care of ourselves.
To Do: Find trusted friends or colleagues to confide in, and release the tension that may be accumulating inside of you. Consider consulting with a mental health professional as well to learn ways to cope with your particular sources of stress.
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Set some boundaries!
Have you found yourself over-committed, burdened and as a result, depressed and anxious? Or do you take on so much (and so many people) that you end up losing your own sanity? Even better, do you allow life, work and its circumstances to overwhelm you to the point of sacrificing your own mental well-being? I know I have…We may all have at some point of another. After all, it comes with the territory, as a woman, wife, mom, sister, etc…
I was having a conversation earlier with a sister friend of mine, and both of us were discussing how challenging it is for us as working women to say no. Whether it’s declining yet another invitation to help on a project because we already have so much on our plates, or saying no to a commitment we cannot afford to take on, or even refusing to be treated a certain way, setting clear boundaries is key to our good mental health.
To Do: Learn to say NO! Don’t feel guilty for declining a commitment, staying away from someone, or simply taking the time to care for yourself. Without the proper controls on your work and life, you’re putting your mental health at risk.
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Take some time out
Sometimes, you’ve just got to bow out and take some time out for yourself. As a matter of fact, you should do it regularly to avoid burnout and mental exhaustion. As working women, we tend to run ourselves ragged in search of the perfect work-balance, which by the way doesn’t exist. We feel guilty for not being more accomplished at work. We feel guilty for not being the perfect wives, mothers, friends and sisters we believe we should be. By the time we’re done completing all our projects, fixing the perfect dinner, answering all our text messages and returning calls, we’re on the verge of losing our edges. I know I am…
I’ve now made it a tradition to take some serious time out, including from social media, constant work and even my own kids and family. The hubby and I manage our schedules so that each of us can spend some time alone on weekends or on some week nights. It’s not just about balance, it’s about sanity!
To do: Schedule some time out for yourself and pencil it in your calendar just as you would any other important commitment. Steer away from work, family and social media, and use this time to refresh and do something you really enjoy. It may be a mani-pedi, reading a book or just staring at the ceiling, your choice!
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Help eliminate the stigma around mental health
As working women, we unconsciously tend to repeat the mental health stigma around us by not showing ourselves the grace needed to care for ourselves. It’s by allowing yourself to be honest enough to recognize mental health is important, and that we all may suffer from issues around it, that you allow other working women to do the same. By the way you care for yourself, set boundaries around your life, you also inspire other working women to do the same.
Most importantly, by being willing to talk about it, you also contribute to destigmatizing the issue of mental health among working women. It takes being vulnerable to show the power that exists in healing so we can be the best version of ourselves.
To Do: Stop and pay more attention to the other women around you. Be willing to be vulnerable and share some of your struggles, not as a sign of weakness but as a sign that we all go through similar struggles and need to support each other in the process. Last but not least, refrain from judging another working woman who’s struggling at the moment, as you may have already been in her shoes.
All in all, taking care of your mental health as a working woman is a priority you should devote your time, attention and energy to. Being honest and forthcoming about the issues you’re facing, sharing them with the right people, setting boundaries and taking some time out can help. By taking care of your mental well-being, you can also help empower other women and reduce the terrible stigma around mental health.
Now your turn: How do you take care of your mental health?
To Your Success,
Solange.
