This is a question that is so often asked of kids that it has almost become routine. As adults, we may barely listen to our own kids’ heartfelt answers, attributing some of their most random answers to their (cute) lack of maturity. Eventually, they’ll know better, get a good job and become productive members of society, at least we hope so….
I remember being one such kid, beaming every time someone would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up.
“A writer, I want to be a writer”, I would timidly blurt out, chewing on the last syllables because it all sounded so big, so…unrealistic. When you were born and raised in West Africa in my days, writing didn’t exactly make it to the list of the most attractive careers. Now if your answer to this fateful question was “engineer”, “doctor”, or something along the lines of scientific genius, you’d be set to receive a vibrant nod of approval, more directed at your parents for their extraordinary feat at raising such an ambitious child. Although I was but a child, I could already notice the difference. It was this difference in treatment, among other factors, that I was reminded of when picking my college major and later my first career. It was as if I still needed the approving nods, decades later, until I didn’t…
When I had my own kids and the same question invariably made it to my lips, I was reminded of my own experience. While I’ve had the opportunity to turn this experience into the most exciting of journeys, many have not. This is why this time around, decades later, I stopped and actually listened to the small voices telling me of their dreams and aspirations, and saved my approving nods for the next Target sale. Right then and there, I realized that these moments when my children would look into my eyes for that glance of approval or that spark of joy, could define their entire lives, in a good or in a terribly negative way.
What I also realized through my own journey into purpose is that we do our best work answering the call placed in us since the beginning of times. Which also means that our children already know, even in their own imperfect terms and ways, what they are meant to be and do. It manifests in the most basic of their interests, tastes and preferences. It’s in the way they choose certain games over others, in the spark in their eyes as they assemble Legos or kick a soccer ball, in their pristine laughter as they create things from nothing. I was writing and telling stories before I knew what stories were. I was excelling at learning and teaching my dolls complex topics before I realized what I was doing. I always knew, even when I didn’t know I did.
As a working mom, one of my most important missions is to usher my children into their own purpose, and in the process, get out of the way. If you’re a parent and you’ve struggled at finding your own purpose, are still looking for it, or are blissfully living in it, it’s also yours. As I’ve found out through the innocent yet powerful lessons from my own children, is that it’s not quite as complex as we may think. As a matter of fact, it may just be a matter of doing these simple yet defining things, over and over again:
Listen and observe
I often tell my students in college that I learn more from them than they will ever learn from me. I feel the same about my children, although it’s taken me a while to realize it. Raised in a tradition where kids are seen and not heard, it’s been a process for me to deprogram my mind as a parent. Learning to listen and observe my kids instead of telling them what to do is still a process, yet one that I strongly believe in and apply to the best of my ability.
If you allow them, your children will show you who they are, and what they came forth to do on this Earth. It takes listening to their innocent words, and watching them as they evolve and choose their paths. The end result, however, is amazing as you learn to simply let them be who they are, which is the best gift you could ever give them.
Offer possibilities
Through my own personal and professional journey across industries and careers, from the office to academia, I’ve come to learn that everything is Possibility. This is also what I strive to convey to my children, students and anyone willing to receive it.
As a working mom, it’s important for me to offer the gift of Possibility to my children. For me, it means allowing them to experiment, try and fail. Whether it’s a new activity, musical instrument, sports, or simply visiting a new place or doing something different, possibilities are endless.
Create space
One thing I realized as a working mom is that I needed to create space for my kids to be themselves. This may be physical space for them to breathe and evolve as independent individuals, or mental and intellectual space to see, explain and understand things differently.
Raising my children in America as an African and now American woman is at times challenging. Many of the core beliefs I came up with are being challenged, sometimes quite irreversably. My own children have a totally different reality than the one I grew up in. However, although I don’t have all the answers, I’m willing to create the space for them to create their own.
During Ramadan, which happens to be the ninth month of the Islamic calendar during which the revelation of the Quran to the Prophet Muhammad occurred, Muslims observe a rigorous fast for about 30 days. This is done until the Eid-al-Fitr holiday, when the fast is broken. During this time, most still have to attend to their regular work and personal duties and routines, despite the observance of the fast.
I was born and raised in Senegal, a predominantly Muslim country. Although I was raised Catholic, I saw most of my Muslim friends, along with their families, partake in the sacred Ramadan fast every year. I learnt through them the rigors of this holy month, and developed much respect for those who observe it. As Senegal is a very inclusive country, I also learnt to take this inclusivity with me every place I went. Even today as an immigrant in the US, I’m still reminded of how important it is to be inclusive in all places during Ramadan.
