The older I got, the more I realized how precious of a commodity time is, especially as a busy working mom. One of the things that often gets overlooked is our self-development, sacrificed at the altar of all the other obligations of my life. The more I also realized that if I wanted to continue to grow and develop myself into the best version of who I am called to be, I would need to invest in my own self-development in and outside of work.
As a busy working mom, it’s always been important for me to continue to invest in my personal development, so I could be happier, more purposeful, and more present as a mom, wife, friend, sister. One of the most frequent complaints I hear from fellow working moms is their fear of losing themselves completely once they partner up or have kids. Personal development can go a long way towards remaining true to yourself, and actually adding to what you bring to the table of your parenting, partnership and relationships in general.
Here are 10 ideas of on-the-go activities you can use to develop yourself in your spare time as a busy working mama:
Meditate, pray and journal
Meditation, prayer and/or journaling can go a long way towards personal development. Taking some time daily to explore your inner thoughts, feeling, mindset, goals and aspirations not only brings clarity, but also helps in feeling more centered and purposeful.
Update your financial goals
Got 10 minutes or more? Take a few moments to quickly check your budget, bank balance and financial goals. A little bit periodically adds up to a lot over time when it comes to your finances…
Work out for a half hour
Health is wealth, and working out for at least half an hour three times a week is a powerful way to develop ourselves not just physically, but also mentally.
Plan out your schedule
Planning out your schedule has been proven to help get clear on your purpose, prioritize tasks reducing procrastination and even help save money. It doesn’t have to take long either, and can be done in a matter of minutes.
Read a self-development, business or career book for 15 minutes a day
Despite all the technological advances made so far, nothing compares to stimulating your imagination and learning while reading a book. While reading a book cover to cover in one sitting may be virtually impossible as a working mom, reading a chapter a day, or just 15 minutes a day, can go a long way.
Take a course
Nowadays you can educate yourself on the go if you just have a reliable Wi-fi connection, a working laptop and/or phone. Platforms such as Coursera, Udemy, or Edx. Learning a language on the go is now much easier with tools like Rosetta Stone or Babbel.
Listen to a podcast
I discovered podcasts a few years back when trying to occupy my long commutes, and have not looked back ever since. Some of my favorites are Sarah Jakes Roberts’ Woman Evolve, Harvard Business Review’s Women at Work, and Brown Ambition.
Catch up with friends and family
Got a minute? Take some time to message or call a friend or family member. In an increasingly virtual and remote world, re-establishing regular human contact, even if for a few minutes on the go, can be a much needed booster.
Listen to an audiobook on the go
Another perk of long commutes or just having a few spare minutes is the ability to listen to audiobooks on platforms such as Audible for instance. When time is too limited to read an entire book, why not listen to it? While I admit I still prefer a good ol’ paper book, taking in an audiobook on the go also does the trick.
Netflix and chill
Last but not least, how about a regular session of Netflix and chill to catch up on your favorite movies or documentaries, while getting in some well-deserved relaxation and maybe an educational resource or two in the process.
What are your favorite ways of developing yourself on the go?
Did you experience a crisis that forced you to re-define your entire career? Maybe it was a personal tragedy that rocked you to the core, a wrenching loss, or even a long-awaited change that shuffled the cards of your life and work…Whatever it was, it created a more or less urgent need for you to re-define what work means to you, what your own definition of professional success is, and what goals and plans you have in your future.
For me, crisis has always been a blessing in disguise, especially as related to my career. It’s after defining moments in my life, from giving birth to my children, to facing personal challenges and harsh opposition at work, that I had the opportunity to re-think what work truly means to me and the legacy I want to leave through it. My definition of success went from a focus on financial success, to one of purpose, personal fulfillment, and service. I went from wanting to multiply the zeroes on my paycheck to re-connecting with my deep desire to find and pursue work connected to my purpose, work that fills me up, work that makes me truly me, not just in the office, but in all areas of my life.
I have talked to many working women and moms who have also had similar experiences, after the birth of their children, after divorces, personal losses, and a host of crises, setbacks and tough challenges. Through all my conversations, the same theme of purpose and fulfillment has emerged, opening the door for these women to re-define the work they do.
