One semester somewhere between middle school and my umpteenth serious acne crisis, my Chemistry teacher, this larger-than-life (literally) heavy-framed, smart beyond limits, lady, gave me my first failing grade ever on a major test. Ever. I was flabbergasted, shocked, in absolute disbelief. At 12 years old and four feet something, I was already failure-adverse. And it would take me decades to get over it…
Whether they admit it or not, most people are scared shitless of failing. Hence the whole concept of “faking it ’til you make it”. We’re afraid of messing up, picking our faces off the floor, all the while looking like total idiots, and moving on like nothing ever happened. So we try to perform better, work late nights, network more, get more degrees and certifications, and dress for the job we want. All that so we don’t look like we’re scared shitless of failing…until the day we fail again, and we have to do it all over. It sounds exhausting, because it is…
Truth is, most people are scared shitless of failing…
There are tons of lessons out there about failure, especially career failure. Some say it’s good for your career, others provide tips and tricks to overcome your fear of failure and make it big! Speak up, lean in, do the superhero pose, don’t talk too much, find your bliss, lay down, get up, start running…And the more we talk about it, the more scared we get. It’s like telling yourself you’re not going to trip over yourself so much you forget to tie your shoe laces…You’re going to be scared nonetheless, so you might as well ditch all the prep work and just do it:
1. Stop being attached to the outcome! it took me years to pass my CPA because all I wanted really was the piece of paper and the designation. As long as I didn’t strive for the process itself, I kept failing, and miserably so. One day I decided I was going to do it, whether it worked out or not…and it worked out! That’s the thing about desires, if you just want the end, you tend to stay stuck at the beginning. And that sucks!
2. Focus on the gains, not the losses! Why do you think you’re more taxed on your gains than your losses in business? Well, sometimes the obvious doesn’t hit us until we’re laying face down in our own mess. You cain’t fail if you’ve gained experience, wisdom, knowledge, and this tricky thing called perspective. You can mess up, yes, but as long as you’ve got something to take home with you, that ain’t failure!
3. It’s never black-and-white: Bad leaders will tell you there are only yes or no answers (that’s why they are bad leaders). It’s never black and white, not even when you’re dealing with different coffee roasts. The problem with the very concept of failure is that it’s definitive, it’s black-and-white and boring! It doesn’t leave you with anything but a large surface sting to deal with, and you don’t want that. You want to be able to learn something so you can pick your face up off the floor and keep moving. And if, when you find a leader who can tell you that, stick with them…
4. Enjoy the process! I know, the whole cliche of “it’s not the destination, it’s the journey” is pretty old. But it works. And so does Vaseline on chapped lips, it’s cheap, old as all hell, but it works. And when it works, even if it’s not fancy, or New Age, or 100% certified organic, you keep it somewhere in your back pocket. Enjoy the work, learn something, ask a question! If you think you can’t enjoy it, at least enjoy your paycheck, be grateful you can pay rent, and thank the Lord the reason you hate this job is so you can work out the guts to go do something you really enjoy…And get ready, because you will also have some pretty sucky days at that job you really love…
The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill is entered in the Library of Congress- Photo: rolling stone.com
Happy Sunday! Ours was a relaxing and easy week-end on this side of the blogosphere, plus or minus some loud kids’ (apparently mine) screaming and object destructions here and there…As we’re tentatively trying to sip on our coffees with a semblance of calm and quiet, here are the news we’re reading and re-reading, and gossiping about at the (late) lunch table:
Other women are speaking up too, this time against the outlawing of abortion. ThinkProgress reports Ohio State Rep Teresa Fedor revealed on the legislative floor she had been assaulted, raped and had had an abortion (and oh do we respect her for the courage to stand up and speak her truth);
And as we’re refreshing our expectations and ideas about everything, Fortune confirms, unlike thought by most, an Ivy League education is not the only ticket to education;
In other hopeful, breakthrough news, Time Money reveals a new proposal could get your employer to pay your student loans;
In the same spirit, Black Enterprise celebrates President Obama’s announcement to pledge $240M to STEM, while the Huffington Post reports the President urges young scientists to keep asking why;
Mashable writes about a new witty web series about the everyday modern lives of modern black women (and it’s captivating…);