Here are 3 tips out of my own experience and that of so many others, to practice inclusion at work with our Muslim co-workers during Ramadan:
Get informed
Not everyone is familiar with Ramadan, and that’s ok. However, there are countless sources of information and available research to get educated on it. You can learn about the traditions around it, how it’s observed, and the undeniable consequences on work and life. This can help you better understand, and support your colleagues during this time.
During Ramadan, Muslims fast from sun-up to sun-down. This is an important change to consider and be inclusive about in your teams and departments. A good start may be to talk among your teams, especially if you’re a manager, and make sure everyone is aware of fellow co-workers observing the fast, and how best to support them.
Take it into account when organizing events or meetings around food, so they don’t feel excluded. It could be as simple as offering the option for take-outs or wrapping some of the food for later. It could also be refraining from pressuring a fellow co-worker to eat or drink. A small gesture can go a long way towards showing compassion and inclusiveness.
On the other hand, please keep in mind that not all Muslims necessarily fast during Ramadan. Additionally, some may only do so during part of the month. This can help in avoiding awkward conversations as well.
Be willing to be flexible
Last but not least, flexibility is key when supporting co-workers during this time. Different individuals observe Ramadan differently. Be open to colleagues’ suggestions as to how best to support them during this time. It may be affording them the opportunity to come in late, leave early, or maybe alter their work assignments in some way or another.
Most importantly, supporting colleagues and co-workers during Ramadan is a matter of being open to learning about it, showing consideration and inclusiveness, and being flexible.
How else have you supported Muslim co-workers and colleagues during Ramadan?
There’s nothing worse than spending 40+ hours a week at a job that bores you. No career is exciting every single day, but if you’ve mastered your job and no longer feel challenged at work, it’s time to look for something different. Rather than browsing job listings for a new job doing the same old thing, consider one of these career-defining moves if you’re ready for a career challenge.
Chase a Promotion
You’re so good at your job, you could do with it your eyes closed. Instead of disengagingout of boredom, use your expertise to negotiate a promotion. A new role means more challenges and higher pay. If you decide to leave the company later on, you’ll have more skills to showcase on your resume.
Start a Business
Do you get a thrill out of learning the ins and outs of a company? If you enjoy wearing many hats at work, entrepreneurship could be the perfect fit for you.
Not up for the risks of entrepreneurship? Consider a career change if you’re unhappy with your current field. Although it might mean a pay cut, switching industries could be the first step toward a fulfilling career.
Going back to school isn’t necessary for many career changes. Odds are, you have transferable skills that would make you an asset to any job, even if your technical skills need some work. Research the careers you’re interested in and take note of the qualifications you see on job listings. If you check most of the boxes but not all, use online learning to close the skills gap.
Go Back to School
If you want to make a big career leap — say, from marketing to medicine — going back to school is a must. Attending university as a non-traditional student isn’t for everyone, but lots of mid-career women find that they’re more focused and driven as students now than they were straight out of high school.
If you’re going to spend eight hours a day, five days a week (or more!) at your job, it ought to be something you enjoy. Instead of feeling trapped in a job that bores you, start thinking about the next opportunity. You don’t have to make the leap today, but by weighing your options and planning ahead, you’ll be ready when opportunity strikes.
Are you ready for a new career challenge?
Gloria Martinez is the creator of Womenled.org, a website dedicated to educating people about the many women-led achievements that have shaped our world. Her mission is to inspire young women to act boldly when it comes to their careers.
I recently attended a women’s empowerment conference in one of the nearby universities, and one of the questions raised by a young student was: “Should I pick the career with great perks or the career that’s a best fit?” This is a question most working women and working moms ask themselves on a daily basis. The job with the great perks, including free travel, luxury stays in intercontinental hotels, and a great salary to boot, may certainly be attractive. Yet, how about the gig where people our value, where we get the most fulfilled, although the pay may not be quite as appealing? Let me tell you, you should pick the career that fits you best.
A few years back, I had to seriously ask myself this question when offered an opportunity that seemed impossible to refuse. I had two babies at the time, one of which an infant, and the prospect of added financial gain was hard to ignore. Despite the sinking feeling in my stomach as I read the about the 25% travel requirement, I accepted the offer. It was the beginning of a painful realization that there are truly no perks or amount of money that is worth the feeling of fulfillment and wholeness one deserves, especially as a working mom.
