by Solange Lopes | Jan 15, 2015 | Career |
Photo credit: http://trevorgreen92.files.wordpress.com
I’ve had to address many a difficult situation with co-workers. From dealing with control freaks to putting up with abuse at work literally, finding the courage, and the right tone to address challenging inter-personal situations at work can be a challenge, a big one at that…
As women at work especially, the pressure to conform and fit in can be particularly daunting. Attempts at challenging the status quo, or even simply standing for ourselves, are most often shut down and denied any value. As minority women especially, the “angry black woman” stereotype is not only damaging to our careers, but also to our psyches (and not even the Shonda Rhimes of this world are spared the insulting comparison). Yet as difficult as these situations may be, there are tips to handle conflicting, difficult situations with co-workers at work:
1. Pick the right time and place! There’s a time and place for everything. Addressing a difficult situation, especially at work, requires extensive dexterity and diplomacy. You don’t want to put yourself in an even more difficult situation. Pick a time and place where you are comfortable, preferably a private, one-on-one setting.
2. Whatever you’re going to say, write it out first! We are emotional creatures, especially as women, and there’s nothing wrong with it. I actually happen to think we can turn our emotions into competitive advantage. Yet in order to channel our emotions in a constructive way, we must learn to control them. One great way to do so is to prepare for confrontation. Write down your arguments, and read them aloud to yourself before meeting with your co-worker, colleague or boss. Ensure they sound constructive and not damaging, and that they help better the situation at hand. And of course, let it be your truth!
3. Take a deep breath! Confronting a difficult situation at work is far from being easy. It’s our jobs we’re talking about after all, our livelihood. It’s normal to feel apprehensive, even a bit fearful of confrontation at work. So take a deep breath, get hydrated, stop questioning yourself, and believe it is all going to work out for the best!
4. Avoid the blame game! As much as you may have many a reason to blame the other party, don’t feed into a back-and-forth type of conversation. Express what you feel, use specific examples, and offer solutions! A good example of a conversation starter in this case would be: ” I appreciate your feedback and leadership, and am grateful for it. However, I do feel that when you address me in an elevated tone of voice, it creates a difficult atmosphere to work in and prevents us from communicating effectively. An example would be when….” And remember to balance each negative with a positive!
5. Back yourself up! Now that you have decided to confront a difficult situation, colleague or boss, be prepared for repercussions. As much as any workplace forbids retaliation or repercussions of any kind, there are informal undercurrents of it that happen at work every day. Stay optimistic as to the outcome of the conversation, yet do not be blind to the possibility that you may now have to watch your back and defend yourself. Make sure your superior is aware of the discussion that occurred. If necessary, depending on the gravity of the situation, document it formally. You may even want to go one step further and alert Human Resources if the situation requires it. In any case, maintain evidence of what happened, in case you need to provide it later.
Have you had to confront a difficult situation at work? How did you go about it?
The Corporate Sister.
by Solange Lopes | Jan 12, 2015 | Career |
Photo credit: forbes.com
I wrote earlier about family resenting you for your career success. How about when it’s time to recommend a family member? Is it advisable, or should you rather run in the other direction? The same way using family members as references is usually questionable, and questioned, by hiring managers due to the bias involved, recommending family members can also have many a downside.
From affecting relationships with family members to jeopardizing your reputation at work, recommending family members can certainly present challenges. Hence the need to have a clear, honest conversation at work, and with your family member, beforehand. Also understand the decision process involved is out of your hands. Tread carefully, and be honest from the start.
Would you recommend a family member at work?
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Jan 12, 2015 | Career |
Edged boucle coat – $139 – Photo: anntaylor.com
Ann Taylor is having its semi-annual sale, and this edged boucle coat at a 50% discount caught my fashion eye. Loving the winter white haute sophistication of this original coat, that can be styled up for the boardroom, or down for a stylish week-end on the town. The leather edge makes for an oh so contemporary chic addition to this elegant coat! It’s on sale for $139 at Ann Taylor!
Other very stylish boucle coat options include this fringe-trim boucle coat from Neiman Marcus (more of a splurge), as well as this color block option from L.K. Bennett. Other more frugal alternatives include this wool-blend coat from Forever 21, and this $25 light pink fashion staple from H&M.
Did you say boucle?
The Corporate Sister.
by Solange Lopes | Jan 12, 2015 | Career |
Photo credit: dailyworth.com
It is said your home and family are the foundation for success. It’s at home growing up that we’re supposed to learn what it means to cooperate, collaborate, and support each other. It’s also at home that we pass along work ethic to our children. Yet it’s also within our families, both close and extended, that we get way too closely acquainted with feelings like self-doubt, jealousy and resentment, especially around successful careers.
In minority communities such as the Latino community for instance, where the college completion rate remains low despite increasing enrollment, career success is unfortunately far and few in between. The recent governmental initiatives to increase college opportunity for low-income and minority students hope to address the educational and career success gap for minority students, yet there are still too few of us making it past entry-level careers. And for those of us who do, or at least are striving to do so, we may have to deal with yet another obstacle in our way, family resentment.
As the first to graduate from college in her family, Maria felt the pride of accomplishment and success. Yet she is also constantly reminded of the price her parents had to pay for her success, from leaving their native Mexico to taking menial jobs to survive…and how her family expects payback, and may even resent her for what she’s accomplished. Tia is rising in the corporate ranks, and making a name for herself in her field of Electrical Engineering. Yet, every time she goes home, she feels she has to justify her achievements to her less fortunate family members…in addition to financially supporting them.