The work world is changing! Inc. illustrates 3 major workplace shifts we need to be aware of;
In somewhat unsettling fashion news, Fortune writes about GAP possibly implementing clothing vending machines (where are we going?);
Mashable Business presents us with the paradox of the week: while Google’s CFO left to achieve work-life balance, it hired the most powerful woman on Wall Street as his replacement, supposedly a workaholic. As for us, we’re just happy a woman is up there;
In other paradoxical (not to use other less politically correct terms) news, Forbes reveals even though female nurses outnumber their male counterparts 10 to 1, they still earn a lot less:
Worried about your productivity? Payscale writes it’s all about colors. Hope you’re having a blue kind of day today;
If you were ever doubtful about the effect of gender parity in management, CBC confirms it definitely boosts corporate profits (ka-ching!);
Lately, I’ve been pondering about the real meaning of our careers, jobs, daily occupations, grinds, etc. Notice what you say when introducing yourself to someone else? “Hi, I’m Solange, I’m an accountant (and in the silent background of my busy mind: “I have a passion for writing, and I’m addicted to coffee and French cheese ).” There you have it, the whole sum of my being, identity, passions, interests, smushed into words I know for a fact don’t capture the essence of who I am. Neither does it capture the essence of anyone else…
The real question is, “Who are You?”
The question, the real question is, who are you? Not what you do? Not what your job, career, degree is. Not what Fortune 500 company you work in, not who you report to, or what your net worth is. Who are you, really? That, not your annual salary, your yearly review, your social or economic status, is what matters. And because that is what matters, that is what should guide the direction we take in life, including the direction of our careers.
Today, as you get ready for work, take a look at your life, or consider setting your sails towards a new direction, take the time to ask yourself, who are you, really? What motivates you? What stirs your soul? What do you know for a fact you will regret if you don’t do it?
It’s a difficult process, but one that will free you, empower you, and give you wings. So I’ll start today, right here: “Hi, my name is Solange, writer.”
At the start of my career, I admit I wasn’t particularly excited at the prospect of “shopping for work clothes”.
Fast forward a few years, today’s fashion versatility and my own career growth, building and refreshing my work wardrobe have become not only necessary, but also fun! I usually do what I call my work wardrobe Spring Cleaning in late March mid-April, so I can take advantage of the winter sales and give myself a post-winter boost too!
How about you? Do you refresh your work wardrobe periodically, and if so, when?
Tulip-print pullover – $29.94- Photo credit: old navy.gap.com
Loving this V-neckline tulip-print pullover from Old Navy! It’s a beautiful Spring look that can be styled casually as well as professionally for work…The design is beautiful and lightweight, and the long sleeves with buttoned cuffs make it a perfect layering piece to transition through seasons. And the price is pretty beautiful as well, at $29.94…
Keeping in the same floral style, I also like this beautiful option, also from Old Navy, or this floral gauze scarf that will add a spring to your step in seconds!
I love the idea of style, everywhere, anywhere, at all times. If it were up to me, we’d live in style, not just for some vain, purely materialistic purpose, but for the currency of well-being it brings to our lives. Even at work, even when the air-tight month end deadlines could make us care less about whether our right shoe matches the left, or whether we look like we’ve gotten dressed out of a suitcase. Even when it’s cool not to care about style, because we supposedly have more “substance” than that.
As many of us tread the professional waters of our professional lives, we try as much as we can to be mindful to match our shoes, comb our hair and generally look presentable. Some even make it a mission to look their absolute best, upping the ante when it comes to office style, creating new categories of office fashion pedigrees as they christen the most expensive must-haves when it comes to work fashion. Yet even in the midst of this whole “being careful about your appearance” culture, there are still some style mistakes some of us make without even realizing:
Mistakenly thinking style is just about what you wear! Your office fashion may be on point, yet you may still lack in the way you present yourself to your managers and peers. Style is about knowing who you are, what looks best on you, what is appropriate for which circumstances, and generally how to carry yourself and adapt to your surroundings. So as you’re impatiently waiting on your tax refund to overhaul your work wardrobe, pause and think about who you really are, what you really want, especially out of a job or career, and let that guide your sense of style at work.
