Why you need a mental health day – Photo credit: http://blog.brazencareerist.com
Not sleeping well, or feeling frazzled after a long week-end? Snapping at the store cashier because they used plastic instead of paper bags? You may be in need of a mental health day. I know there were, and still are times when, as a mom, a wife, and a professional, I could literally feel my head about to explode with the weight of to-do’s, not-to-do’s, what-to-do’s and how-to-do’s…
Yet like many of us, I was always reluctant to take a day off to do a whole lot of…nothing. Days off were reserved for meticulously pre-planned vacation, running important errands I could not tackle after-hours or on the week-end, or shuttling the kids to doctors’ appointments. Resting, relaxing? Who needs that? According to a top UK doctor, our English fellow professionals need a 4-day workweek to combat stress. Yet considering how hesitant many of us are to even talk about health at work, let alone mental health, how do we even begin to request the time we need to take care of ourselves:
1. Plan for mental health days: Just as you plan for vacation, or doctors’ appointments, reserve at least a couple of days that are obligation-free. And no, your errand-filled, socially committed, packed-to-the-brim week-end calendar does not qualify….
2. Limit the number of to-do’s on your mental health day: The first time I took a so-called mental health day, I had about two notebook pages filled with things to do. After all, wouldn’t it be a great opportunity to clean the drain, change the draperies and catch up on laundry. End result: yet another stressful day, except at least at work I can sip on my cup of coffee in a more comfortable position than upside down looking into a nasty drain…
3. Stop feeling guilty! You know when you take a day off for no apparent, tangible reason other than to take care of yourself, you are going to feel a bit…guilty! Actually, a lot guilty! Chances are you will be thinking about what’s happening at work, what you could have done at work, and how much work you could have accomplished…Cut it out, the work will always be there, and you should want your health to do the same…
What do you think? Do you need a mental health day?
For many, if not most working women and moms, back-to-school is quite the stressful time. New schedules to coordinate, childcare to secure, administrative duties to take care of, all the while juggling the rest of their commitments because life doesn’t stop because school is back in session. If anything, the intense post-summer rhythm ends up taking a toll on working women and moms, affecting their mental and physical well-being, as well as their careers and even personal relationships…This is especially more acute when working women and moms do not have the necessary support to handle all the related changes, from infrastructure to community support. Not to mention the financial toll that comes with the heightened school-related expenses for parents…
It’s no wonder then that, many working moms and parents in general, dread the back-to-school period. An Indeed survey reveals 84% of mothers and 85% of dads are taken by surprise by the back-to-school challenges. A majority of moms (94%) tend to feel that the chores and childcare are their responsibility, which also puts a strain on marriages and partnerships. In addition, moms also tend to deal with managing the desire to be present during daytime activities at school, welcome the kids home, and take advantage of social opportunities with fellow parents, along with the societal pressure that accompany these. Considering the number of dual-earning households where both parents have to work, this can pose serious problems in terms of coordinating schedules, leading successful careers and having harmony at home.
For many, if not most moms, these pressures directly conflict with getting back to a more intense work and family pace for the last months of the year. This adds itself to the pressure to finish the year well, and successfully meet deadlines and deliverables before the end of the year. While the COVID-19 pandemic may have opened a wider door to remote and flexible work arrangements, increasing the number of women in the workforce, it’s also created increased childcare issues and is burdening women with handling both the home and work front simultaneously.
As such, developing a back-to-school system that works best for each working mom can go a long way towards lessening the frustration, guilt, and even home and work issues that often arise at the end of the summer months. Here are three steps to consider:
Developing a vision and plan for the back-to-school season:
As mentioned earlier, the back-to-school season takes many parents by surprise. The sheer amount of tasks and coordination involved leaves many a working mom especially frazzled and stressed out. One of the main reasons for this is, as many tend to not give thought to it earlier in the summer, they underestimate the breadth of what is involved. If we add to it current childcare shortages, increasing inflation and other societal, political, and economic pressures, the whole thing can end up turning into the perfect parental and family storm.
Hence the need to develop a vision and plan beforehand. This involves starting at least a couple of weeks earlier, considering all individuals involved, including parents and children, but also the communities around, the schools and workplaces involved as well. How do we want the back-to-school season to feel? What errors and mistakes do we want to avoid?
Putting together all the schedules of all individuals and places involved allows to spot and fill in the blanks, that is all those times, commitments and duties that may require assistance and support, and find ways to approach these.
Set up a communication plan:
Very often, especially as working moms, we fail to communicate our needs and expectations, especially during harsh seasons. Being so accustomed to literally doing it all, or doing most of it, has robbed many of the skill to ask for help. As a result, overwhelm, frustration, even burnout ensue, unfortunately leaving us depleted and drained. This is where setting up an effective communication plan is crucial.