Out of these conversations and my own experience, here are 7 principles to re-define your career after a crisis:
Reconnect with yourself
At some point in our careers, inevitably, we get disconnected from ourselves. It may be because we get too busy, or we get on someone else’s agenda, or life throws too much at us to keep us grounded in our essence and what truly matters to us. So we start doing things more out of habit or convenience than out of true meaning, purpose and joy. Sometimes, we don’t even have any idea of what really brings us a sense of purpose, meaning or joy, because we’ve been conditioned to doing the same thing over and over and over again…
As working women and moms with so much on our plates, and so many expectations heaped on us by society and family, it’s crucial that we take the time to reconnect with ourselves. Not once in a blue moon, not when all hell starts to break loose, but as often as we can. But what does reconnecting with oneself truly mean? It means stopping, even if for a few minutes every day, and observe ourselves, asking of ourselves simple questions such as “What brings me joy?”, “Am I feeling heavy and unhappy at this moment, or light and fulfilled?”, or “What are the places, activities and people that drain me, and what are those that energize me, fill me with life and sheer joy?”.
The answers to these simple questions, especially after a crisis, open the door to uncovering what’s been missing, what needs to change, what is no longer welcome, and also what needs improvement.
Re-define your WHY
Why do you do what you do? What are the motives, the reasons behind you getting up in the morning and spending most of your time behind a desk, on a construction field, or typing on a laptop? While most of us would cite basic survival reasons, such as making money to feed our family, taking care of our of loved ones, or having the bare necessities, that’s not enough of a WHY to spend our most precious asset, time, in unfulfilling careers and occupations. Yes, surviving is necessary, but after the survival should come the thriving, the expanding, the continuous growth that makes us who we truly are.
What’s fascinating about our WHY is that it changes with time, with experience, with us, as we grow and evolve into the purest and most evolved version of who we are. The why of the beginning of my career as an accounting associate eager to climb the corporate ladder, is very different from the why I have now. My mission has changed, my purpose has evolved, and with it, my entire outlook on myself and the world.
What is your WHY today?
Make room for what brings you joy
We don’t often think about JOY when it comes to our careers. We may think of money, or prestige, or advancement. Yet, what about that light inside of us, that pep in our step that makes us stroll through life, have a sense of purpose and fulfillment that frankly, no amount of money can buy…
That joy is not foreign to you. You may have lost sight of it, as life became more demanding, and expectations of the outside world came crashing down on your time and energy. You may not even remember it, from the days of being a carefree kid or a dreamy college student. Yet, what crisis reminds us of, is of the urgent need to tap back into our joy. The compelling urgency to dig back into the recesses of our experience and mind to unearth the seeds of this not-so-elusive joy.
For me, it was getting back in touch with my love for writing and teaching, which I was elated to find had never disappeared, but were just buried under too long to-do lists and uninspiring chores. The great thing about re-connecting with what brings you joy, is that you can apply to pretty much anything, if you’re willing to be creative, and re-create what makes up the fabric of your work.
Clear the clutter
Making more time for what brings you joy, growth and evolution as a working woman also means making less time for what doesn’t. This is where clearing the clutter becomes unavoidable. What endless tasks and chores have you or others forced upon your schedule that leave you drained and uninspired? What are those things, those activities, those interactions that take you too long to go through, not because of their complexity or your inability, but because they are not aligned with who you are? What areas of your work feel ineffective or inconclusive?
Clearing the clutter is a continuous process of evaluating and re-evaluating what no longer fits, what never fit in the first place, and what must change. For me, it’s a constant process of introspection, analysis and critical re-evaluation, not just of what I do, but of how I do it.
Come out of your career closet
Many, if not most of us, have locked ourselves in our own, self-made career closet of expectations and appearances. We may have picked a career because our parents wanted us to, because the money was good, or because it seemed like the only viable choice at the time. Over the years, we may have stayed in this career closet of our own making, relinquishing the opportunity to change, grow, evolve, as complacency and habit firmly set in to our daily lives. That is, until a life-changing crisis hit…
Maybe the crisis happened to unlock that career closet of yours, and allow you the opportunity to finally break free from so much obligation and forceful dynamics. While it may not necessarily spell a drastic change in careers of even jobs, it may be an open invite to step out of your own closeted way of doing things into the most effective and happiest version of your professional and personal self…
Build a path to transition
Once we realize the need to re-define our career and start on this path, then a shift happens. We unwittingly begin to build a path to transition towards a different way of seeing and doing the work that we do. Again, it may not be a drastic one. We may not even change jobs, or careers, or even the color of our office wallpaper. Yet, a path to transition will inevitably open up and require us to step on it and begin a journey of self-transformation…
For me, it was a matter of leveraging my natural and acquired skills, and combine them with my academic and professional training to transition into a different but related career into teaching. The path to transition was a progressive one, built from trials and errors towards creating the career best fit for me.
