In this podcast episode, I discuss making peace with ambition as working women and moms. For the longest time, ambition has been a double-edged sword for working women and moms. However, in this post-COVID pandemic area, women are redefining ambition for themselves…
Listen in!
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“You don’t need to take that certification, you’re a mom now, just take care of your kids…”
I remember these words like it was yesterday. While they were intended to be well-meaning coming from one of my loved ones, they cut like a knife. I had been trying to get my Certified Public Accounting license for a few months now, and had failed miserably after the first few attempts. I was on the verge of giving up….Had it not been for my wonderfully supportive husband, I probably would have…
This story is not unique. It’s the story of so many ambitious moms trying hard to juggle motherhood, career and everything in between. On one hand, they have so much merit going after their dreams and purpose while taking care of their families, often at the expense of their own well-being. On the other, they are often discouraged to do so, and even criticized and humiliated in the process.
Despite a growing number of working mothers in the U.S. workforce, even after the pandemic, research confirms the discrimination and negative stereotypes against working moms still persist at the hiring stage and beyond. Yet, working moms are still just as ambitious as women without children. They are also returning to work in greater numbers after the pandemic and using the advantage of remote and flexible work, as well as leveraging digital technology, to juggle work and family life. This is in addition to the general ambition bias against women in general, and working moms in particular. Women, and mothers in particular, are often slammed for being ambitious and stepping out of the traditional roles of wife and mother. Actually, being a working mom has been proven to benefit children.
What’s a working mom to do to face the double-edged sword of ambition?
Here are a few steps that can help:
Clarify your values:
Clarifying your values and priorities is the first step to fight this double-edged sword. What is truly important to you? What impact do you want to make on your family, community and the world at large? What do you want your legacy to be? Who do you truly want to be? These are some of the questions that will help you clarify your values and priorities, and help you move in the direction of what truly matters to your authentic self.
Assume your choice:
Even after clarifying what my values and priorities were, I was still in denial for a long time. It is important to assume your choice as an ambition working mother, especially when faced with opposition from the outer world. Accepting yourself and your career as well as your life choices is absolutely imperative when it comes to fighting the stigma of ambition as a working mom.
Create your own brand of motherhood:
Last but not least, clarifying your values and priorities and assuming your choice will lead you to create your own brand of motherhood. What kind of mother do you see yourself being? How do you mother best?
The reality is, ambition truly is a double-edged sword for working moms, both on the professional and on the personal and community front. Yet it is one that moms can use to improve themselves, inspire their family and create a new brand of motherhood for themselves.
How do you fight the double-edged sword of ambition as a working mom?
As I started my career as a young professional woman, I was barely aware that I could negotiate my salary, let alone anything else. As I became a mother, it didn’t occur to me until a long time that I could negotiate for benefits including flexibility and other family-friendly benefits. While I was too preoccupied with being accepted and valued at work, I did not think I had the room, the authority or the permission
In today’s fast-paced work environment, achieving a work-life balance is crucial, especially for working momsjuggling both career and family responsibilities. This is where negotiating flexible schedules and family-friendly policies can significantly improve working moms’ quality of life. For many, the traditional 9-to-5 work model may not align with the demands of parenting, self-care, social relations and life in general.
According to the U.S. Labor Bureau of Statistics, 73% of moms with children under 18 years of age were employed in 2022. Among these, many working mothers are also the breadwinners in their households, as confirmed by data from the Center for American Progress. With such an overwhelming number of mothers in the workforce, the need for family-friendly policies cannot be overstated. As a matter of fact, research clearly shows family friendly policies such as dependent care and leave benefits have a significant positive and moderating effect on work-family conflict created by work demand.
From enabling moms to pick up their children from school, attend doctor’s appointments, or simply spend more quality time with their families, flexible schedules and family-friendly policies allow working mothers to better integrate work and family life. They also help relieve moms of sometimes overwhelming stress from juggling work and family responsibilities, thus also promoting mental well-being. Lastly, they also tend to increase job satisfaction and loyalty, leading to a more committed and productive workforce. This is not to mention promoting gender equality as well, thus contributing to closing the gender gap in the workplace, allowing mothers to progress in their careers while still nurturing their families.