Being inconsistent in your approach to style. Are you the woman who dons a Prada suit one day, only to show up in distressed jeans and a tee the next? Unless your company is uber-versatile when it comes to dress codes (or favors changing personalities), inconsistency in your approach to style can confuse others and hurt your image at work, especially if you’re in a position of leadership. So while you don’t have to wear the same suit in three different colors, flip-flopping between ultra-conservative and grunge, not so much!
Forgetting about your direct surroundings! Style is not about pretty clothes (refer to item#1). If you’re decked out on the daily, and your cube looks like a remnant of World War II, we have a problem (well, you do!). Approach who you are, what you do and where you do it with neatness and…style!
Producing sloppy work! Whether you’re aware of it, you’re building a brand at work! Producing sloppy work just shows you don’t care, and you don’t pay attention to the way your work is done, received and/or perceived. A big component of style is projecting positive results too…
Dressing for the position you want, not for who you are! You’ve heard it, you should not dress for your current position but rather for the one you want. Yet, grabbing clothes and shoes off a mannequin, and putting on a persona to fit some self-assigned ideal, is not style, it’s impersonation. As much as you may want to dress for the position you want, don’t forget to infuse your style with your own essence. Wear that suit, but add a hip (but not too hip) necklace to it. You can still have swagger and succeed…
Letting your looks precede you! There’s so much you can tell about yourself just by the way you carry yourself, the way you dress (or the way you choose not to dress), and the general way you present yourself to the world, especially the corporate world. Yet nothing beats showing the real you, even in a corporate world where most put on a facade and pretty much “fake the funk”. Now there’s a difference between faking it “till you make it, and purposely or not omitting to show the real you. Don’t let your style precede you, let it speak for the real “you”!
Or having your style just show the most “blah” version of yourself! There’s a reason why you put on a suit to interview for a job, or scour the blogs (hopefully this one) to figure out what to wear to the office holiday party. You want to show yourself in the best light possible. Opting for work style options that are boring, “blah”, and don’t show who you are only works to cast a shadow on you. You don’t have to don sequins to the office, but you’re allowed to sparkle a little…
Not respecting others’ style (or others): You may think your brand-spakin’ new Birkin bag just catapulted you into high society, yet that doesn’t give you permission to look down on anyone else’s Coach purse. Respect others; that includes who they are, the way they carry themselves, and the way they choose to dress or present themselves. That nerdy-looking gal with a bit of a grungy style may just be the next female Mark Zuckerberg, or may very well be the highly-sought after investor the whole company has been talking about. As my grandma would say, if you ain’t got anything positive to say (or contribute, or add to the Universe), you know…
Refusing to let your style evolve: Working Girl was an awesome movie, and a great flashback into 90’s fashion and the era of padded shoulders. No offense here, but moving with the times is not only good for your wardrobe, it can also do wonders for your career. Don’t get me wrong, the office is not where you should be experimenting with the latest fashion trends (please stay away from distressed jeans and blue-streaked hair). Yet placing yourself out of the 90”s style wise may help you connect better with millennial colleagues, and even tap into new, more modern business opportunities…
Last but not least, thinking you can get away without any sense of style whatsoever! There is no such a thing as bad or good style. Yet not having any sense of style attacks your very identity. It’s not just about what you wear, but the culture you bring in through the way you carry yourself. Not knowing who you are, what you bring to the plate, and what your particular, unique cultural sense of style is, can only hurt you. It’s ok to show who you are…
What other style mistakes have you, or others, made at work?
We’ve been talking about refreshing your networking list, and getting started on a brand new professional foot this Spring! Internal networking is not often talked about, as we assume most network to get out of their current company or position.
Networking inside your company walls, especially when it’s a large company, can help you secure a longer-lasting, and diversified, career. Are there roles you may be interested in in other departments? Have you been thinking of exploring another facet of your company? Meeting the heads or members of other departments can help answer your questions, and make yourself visible to them as well.
My $0.05: When it comes to networking, start with what’s right under your nose. Ask your boss who you could talk to if trying to experience another side of the business. Use your company’s organizational charts to pinpoint key people you could connect with. Ask your colleagues too. Your next great opportunity may just be down the hall!