Make the leap!
Last but not least, re-defining your career will also require a brave leap of faith of some sort. Some leaps may be more life-changing than others, but all of them will demand courage, faith and some level of risk-taking.
For some, it may be finally asking for the raise you deserve, making an internal move within the same company, or even dedicating yourself to an altruistic cause. For others, it may be turning in your resignation letter, starting that side hustle or full-fledged business, or taking a gap year to find out who you really are. Whatever it may be for you, know that the leap will always leave you better for it, stronger, and infinitely happier for daring to honor your true self.
How have your own crisis helped you re-define your career?
Moving is a process. Moving with kids is…a very complicated process, which I had the opportunity to learn the hard way recently after 14 years in our beloved first home. Little did I anticipate the amount of work, frustration, and sheer exhaustion that comes with hauling over a decade of belongings, memories, and people (little and big) from one location to the next, while still “wifing”, mothering and working, not to mention looking somewhat human in the middle of a pandemic, in the process.
I remember moving as a child, and it seeming like the most exciting adventure, albeit my mother screaming in the background for us to get it together. Fast-forward a few decades, a couple of kids and one husband later, the sense of adventure was still there. Except this time, it was a different kind of adventure. The kind that makes you want to pull your hair out, pour yourself a glass of rose before lunch, as you still manage to wonder at the grace of God allowing you to stand on two feet and move forward…It’s also the kind that teaches you so much more than any HGTV home renovation show ever could, from how not to pack fragile glasses to how to keep your cool when you can’t find anyone’s underwear for days…
If you’ve gone through a move or two as a working mom without losing your sanity, first of all, you’re my kind of woman and I salute you. If you have, you’re also my kind of woman and I’m right there with you. In any case, I’m thankful, and you may be too, for the lessons learned in the process, some of which I have gathered below as my 10 Commandments of Moving as a Working Mom:
Thou Shalt Pack Well!
You don’t know the importance of proper packing until you tearfully unpack a box full of broken glassware, and there’s no one else to blame but yourself. As a repeat offender guilty of poor packing, I have changed my ways this time around, and have invested instead in Uhaul moving kits complete with boxes, tape and bubble wrap, plus the labeling markers to boot.
The upside to this is you can make the whole packing experience a fun process for the kids too. They will love to put boxes together, organize their own things and learn in the process too…
Thou Shalt Find the Right Moving Transportation
Here’s the thing with accumulating stuff for over a decade. Other than going through it all and packing it, you’ve got to physically move it from one location to the next. In the middle of a pandemic and with social distancing in effect, this was a real challenge! This is where booking the appropriate moving trucks through companies such as Uhaul or Zipcar comes in handy, reducing the number of trips you have to make and condensing the entire process.
This also helps to keep family life organized, as you can free up the use of your own car for work and family needs, and still be available for the kids’ activities.
Thou Shalt Get Help!
Moving is hard, and moving in the middle of a pandemic is extra hard. Hence the need for extra helping hands, which you can get from companies such as TaskRabbit, where you can get help with moving by vetted individuals right in your area.
As a working mom and a working parent in general, this is so important as time is such a precious commodity.
Thou Shalt Plan Ahead
If you can, allow yourself a week, or at least a couple of days between closing and moving in, especially if you’re both selling and buying at the same time. This will give you time to schedule any work that needs to get done before your kids start baptizing the new walls or experimenting with hammers and other construction tools.
In addition, don’t forget to plan ahead for mail transfer services, as well as to change your utility and phone services. Trust me, there is nothing like spending hours on the phone with your utility company as the kids are complaining non-stop about the lack of wifi in the house…
Thou Shalt Get Connected!