As you may start or be re-directing your career or business, you may be faced with the same pressing question. Do you take the high-paying job with loads of advantages, or do you pick the option that feels and looks like a better fit for you as a working mom and working woman? You know, the one that actually lets you see your kids, be home for dinner, and work at something that makes your heart full at the end of the day? In my opinion, the latter holds true, and here are three reasons why:
It’s never just a career decision, it’s a life decision
At times, we tend to compartmentalize our work and life in separate containers, as if one had nothing to do with the other. I’ve learnt that pretty much everything that affects your life can affect your work and vice-versa. When making a career decision, you’re really making a life decision. It’s one that’s bound to impact your well-being as well as your family’s well-being.
Is this career or job going to allow you to care for yourself and yours? Will you be able to build some margin in your schedule? Will you be able to have a sense of balance?
You develop more in an environment that’s a better fit for you
Getting an offer letter from a multi-million dollar corporation with a salary cap in the six-figure realm is flattering, appealing and frankly borderline irresistible. However, these same multi-million dollar corporations can also be labyrinths of bureaucracy and administration where you may not be able to fully develop and come into your own, professionally and personally, unless you’ve found a right fit in these.
The larger the professional environment, the more chances your voice may be drowned in all the surrounding noise. If developing your voice and growing in your career is a priority, it’s crucial to pick the career or job that allows you to do so. After all, it’s better to be a big fish in a small pond than a small fish in a large pond
In the end, your fulfillment and happiness is what matters.
At the end of the day, you won’t remember the perks or the multiple zeros in your salary. Ok, maybe a little… But what is really going to stay with you, is how much fulfillment you’ve had, how many memorable experiences and people you’ve come across, and what difference you’ve made. This is where fit or the lack thereof can create the best or the worst of careers or jobs.
Are you choosing an environment that’s the right fit for you?
I’m a recovering overachiever, I admit it. Like many other working women and working moms, I suffer from the “I want to do it all” syndrome. My to-do lists are gigantic, filled with unending items from the smallest and most mundane, to the most elaborate tasks. From paying the mortgage to replacing the shower curtains and planning for the next department meeting… Even when I can (painfully) plow through most of them throughout the day, I’m still left with so much to do at the end of the day that discouragement quickly sets in. Along with the realization that “less is more”…
If you’re a fellow “on the verge of overwhelm” working mom like myself, you know the feeling. You also know that it’s far from being a pleasant one. What you also may be familiar with is that sinking sense of despair as you roll off the bed in the morning, knowing that you’ll probably not get through your to-do list for the day, yet again…
Lately, this same sinking feeling has been overtaking me. As an avid consumer of productivity content through books, podcasts and other mediums, I started researching ways in which I could, well…do less, achieve more, and take a break. I was recently inspired by one of Amy Porterfield’s podcast, during which she interviewed best-selling author Michael Hyatt. It reminded me of the rule of three (3)which I had read a lot about in the past.
The rule of three (3) is a rhetorical technique that originated in ancient Greece, and focuses on three (3) words to express an idea. Since three items are easier to remember than five or seven, virtually anything presented in threes may be easier to accomplish and retain. Just consider the three (3) rights listed in the American Declaration of Independence: Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness. Or Apple’s founder’s Steve Jobs’ tendency to build all his presentations and product launches as iterations of threes, from the three iPad models introduced in 2010, to its description as “thinner, lighter and faster” than its predecessor. The point is, the rule of three works, so why not use it in our over-booked working moms’ lives?
Here are three (3) ways I’ve personally been using it to do less and achieve more as a recovering, frazzled working mom, and recommend:
Identify your 3 life areas
Do you tend to have countless buckets in your personal life, from family to home life, relationships, faith, spirituality and so on and so forth? I know I used to. As a result, there were so many things I was stretching myself in between to accomplish all the attached objectives. Obviously, it didn’t work in the least…
When I asked myself what three personal areas were most important to me, the answer turned out to be simpler than I thought: FAITH, SELF-CARE, and FAMILY. It made it so much easier to determine what priorities went into each of these areas, and stick to them. Even better, I picked only three priorities for each of these areas, and assigned time to each one of these.
What are your three most important personal life areas? Can you assign three priorities to each?
Identify your 3 work areas
In the same way that I picked three personal areas, I also selected three work areas to focus on. These are aligned with my passions, talents and abilities, and comprise the bulk of my work. For me, they are: TEACHING, WRITING and SPEAKING.
Similarly, I pick three priorities in each of these areas to devote my time to and build my goals around.
What are your three work areas that you choose to focus on? Can you identify three priorities for each one of these?
Pick your goals in 3’s
Lastly, whenever I devise my goals, I do it in three’s. I pick three major yearly, quarterly and monthly goals to address every year, quarter and month. In the same way, I break down each one of these goals into three items to address for each.
What three major goals can you focus on this year, quarter or month?
How can you use the rule of three to achieve more by doing less?