This entails communicating personal and professional needs and expectations, as related to scheduling, administrative tasks, school and family events as well as finances to the units that make up our communities, including home, work, schools, and the villages we operate in. Some examples include asking for remote and flexible work arrangements, coordinating schedules with partners and family support, or asking for teachers’ assistance.
Take action!
Last but not least, the last part of this system is to take consistent and dedicated action towards making this back-to-school system work. Change requires preparation and consistent action, and back-to-school changes are no exception. This is where implementing small modifications to personal, professional and family habits come in handy, such as progressively modifying bedtimes and wake-up times or slowly reinforcing daily study habits. Stacking habits, whereby new habits are built upon already existing ones, such as scheduling study time right after breakfast, can also help.
Most importantly, maintain the consistency of small changes over time makes all the difference. Involving the whole family, setting up a rewards system, or regularly motivating everyone can go a long way to keep at it!
All in all, back-to-school, while being a busy time for working moms and working parents/families as a whole, doesn’t need to be a time of struggle, frustration and anxiety. Setting up a solid system based on a strong vision and plan, adequate communication and consistent action can help transform a usually dreaded time of year, into one of successful transition.
What are your tips for a successful back-to-school season?
In this episode of the TCS podcast, I’m chatting about the cruel summer ceiling for working moms (in my best Taylor Swift voice). By summer ceiling, I mean all the obstacles facing working moms during the summer months as they juggle increased childhood, caregiving, and household responsibilities due to school closures, with career and personal demands.
Although it is not a tax, the “pink tax” refers to a pricing structure favoring women’s goods and services. According to BALANCE, women pay around 13 percent more for personal care items like body wash, shampoo, lotions, and perfume than men. Even razors targeted at women were 9 percent more expensive. Pink is a common hue for packaging products for women , thus the term “pink tax.”
According to the U.S. Census Bureau, full-time American women earn 83 cents for every dollar earned by males. Women have been impacted by this discrepancy all of their lives, especially women of color, from the beginning of their professions until retirement. Women also earn less in Social Security and pensions due to lower lifetime incomes than males. This is compounded by the fact women are expected to pay much more for identical products during their lifetimes than males due to lower salaries and higher expenditures on personal care items.
As a result, women tend to make less money overall due to the gender wage gap, yet still pay more than their male counterparts for the same products due to the pink tax. The fact that women often live longer than males adds an even heavier weight to these statistics.
Indeed, the average lifespan for American women is 80.5 years compared to 75 years for men. As such, women are indeed being paid less and charged more. Additionally, they also routinely endure more significant levels of stress, anxiety, social inequity, and lower income than men. This creates massive problems for women, as they end up having fewer savings to pay off debt or build emergency savings.
Another compounding factor of this blatant inequity is that while men tend to accumulate more debt than women, their financial means allow them to take prompt action to pay off debt through debt consolidation or any other debt relief options. Yet, the same thing can’t be said about women who tend to have less savings and need to be more careful about their finances and tax.
The Pink Tax Repeal Act, which “prohibits the selling of equivalent products or services that are charged differently depending on gender,” was reintroduced by Rep. Jackie Speier in June 2021. Since reopening the dialogue, some states have started campaigns to eliminate discriminatory taxes. Twenty-four states have abolished the luxury tax on products used for period care. Gender-based pricing in services like dry cleaning and hair treatment is prohibited in New York City, Miami Dade County in Florida, and California. However, these states may charge higher fees if the service demands more significant time, effort, or expense.
How to avoid paying too much on pink tax
Although the pink tax and inflation won’t go away soon, women may still take action to avoid paying too much on certain products. After all, a penny saved is a penny earned. Here are a few ways to avoid the pink tax:
Purchase gender-neutral goods
Depending on how much you favor nicely curved pink razors or flowery-scented deodorants, as well as how much math you have the time and energy to do when shopping at CVS after work, this may be simpler in principle than in practice. Since men’s and women’s items sometimes come in different sizes, you can’t always just compare costs. Instead, you should calculate the prices per ounce if it is not already stated and compare these.
Consider purchasing products that don’t require two different versions—one for men and one for women—such as shampoos, soaps, and razors. There are also several unscented men’s or gender-neutral bath products available on the market if you don’t want to “smell like a guy.”
Even certain perfumed goods for guys might appeal to ladies. Similar items are subject to the “pink tax,” although occasionally, brand or variety has a more significant impact on price. Many female-focused online merchants also provide pink tax-free personal-care goods via subscription programs if you’d rather stay with feminine alternatives. You may reduce pink tax costs with this method.
