by Solange Lopes | Nov 22, 2017 | Find Your Purpose |
What will people think? This question has single-handedly stopped many a destiny, aborted many a dream and reduced the lives of most to an existence well below their potential. For the longest time, it was also the crutch I kept leaning on to remain in my comfort zone. Caring about what people think, this disease that’s been passed on from generation to generation, especially among women, has destroyed careers, halted businesses and instilled doubts in the most promising futures. For the longest time, it was also the crutch I kept leaning on to remain in my comfort zone.
I grew up in Senegal, West Africa. Where I come from, you don’t just act how you want to act. You think about others, about the community first. It was that way back in the days because the community came first, before personal interests. As time went by though, this concern for the communal slowly turned into excessive care about appearances. And that’s the way it has become pretty much anywhere around the world, especially with the predominance of social media. It’s all about the way our lives, our work, our families, the arch of your brows or the shine of your highlighting powder, is going to appear to the world. What they’re going to think about you eating lobster on a Thursday night, or jet-setting in St Tropez on your last dime. How many likes or comments you’ll get, as a reflection of your own self-worth and validation.
At the age of social media, rented private jets and made up scenery for Instagram pics, not caring about what people think is close to achieving miracles. Don’t get me wrong, we’ve created countless memes and images around being free to do what we want and living life on our own terms. Yet, we seek approval on these same memes we post day in and day out. So what is one to do, to disentangle oneself from the prison of others’ opinions, without drifting into exile or shunning social media forever?
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Cultivate the fierce art of loving yourself
In a world where selfishness is being masked as loving ourselves, we’ve lost the art of real self-love. The ability to unconditionally hold ourselves in high esteem, without doubting our divine worth, assignment and purpose. Instead, we tend to allow the wind of circumstances and events to dictate who we are at any moment.
Stop second-guessing yourself, and start appreciating yourself, even as you make mistakes and are not as successful as you think you should be. Let your sense of worth dictate how you allow others to treat you, and the path you take in this life. And don’t let anyone else convince you otherwise.
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Practice going against the grain
Care is a muscle. The more you exert pressure on it, the stronger it will be. Practice going against others’ opinions to strengthen your resolve to stop caring about what people think. This is not about disagreeing with everyone about everything, but rather having the courage of your own convictions in a world that constantly demands that you conform.
Be your own person. Stand alone if you have to. Let go of the need to say yes, the urge to please and agree with others so you can be accepted. The more you have to seek acceptance within yourself, the more likely you will stop caring what people think of you.
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Spend time alone
The noise of other people’s opinions very often clouds our judgment. Energy is contagious, so are behaviors and opinions. By removing yourself from the noise around, it’s easier to make space for your own opinions and convictions.
Don’t be afraid to spend time alone. If anything, welcome it as an opportunity to explore your innermost thoughts and desires. The more grounded you get in who you truly are, the less likely it will be for you to succumb to others’ opinions.
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Detach yourself from the need to be liked
I used to have what I’d call the “disease to please”, this urge to be appreciated by everyone around me. In turn, I would jump through hoops and desperately try to cater to the needs, desires and whims of people around. While it wouldn’t make me happy, I’d still do it for the fleeting comfort of being liked.
Not everyone has to like you. As a matter of fact, many, if not most people, you meet, may not like you at all. And that’s ok. You have neither the time, nor the energy to cater to a gazillion friendships and other relationships. Take it as a blessing, which frees you up to build strong relationships with those who are meant to be in your life.
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Open yourself up to criticism
Unless you’re ready to be talked about and criticized, you’re not ready to be successful. What stands in the way of many people who can’t seem to achieve the success they crave is their refusal to be criticized. Unless you do absolutely nothing, you will be talked about, most of the time in rather unflattering terms. Which also means that you’re doing something that’s making people talk.
Don’t fear criticism. As a matter of fact, you should welcome and celebrate it as a sign that you’re making a difference. Keep in mind that not all criticism is negative. Learn from some of the most constructive remarks you get along the way, and use them as tools to continuously improve.