Just because you’re moving doesn’t mean life has to stop, which means work, emails, and kids’ cartoons still go on. Which also means you need to get connected at your new place, especially if you’re in the middle of a pandemic with nowhere else to go, and you’re also working from home…
This is where companies such as Verizon or AT&T for instance, can help in establishing your new or continuing connection, before your boss realizes you’ve missed about 100 emails and your kids go on a strike because they now have to use their imagination…
Thou Shalt Get organized
Organization, organization, organization! This seems to be the keyword when moving, especially when you cannot locate your toothbrush for a couple of days or have to hunt around for soap. It happens…
Instead of struggling to fit all the kids’ socks into one corner of a drawer, consider investing in organization essentials, such as shelving tools, closet accessories, and decorative storage from places such as The Container Store for example.
Thou Shalt Abort the Diet
The first few days after moving are hard enough without having to watch your waistline. Those are official non-diet days, during which services like GrubHub and HelloFresh delivering food or ingredients to your door are more than welcome. Besides, the kids will thank you for the occasional Chick-Fil-A dinner delivery and being able to still have Taco Tuesday in the middle of unpacking boxes…
If you really insist on whipping out your grandmother’s favorite rice and beans recipe, then you can always order groceries through Amazon Prime for Whole Foods or Peapod for instance.
Thou Shalt Consider DIY
A new home also comes with new…projects. Whether they are small or big, these may require you to do some level of DIY work. We’ve recently spent more time than I would normally care for at the likes of Home Depot and Bed Bath & Beyond . I’m actually growing to enjoy home décor and renovations quite a bit, and my new favorite place to hang out is Hobby Lobby. For larger construction projects, my brother-in-law put me on to Build.com, which I cannot recommend enough.
If like myself you’re not anticipating much DIY work, think again, there’s always something to adjust, fix, or put to your own taste when you change homes. This is also a great opportunity to involve the little ones, and make them feel part of the process as they’re getting accustomed to their new space…
Thou Shalt Furniture Shop On a Budget
For those of you upsizing, you may need to shop for new furniture, which also means additional expenses on top of all the other expenditures you’ve already faced. However, I’m finding that there are ways to shop for quality furniture on a budget. Some of my favorite places to do so include Ashley Home Furniture and Raymour & Flanigan for example.
If you’re working from home, you can get affordable, quality office furniture at places such as OfficeFurniture.com.
Thou Shalt take a break!
Lat but not least, taking a break from the whole ordeal of moving, especially as a working mom, is absolutely crucial. This moving thing is not a matter of a few days, weeks or months. It’s a marathon that may take longer than expected, especially when tackling DIY home improvement projects or re-decorating a larger space.
Take breaks whenever you can, and build in a self-care routine as part of your everyday schedule so you don’t burn the candle on both ends. Order yourself some spa and skincare goodies from Sephora, Ulta, or Birchbox. Or chill out with a movie on Hulu or Netflix.
Yes, moving is a process, especially as a working mom. Yet, with a bit of advance preparation and your own take on my 10 commandments of moving as working moms, we can all do it…without too much of our sanity left behind.
What are your best tips to move efficiently as a working mom?
PS: Please note this post includes some affiliate links, which means that if you purchase products or services through some of these links, I may get an affiliate commission. Please note I only recommend the products and services I believe in and hope will server you well.
Dear Working Mom is our weekly love letter to working moms everywhere, where we talk about motherhood, life, work and everything in between…
Dear Working Mom,
First off, let me start by saying: We see you! We hear you! It’s been said over and over again that this pandemic has been particularly taxing for working moms. While for most of us, working from home during this pandemic is a saving grace, for many of us deprived of childcare, school and the help of our villages, it has been unbelievably hard. For those of us deemed essential workers, it’s been a matter of teetering at the edge of life and death on a daily basis. For all of us, it’s been one of the most, if not the most, challenging journeys of our lives. Hardest of all, has been the guilt we already feel continuously as working mothers, which only got amplified with the anxiety, stress and constant multi-tasking that became our new normal.
It’s the same guilt we, as working moms have been living with for decades, as the choice between work and family keeps being imposed to us by society and norms that still oppose gender equity. It’s the same guilt we feel when we seem to have it all, but constantly have to give one thing in exchange of satisfying another…A guilt that any crisis, especially one like the current pandemic, only serves to exacerbate in the worst way, as we painfully switch between professional focus and caregiver’s attentiveness to fulfill all our roles.