If you’re a working mom looking to negotiate a more flexible work arrangement, here are a few tips that may help:
1. Know Your Needs and Boundaries
Before initiating negotiations, it’s crucial to have a clear understanding of your needs and boundaries.
What type of flexibility do you need? (e.g., remote work, adjusted hours)
How will this benefit both you and your employer?
What are your non-negotiable boundaries?
Having a firm grasp of your requirements will make your negotiation more effective.
2. Research your Company Policies
Familiarize yourself with your company’s policies regarding flexible work arrangements. Some organizations already have guidelines in place you may consult online or through their human resources department. Understanding these policies can help you navigate the negotiation process more effectively.
3. Prepare a Compelling Proposal
Create a well-thought-out proposal that outlines the benefits of a flexible schedule. Consider how it will positively impact your productivity, work-life balance, and job satisfaction. Use data and examples to support your case.
4. Highlight Your Performance
Emphasize your track record of delivering results. Make it clear that your request for flexibility won’t compromise your ability to meet work objectives. Demonstrate your commitment to maintaining or even enhancing your performance.
5. Suggest Solutions to Potential Concerns
Anticipate and address any potential concerns your employer may have. For instance, if your request is for remote work, propose solutions for maintaining effective communication and collaboration with your team. Show that you’ve thought through the practicalities.
6. Initiate the Conversation Professionally
Arrange a meeting with your supervisor to discuss your proposal. Approach the conversation professionally and non-confrontationally. Express your desire to find a solution that benefits both you and the organization.
7. Be open!
During the negotiation, actively listen to your employer’s perspective. Be open to compromises or adjustments based on their feedback. Flexibility should be a two-way street.
8. Propose a Trial Period
To ease your employer’s concerns, propose a trial period for the flexible schedule. This allows both parties to test the arrangement and make adjustments if necessary. It also provides an opportunity to demonstrate its effectiveness.
9. Be Aware of your Legal Rights
Familiarize yourself with local labor laws and regulations regarding flexible work arrangements. Knowing your rights can help ensure that your negotiated agreement aligns with legal standards and protections.
10. Document the Agreement
Once you and your employer reach an agreement, make sure it’s documented in writing. Include all the terms and conditions of your flexible schedule, ensuring clarity for both parties.
In addition to flexible schedules, you may also negotiate family-friendly policies to better support you as a working mom. Here are some tips as you prepare to get to the negotiation table:
1. Know the Available Benefits
Research the family-friendly benefits offered by your organization. These may include maternity and paternity leave, childcare support, lactation rooms, or flexible spending accounts for dependent care.
2. Highlight the Benefits for the Company
When negotiating family-friendly policies, emphasize how these benefits can positively impact the company. For example, shorter maternity leave may lead to quicker return to work and reduced turnover.
3. Connect with your Peers
Talk to colleagues who have successfully negotiated family-friendly policies. They can offer insights, share their experiences, and provide guidance on the negotiation process.
4. Align with the Company Culture
Frame your request in a way that aligns with your company’s values and culture. Emphasize how these policies can contribute to a more inclusive and supportive workplace.
5. Consider a Personal Support System
If possible, involve HR or a mentor in the negotiation process. Having a support system can help ensure that your needs are heard and addressed effectively.
6. Negotiate Flexibility Within Policies
While some family-friendly policies may be standard, there may be room for negotiation within these policies. For example, if your company offers childcare support, negotiate the flexibility to choose the childcare provider that best suits your family’s needs.
7. Stay Informed About any potential Changes
Be aware of any changes or updates to family-friendly policies within your organization. This can help you stay current and take advantage of new opportunities.
8. Document Policy Agreements
Just like with flexible schedules, ensure that any agreements related to family-friendly policies are documented in writing. This creates a clear record of what was negotiated and agreed upon.