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Learn to master your emotions
The more you tend to care about what other people think, the more you maybe tempted to react emotionally in response. Having control over your emotions allows you to step away from the pressure of others’ opinions, and be able to look at yourself in a more objective way.
Understand that while your emotions are valid, they’re also fleeting. Emotions may be great indicators of where we stand at the moment, but they shouldn’t be trusted to be acted upon. Practice distancing yourself from your emotions, and not reacting to them, while still allowing yourself to feel.
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Be compassionate
Last but not least, having compassion for others is a great way not to feel threatened by their opinions about you. Understanding that most people don’t even like or appreciate themselves, and as such are incapable of liking you, helps put some perspective in this. Everyone is faced with their own journey, and has to tackle many a challenge to get there.
Be compassionate with the people who may judge you. They’re probably also judging themselves. What people think about you has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.
What other tips do you have to stop caring about what people think about you?
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sis
by Solange Lopes | Nov 20, 2017 | Career
Our Workwear feature presents various pieces of work-appropriate attire at different price ranges and sizes.
Workwear: Tweed Jacket – Photo credit: anntaylor.com
Start your week off with with a class twee jacket in a powerful red! This Ann Taylor fringe tweed zip pocket jacket is perfect for the office, paired with your favorite pencil skirt or easy slacks. It transitions well into the weekend with a crisp pair of jeans and a simple white tee. It’s $179 at Ann Taylor.
In the same style, I also like this houndstooth fringe jacket, also from Ann Taylor.
What pieces of workwear would you like us to feature? Email us at corporate@thecorporatesister.com!
This post contains affiliate links and The Corporate Sister may earn commissions for purchases through links in this post. Thank you!
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Nov 13, 2017 | Find A Job You Love
Whether you’re a seasoned entrepreneur or just starting your small business or side hustle, you may have already realized that bookkeeping is a necessary part of running your business.The process of keeping full, accurate and up-to-date business records may not rank as high as other business activities. However, it’s one of the most successful businesses’ secret to making the most out of tax season.
Keeping your business records in tip-top shape not only helps you input the right amount of business revenue and expenses. It also helps you side-step and avoid MAJOR tax penalties, in addition to saving you time, energy and stress! It also helps to meet applicable quarterly sales tax, as well as federal and state payroll tax obligations. Besides, if the IRS or state tax authorities ever decides to audit your company, having accurate bookkeeping means you’ll not only be ready, but that you’ll also pass the test.
Here are 7 bookkeeping tips to make tax time much easier to handle:
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Planning is key!
The best way to be ready for any upcoming business expenditure is to plan ahead. In the same way that you would plan for equipment, inventory or maintenance expenses, you have to plan for annual taxes. This could be as easy as setting us money aside on a monthly or quarterly basis to cover taxes.
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Schedule your time
Bookkeeping can be a tedious task, and you may be tempted to leave it to the end of the year. Instead try and schedule some time on a weekly or monthly basis to update your books. Stick to a more or less strict schedule to stay current with your finances.
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Don’t mix business and personal!
Keep in mind that business expenses are tax-deductible. As such, make sure to separate your personal from your business expenses to make it easier on yourself. If you happen to use your business accounts or credit cards for personal expenses, remember to track both sets of expenses as accurately as possible.
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Have a system to track your business expenses
Using a credit or debit card to track your expenses can be a great way to ensure costs incurred are true business expenses. Keep this in mind when you’re tempted to use cash, which can be challenging to track over time.
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Invest in Great Software
It’s important to invest in reliable bookkeeping software that can save you significant time and help you input expenses and cash flow more accurately. You can use accounting software for everything from tracking invoices and budget hours, to customizing invoices. There are countless options for bookkeeping software out there, which also may be customized for the industry of your choice.
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Check your invoices!
It can be easy to lose track of your invoices over time. So make sure to keep track of them by running customized reports through your accounting or bookkeeping software, and determine which ones still need to be followed up on.
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Invest in a Professional!