Yet, we’re doing the best we can. As a matter of fact, we’re doing more than the best we can. We’re going above and beyond, at the risk of our sanity, equilibrium and even health. We’re even quitting our jobs out of necessity, and yes, out of guilt…Yet, it’s time to break up with this destructive guilt we’ve been conditioned to experience, and give ourselves the permission to live our lives more fully.
Does this mean we have to be incompetent at being mothers or incompetent at our jobs? Are we then just destined to be stuck between the rock of motherhood and family, and the hard place of having to abandon our personal dreams and ambitions? Did that just sound selfish? No. All it means is we have to do what is best for ourselves and our families. And that, contrary to popular opinion, does not have to involve letting of purpose and personal fulfillment at the altar of perfect service. Or nourish unhappiness and disappointment at the expense of being fully present and appreciative as a working mother.
Because our kids and families want full mothers, happy mothers, purposeful and fulfilled mothers. Mothers who don’t drift through life regretting their dead dreams. Mothers who don’t live burdened by the guilt of not being everything to everyone.Mothers who don’t end up resenting others because they did not get the shot they deserved. Mothers who simply are, instead of merely existing to tackle the next task, the next chore, the next appointment.
Because if we want our kids to live full lives, we must also serve as examples. We must dare to live and tell stories that teach, that inspire, that edify. And guilt has no place in those stories…
Are you dealing with guilt as a working mother? Please email us at corporate@thecorporatesister.com, as we share our stories and encourage each other through our journeys as working moms.
Dear Working Mom is our weekly love letter to working moms everywhere, where we talk about motherhood, life, work and everything in between…
Dear working mom,
You’ve gone through A LOT as a working mother, juggling family, home and work, sometimes all by yourself. Despite the pressure, especially in these times of pandemic, you’ve kept going, pushing through the daily obstacles and walls in your way, resisting the urge to give up, fighting through tears, frustration and overwhelm…Yet, you keep saying yes to requests coming your way, from personal to professional demands on your time and energy, even when you know deep inside you can’t take much more of this pressure…
You’re an undeniable source of support for so many, from your kids, spouse and family, to your friends and colleagues at work. Most people know they can count on you to be there, to do them favors, to pick them up when they fail. You know it too, all too well, so well that it’s become virtually impossible for you to say no. What you also know, all too well, is that you’re sinking under the weight of a to-do list that’s getting longer by the day, and expectations that are becoming heavier by the minute…
You’re overwhelmed, and you’ve been for quite some time. Or is the reality that you’re overextended, over-committed, and in over your head? And that, after all, you’ve been allowing it all along? As a matter of fact, you may even have been deriving some of your worth from it, even getting some sort of a “high” from this feeling of being so indispensable, so crucial to so many…Yet, it’s killing you, literally and figuratively…
In this pandemic season of added, crushing pressure, reeling uncertainty and acute fear, you may be suddenly realizing that instead of waiting for things (and people) to change on their own, you may just be the change you need. That being so against the wall of duty and responsibility, may just be teaching you how much you need to let go of control. That this weight may just be a blessing in disguise, offering you the saving grace of going back to the basics, and letting go of what (and who) stretches you too thin and too far.
At the end of the day, yes, you’re tired, exhausted even, because you’re over-committed. Decide to forgive yourself for not knowing better, for taking on too much, for bravely attempting to be all things to all people. But don’t unpack and stay there. Decide to move forward with a lighter baggage, devoid of others’ overwhelming expectations and demands. Decide to give yourself the grace you’ve so desperately been waiting for others to give you. Be your own kind of change, your own revolution.
Dare to say no, to decline, to ask for what you need. Dare to not be available, to save some of yourself for yourself, and to require that your time and energy be valued and respected. Date to do your own thing, to be your own person, and to let the chips fall where they may.
Last but not least, dare to release the habits, mindsets, beliefs, places, people, that prevent you from reclaiming your wholeness. Dare to take back the pieces of you that you’re going to need to continue and finish your own race. Dare to let go of exhaustion, overwhelm, and over-commitment as badges of honor, because you deserve more…