Purchase garments that don’t require dry cleaning
Purchase clothing that can be machine-washed, hand-washed, and line-dried, such as no-iron blouses. Even in states like California or Washington, DC, where it is illegal to discriminate against customers based on gender at establishments like hair salons or dry cleaners, you will still be charged extra if you want your long hair trimmed or a nice shirt cleaned.
However, it certainly isn’t easy to find apparel that is initially less expensive, especially if you’re plus-size. There is also limited recourse you have to stop certain shops from charging more for women’s clothing than men’s, other than to protest when you notice it happening.
Purchase reusable menstrual supplies
One of the most sinister aspects of the “pink tax” is that it forces women to purchase goods that men don’t need at higher prices, such as sanitary supplies for instance. While shops or manufacturers cannot legally be held responsible for this disparity, there certainly is a push out there to level the playing field in this regard. Indeed, there is a campaign to make menstruation products free for women, as well as a movement to outlaw sales taxes on tampons as they discriminate against women.
In the meantime, you may save money by utilizing reusable products like the Diva Cup, sea sponge tampons, reusable pads, or Thinx period underwear. In addition to being more environmentally friendly than single-use items, some of these goods could also be healthier to use.
Reduce your use of pricey makeup
This is likely something you already do if you feel at ease doing it. It’s also another example of how gender standards cost women more than males.
Complain against discrimination
Speak up if you see a particular manufacturer or merchant attempting to impose absurd gender pricing on unaware customers! Make a call to the corporate office or the manager. Post a review of the company on social media, contact the consumer protection office in your area, and inform your friends.
In practice, it could be more challenging to outlaw gender-based pricing for goods than services since so many variables are at play, such as packaging and marketing variations, that are acceptable justifications for corporations to charge more. Yet, businesses may change or modify some of their practices if customers cease purchasing particular goods or protest.
Develop greater discernment
It also helps being informed about price discrepancies, and going above and above to locate the most significant goods for the money, regardless of packaging. Speaking up if they notice unfair pricing is another alternative. A powerful way to voice dissatisfaction is to complain on social media, in consumer groups, to local lawmakers, and to the business as well. Consumer behavior can provide manufacturers with valuable information.
When shopping, check if there is a pricing difference between the women’s and men’s versions. If there is, check if the quantity and composition are similar. Take a photo of both goods and include the hashtag #AxThePinkTax if they are identical.
Conclusion
It’s important to remember that the pink tax is just one example of how women can be unfairly disadvantaged in the marketplace. By being aware of these issues and addressing them, we can work towards a more equitable society for everyone. It’s high time women set concrete financial goals and work on them.
Author Bio: Attorney Loretta Kilday has more than 36 years of litigation and transactional experience, specializing in business, collection, and family law. She frequently writes on various financial and legal matters. She is a graduate of DePaul University with a Juris Doctor degree and a spokesperson for Debt Consolidation Care (DebtCC) online debt relief forum. Please connect with her on LinkedIn for further information.
PS: Please note this post contains affiliate links.
How many times have you wondered why there are not more hours in a day? How many times have you been so frazzled, stressed, and paralyzed at the thought that you don’t have enough time to do everything that’s on your plate? And how often do you find yourself at the end of the day dissatisfied, disappointed and disheartened at how little you accomplished during the day? If you have, and are nodding out reading this, you certainly are not alone. I know I have, and still do feel like this way more often than I would like to.
As a working woman, and especially after becoming a working mom, these questions have haunted me over and over again. And it’s certainly not for lack of resources around it…After reading countless articles and books on time management, I’ve realized many of those are not exactly built for us working women and mothers. Like much of the advice given out there, it’s mainly tailored for our male counterparts who do not have the same pressures and demands on their time as we do. This in turn has prompted me to consider the ways in which I could build a schedule that really works for me. I was tired of feeling like I couldn’t accomplish my goals and objectives. Like so many, I felt frustrated not being able to move forward, and experiencing a sense of failure as a result of it.
What dawned on me afterwards was that maybe the lack of time wasn’t the main issue. Maybe the issue after all, was a lack of alignment between the schedule I tried so desperately to make work and myself as an individual. Research shows making a plan and establishing SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Time-bound) goals increase the chances of accomplishing our objective. However, what I didn’t find much talked about in the research is how goals really tie in to who we are and not just what we do. Too often, we focus on the tasks on our to do list. We define ourselves by what we do and most importantly what we achieve and accomplish. At the end of the day, for many of us, we perceive, and so do others that it is what makes a successful. As a result, we often end up getting sucked into a tsunami of to-do’s, without clearly relating what we do to who we are. In turn, this creates goals and objectives that do not fit us as individuals, and as such are so much harder to reach, making us feel powerless and disempowered in the process.