Negotiating flexible schedules and family-friendly policies as a working With effective strategies, you can navigate the negotiation process effectively and create a work environment that supports your needs as both a dedicated professional and a loving parent.
Are you negotiating family-friendly policies and flexible work arrangements as a working mom?
In this episode, I discuss the rampamt anxiety working moms experience before and during the back-to-season, and share a back-to-school system to help alleviate the pressure.
Listen in for tips and tricks to beat the back-to-school guilt and exhaustion, and replace these with a more or less peaceful transition!
Thanks for Listening!
Thanks so much for tuning in and listening to this week’s episode! If you enjoyed this week’s episode, please share it by using the social media at the bottom of this post!
Also, leave me a review for the TCS podcast on Apple Podcasts !
Have you ever said to yourself, whether it was as related to a life or work situation, there’s got to be MORE? Have you ever been so sick and tired of being sick and tired of the status quo in your workplace and wondered if there is more to your career? Have you been stuck in your business to the point of wondering if there is more to being an entrepreneur?
I suspect most of us have, especially as working women and mothers with so much on our plates day in and day out. Especially as the blatant lack of infrastructure supporting working women and moms often leaves us depleted…Especially as the various and oh so unfair biases affecting us, from gender stereotypes to the glass ceiling and concrete wall, leave us wanting for more fullness in our careers and businesses… These are also some of the issues I’m grappling with in my new book “More: The Journey to Unleash More of Who You Are”.
How can, and do we unleash more of who we are as working women and moms despite the obstacles facing us in and outside of work? There are 7 principles I discuss in the book as part of the conversation to answer this question:
Principle 1: Don’t miss your wake-up call wrapped as disruption
Unleashing more of who you are and what you want out of your career and life often requires you to step out of the very routine that is keeping you stuck. This often comes wrapped as unwelcome disruption at the seemingly most inconvenient times. Learning to recognize the wake-up calls wrapped as disruption is key to beginning and continuing the journey of unleashing more of who you are.
Principle 2: Begin with what you have and where you are
What keeps most of us stuck is the inability to even know where to begin in order to embark on a new journey. One of my favorite inspirational set of phrases from tennis legend Arthur Ashe is “Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.” To me, it speaks to the power of small change and consistent, resilient progress. In this sense, harnessing the incredible power of your unique individual stories, skills, talents, quirks, and everything that makes you YOU becomes your very unique greatness proposition and best competitive advantage.
Principle 3: Use your season of preparation through experience and release
In line with beginning where you are and using what you have, harnessing your past experience and re-purposing your skills, talents, and story is also key to unleashing your own MORE. This also requires letting go of the version of you that no longer exists to welcome the new, evolved version of who you are becoming. This is your season of preparation.
Principle 4: Managing progress
There’s a mindset to progress and growth. One that must stand strong in the face of the backlash women experience as they dare to rise. One that must learn to celebrate progress rather than shrink and hide. Ultimately, one that knows how to manage the ebb and flow of growth and evolution while still moving forward. This mindset is indispensable to managing the progress and growth that thankfully and inevitably come as you unleash MORE of who you are.
Principle 5: Handling your season of promotion
The very promotion you may yearn for may also be terrifying to you, as it is to many, if not most working women and mothers. While being aspired to and celebrated, women’s success is also threatening to the status quo, and often rewarded by harsh backlash. This is where dealing with the fear of success and re-defining success on your own terms can make a world of difference.
Principle 6: Daring to celebrate
For working women and moms, joy and celebration constitute resistance at each step of the process of becoming their best selves. Daring to celebrate, while cultivating and preserving your joy is an act of sheer resistance.
Principle 7: Focusing on the process, not the destination
Last but not least, focusing on the process and not the destination through continuous improvement is essential. At the end of the day, it’s a marathon and not a race.
All in all, unleashing more of who you are as you get closer and closer to the fullness of who you were created to be, is a gift often wrapped in disruption and requiring a challenging, albeit rewarding, process of growth and evolution. This is a necessary and brave journey of un-becoming much of the negative and damaging stereotypes women were taught and socialized into, and instead becoming all you were meant to be.