Remember the family drama in BET’s Mary Jane? Not only is Mary Jane Paul, a successful TV reporter, out of love, but also out of family support as she struggles to care for a needy family? What about one of my favorites, Soul Food, in which corporate mogul Teri resents being the family’s ATM? While a frequent reality in minority communities due in part to socio-economic reasons, family resentment towards career success is widespread across all communities.
Truth is, career success does bring about resentment and jealousy, even and especially in closer circles such as family. For many, it’s a painful reminder of lost opportunities, deferred dreams and even personal failures. And it unfortunately creates the lack of generational support and supportive network, which in turn breeds declining performance and a general professional apathy.
Recognizing family resentment and even opposition to one’s career is one of the first steps to addressing the problem. Acknowledge the harsh truth of the situation, so as not to allow it to prevent you from moving forward.
Have you experienced resentment from your family towards your career’s success? How did you react? Any advice?
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Jan 11, 2015 | Career
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Happy Sunday! Hope everyone is enjoying the rest of their week-end. It’s snowy and cold on this side of the blogosphere, and if you’re anywhere around us, as you’re sipping on your warm coffee cup this morning, here are the news that made my week:
- This week, we mourn the deaths of the victims of the Charlie Hebdo attack in France, as we all shake our heads in disbelief, yet hold on to the hope that beyond blame, we can learn from this tragedy. Buzzfeed remembers the illustrious cartoonists and victims of the attack here.
- As we’re still in the throes of New Year’s
resolutions decisions, Fast Company highlights 5 habit changes you can actually make in 2015, while also listing 10 steps towards a better, more productive you in 2015;
- If you’re considering relocating to a new city, the Daily Muse reveals the true costs of moving cities;
- And if you’re in the process of interviewing, keep in mind employers are increasingly incorporating challenges, simulations and assessments in their hiring process. The Wall Street Journal writes about how employers ask candidates to “show their stuff”;
- According to the Pew Research Center’s report released last week, email still trumps social media, smartphones for workers;
- Forbes released its 30 Under 30 list of most influential, and here are the rising stars in Enterprise Technology. On the other end of the spectrum, here are the least stressful jobs of 2015 (and the most stressful jobs of 2015);
- The Washington Post writes about what leading feminists want in 2015;
- Fortune Magazine writes about what successful women really want in 2015 (unfortunately, diversity is not one of those aspirations);
- In “Huh?” news this week, Jezebel reports Phyllis Schlafly manages to make us question the very concept of human sanity, by arguing women get raped in college, simply because…they go to college! Hmmm….moving on;
- In happy news, The Economist writes 2015 will benefit from a robust economic growth, and ordinary families will benefit (yasss!);
- We’re back on the millennial debate bandwagon, and Talent says new data reveals some surprising truths about the generation we love to hate;
- Bingo! If you’re planning to ask for a raise this year, Huffington Post reveals it actually works most of the time;
- If you’re shortie like me, Business Insider says you’re not in luck, here’s why tall people make more money;
- Last but not least, I really enjoyed this article from Daily Worth, and me too, am done being a nice girl.
Happy Sunday!
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Jan 9, 2015 | Career
Work from home – Photo credit: madamenoire.com
Did I mention the weather is horrendous in the Northeast? While many of us are dreaming to work from home, few know how to ask for it, and when it’s ok to actually request it. With the rise of technology and telecommuting options, it’s certainly gotten easier to work from home at least on some days. However, in many, if not most, corporate environments, it’s still not acceptable.
Remember when Marissa Mayer ended Yahoo’s work-from-home employee perks back in 2013? Back then, her argument was that while working from home may have enhanced productivity, it was hindering collaboration between and innovation in employees. So much for that Yahoo perk…As reported by Women on Business, 56% of telecommuters feel equally productive at home or at the office, while only 32% feel more productive telecommuting.
However, there are just those days, when the cable guy is dropping by (unannounced of course), the baby has a fever, or school is closed, when you really could use a work-from-home day. Especially since you have to lug your laptop around anyways, and you’re hunkered down in your cube most of the time, right?
My $0.05: Check your department’s policies first! Many companies and departments have implemented work-from-home policies that are more or less specific. In any case, always check in with your manager, and ensure you don’t need to be physically present in the office. If you need to work from home due to inclement weather or last-minute circumstances, drop an email to your boss/team to check in and if necessary, provide an update at the end of the day.
Also be available on the phone for any work-related emergencies (and please refrain from letting it slip that you’re doing your laundry or seasoning meat for dinner).
Any tips on requesting to work from home?
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Jan 9, 2015 | Career |
Rag&Bone Dusty Rose Fedora – $198 – Photo: polyvore.com
I’m a hat girl, always been, always will be. And when the temperatures drop, rain threatens to mess up the ‘do, I’m prepared haha. Well, this season, I’ve been obsessed with fedoras, for their edgy yet refined elegance, and their undeniable versatility. They’re perfect outside on yucky-weather days, or just to stroll around with the girls just because…
My favorite splurges when it comes to fedoras include this Mulleins Fedora ($98), and Lusitane Fedora ($69.95), both from Anthropologie, as well as this Rag &Bone Dusty Rose fedora from Polyvore! Other funkier (and more frugal) alternatives include this Topshop color block fedora from Nordstrom, this wool hat from H&M, and this oh so fabulous chained wool fedora from Forever21.
Would you wear a fedora on week-ends or even on your way to work meetings?
The Corporate Sis.