This is especially relevant for us as working women and moms, as our nurturing nature often puts us in positions where we tend to consider others’ goals and objectives before our own. In addition, the pressure to conform to society’s expectations and demands often leads us to take on these expectations and demands as our own. Hence why so many of us find ourselves powerless in our careers, and by extension in our lives. The same goes for our schedules.
After years of fighting against the clock, and not feeling accomplished at the end of the day, I started asking myself if the goals and objectives I was pursuing were really the right ones. This prompted me to get more attuned to my inner voice and what brings me joy, what makes me feel fulfilled, what gives me a sense of accomplishment as opposed to what the world considers “accomplished”. And little by little, I started building my schedule around these. What I noticed as a result was not only an increase in productivity, but also in the sense of empowerment, joy and fulfillment as I started turning my schedule into something that was more reflective of myself.
As a result and after talking to many other working women and moms around me, I started building my schedule around three main principles:
The Dream time
Carving out time to pursue dream ambitions and life goals is essential to our happiness. As a working woman and mom, this was time that often eluded me. As a result, I often felt frustrated because I didn’t have time to write, and go towards the things that really brought joy to me and nurtured my soul. Whenever I try to create more of that time, it almost seemed like I was taking it away from my family, my social relationships and other commitments already lined up. A strong sense of guilt would ensue which would leave me even more depleted and dissatisfied. This is where I made a conscious decision to intentionally carve out what I call my “dream time”. For me, it meant waking up a bit earlier to have some me-time, and tackle personal and professional projects. Despite having to be more disciplined and organized, I could feel my enthusiasm, motivation and joy increase. Paradoxically, the more disciplined I became in intentionally building my “dream time”, the better I was with myself and others.
Carving out your dream time is going to require discipline, organization, and is definitely not easy. However the more you build the habit, the easier it becomes, and the more joy you’re bound to experience.
The Sacred Time
Building a schedule that reflects more of who I am is also making time for the non-negotiables in my life. Those are the sacred areas of life that we can’t reclaim back. For me, it’s time for faith, time for self, and time for family, friends and important relationships. Often, time spent at work or running around from commitment to duty to obligation can take us away from our “sacred time” time, resulting in disconnection, loss of relationships and even decreases in mental health.
What I learned from trial and error is to make sure my sacred time is always indeed treated as such. What this means is also striving to block my calendar, and build serious boundaries around my time. As a working woman and mom, I found that it allowed me to lessen the sense of guilt that I would get when working or engaging in other activities because I would know that I had respected my sacred time before hand. This also allowed me to build deeper, more intentional relationships with the people near and dear to me.
Carving out sacred time in an intentional and organized manner also requires much discipline, organization and boundaries. However, doing so can lead to much more satisfaction and much less guilt as working women and moms.
The Impactful Work time
As a working woman and mother whose time is certainly not infinite, doing work in an effective and impactful manner is crucial. Yet I was finding that many times, I was spending time on work that didn’t reap the desired results. It almost felt like wasting time, which ended up being costly in the long run because each hour wasted would have repercussions on my personal and private life, as well as on my sense of fulfillment and worth.
This is where I started paying attention to the concept of impactful work. It is the idea that one should focus on work that creates a true, long lasting and effective impact. Was the work I was doing really creating this type of impact, or was I just doing busywork much of the time? This was a tough question to ask myself, as it also forced me to put my work habits, discipline, and work ethics into a question. Yet this also provided the opportunity to really define what impactful work was for me, and how to best achieve it.
Defining impactful work for yourself as a working woman and mother, and as an individual in general, will help you streamline the many tasks and to-do’s on your list. It will help you focus on what truly matters, what will matter tomorrow, next year, and in the next 5 to 10 years. With this type of focus, irrelevant tasks are eliminated, delegated, or postponed. Instead, relevant and impactful work is prioritized, put to the forefront, and dedicated a greater and more acute level of attention and focus. And ultimately, this is how impactful, deep work gets done.
For us as working women and mothers, it allows us to not have to give up on our careers, and our work in general because of lack of time or availability, but instead multiply our productivity and impact in less time.
Overall, carving out your dream time, your sacred time, and your impactful work time allows us as working women and mothers, and as individuals in general, to build schedules that truly work for us and reflect who we are. How we define our dream time, sacred and impactful work time will certainly differ for each and every one of us. Ultimately, it will help us create the life and work that are truly aligned with our purpose and with ourselves.
Now let me ask you, how do you define your own dream time, sacred time, and impactful work time? If you had to build you a schedule based on these three principles, what would fit in there?