While you may be to handle a number of bookkeeping tasks yourself, in some areas you may have to invest in a pro! Whether you hire an accountant to handle your taxes or payroll, or a financial advisor to give you the best tips on your industry, investing in a professional can reap great rewards for you and your business.
What tips would you add to this list?
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Nov 3, 2017 | Career
Listen, there are some people that you just won’t like. Point blank. It doesn’t matter if you go to church every Sunday, love your neighbor and volunteer at your local soup kitchen every Thanksgiving. If we don’t vibe, we don’t vibe. This is not to say that we have to hate on each other, but vibing can be optional, right? But what happens when we actually don’t vibe at all in these corporate streets where political correctedness is should be the norm, Colgate smile on display and all? How do you manage not liking your co-worker, especially when you have to work with them?
Statistics tells us that we most likely will not like 10% of the people we meet. Which when you happen to be West African, amounts to a whole lot of people at the summer block party. Yet if you think about it, if you had to like and vibe with everyone, when would you have time to do your weekly curl mask and shave? I’m all for positive energy, but there ought to be some universal balance in play.
Despite what all the Colgate smiles in conference rooms and other corporate streets may convey to you, there are a lot of people out there who do not like their co-workers. Sometimes, for legitimate reasons. Other times, because heating up your fish and palm oil stew in the department’s microwave will not make you friends anywhere. The point is, it happens more often than not, political correctedness or not. While many of us survive this serious corporate affliction on the down low, some of us keep praying for patience and after-hours spiked margaritas.
If you happen to wonder what to do to actually refrain from giving your co-worker a piece of your overheated mind (or fish and palm oil stew), or lose your paycheck over vibin’ differences, here are a few suggestions:
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See the positive
This may sound counter-intuitive, but there are many instances in which disagreements or dislikes between co-workers stem from a misunderstanding or prior negative assumptions. Instead, grab some calming rooibos tea and contemplate the possibility that there are positive things about them. This may require some extreme concentration; however, you may be able to discern some positive traits, including the fact that they bring local candy from their vacation, that may help you deal going forward.
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Keep it professional but limit your interactions with them
We all have triggers. Some of them are dressed as co-workers who cut off our vibin’ energy every single time. Once you realize that they may trigger you to behave in a way that is uncharacteristic of who you are, you may want to start pulling away. Not as in running to the other end of the meeting room when they’re present, because: obvious. However, you may consider keeping your interactions purely professional for the sake of your sanity and excessive side eyes.
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Take a good hard look at yourself!
Reality check: the feelings you have towards certain people didn’t just appear out of thin cubicle air. Very often, what triggers us has to do with our past or something we may have to work on in ourselves.
If this co-worker reminds you of your nagging ex who used to repeat the same thing over and over again, there’s a good chance you need to do some serious soul-searching So grab that sea salt caramel ice cream pint and make a list of the people you need to forgive in your life. You’ll be surprised how much better (and in need of exercise) you’ll feel afterwards.
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Resist the urge to be petty
Yes, it can be very tempting to go vent about that co-worker we don’t like and even add some hot gossip to the sauce. But remember:
- two wrongs don’t make a wright
- God don’t like ugly
- and you still need karma on your side for when you go ask for that raise next year
Refrain from getting your Certification in Pettiness and Gossip, as hard as it may be. Not only will it ruin your reputation, but it will also eat away at your self-esteem like a hard weave at your frayed edges.
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If necessary, confront them honestly without being unprofessional
Sometimes, situations at work get out of hand, especially those involving co-workers that are not part of our “Like” stratosphere. If things get hairy with a particular co-worker you don’t like, or they happen to cross your personal and professional boundaries, you may have a talk with them.
However, you want to keep it as professional as possible, and focus on facts instead of feelings. Leave your anger back at your cubicle desk, and address the situation in as rational a way as possible. Politely ask them to stop any inappropriate behavior and to maintain professionalism at all times. And no, you cannot be all that “real”, you’re not Beyonce, this is work and rent is due next week!
How do you deal with co-workers you don’t like?
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sis.
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