by Solange Lopes | Dec 4, 2013 | Career |
Photo: dreamstime.com
“Can you go get that file?” “Do you mind getting the coffee?” “Could you make these copies?” Many of us corporate sisters, if not most of us, have been in these uncomfortable at best, unnerving at most, situations when as the only woman in the room, or one of the only women in the room, we were made to wear the “secretary hat”. You know, when you get that sense that you are expected to be more of a nurturer than an actual equal collaborator…
Women have long been put in the caretaker category, and it’s no surprise that in a male-dominated workplace, the perceptions and stereotypes are no different. And for double minorities such as Black women professionals (shouldn’t that even be considered a triple minority), the stereotype is all the more potent as it actually gets acted upon.
All of a sudden, here you are standing at the copy machine making copies for everyone else as the meeting is in session. Or lugging heavy binders back and forth to accommodate everyone else. As much as we must all be of service in our individual capacities at work and everywhere else, some boundaries still have to be established between what can be considered “service” and what actually goes beyond it…
In order to set a different path for ourselves and trump the stereotypes and negative perceptions associated with sisters in the corporate world, we must first have the courage to take our secretary’s hats off! We need to be able to step out of the caregiver and nurturer mentality to take our place at the meeting table. And we must learn to recognize the dangerous signs alerting us that we are not being allowed to fulfill our professional duties.
So how do we react to this? Do we just say no? Do we resort to anger and carry around hurt feelings? Do we repress these very same feelings and opt out of the conversation altogether?
Many are the alternatives, few are the effective ones…What remains at the end of the day is that there is always a possibility to stand up for oneself in all situations, with professionalism and grace.
Whether it’s through the use of humor, or by gently suggesting that another team member helps carry out the impromptu assigned “secretarial” duty, or even by bringing the matter up to Human Resources if the noted pattern worsens over time, there are ways to bring much-needed attention to this problem. And by doing so, to teach others the boundaries between the acceptable and…well, the lines that should not be crossed…
Leadership is about being able to wear very many different hats, but it’s also about having the courage to take off those hats that do not fit us…And this may just be one…
The Corporate Sister.
by Solange Lopes | Dec 4, 2013 | Career |
Photo: urbanbellemag.com
For many, a healthy marriage and a successful career may not sound like they could go hand in hand. After all, how does one reconcile the sometimes strenuous demands of a corporate career without endangering the fragile equilibrium of matrimony and family? How can we muster enough dedication and commitment to keep pushing forward in our careers while still achieving the proverbial work-life balance? And last but not least, how do you manage to find the TIME to do both, all the while trying to put in extra hours and plan the occasional date with the hubby?
So it may seem strange to argue that actually working on your marriage may just give an added boost to your career. Yet it is very much true…Most married corporate sisters I’ve talked to over the years have admitted that as hard as it is to juggle career and family, the added stability of a healthy marriage has allowed them to be more effective at work. Besides, knowing that in the midst of their struggles and victories in the corporate jungle, they can always count on a supportive partner to lift them up in times of need,or just listen to them griping about that horrible boss, makes a world of difference.
In my own experience, I’ve found that a marriage, just like a career, takes work, dedication, commitment, and TIME…And it is necessary to allocate to it the right amount of effort and yes, TIME, in order for it to be a solid foundation for the rest of our lives, including our careers, for many different reasons:
Your partner is your partner, even after you’re done burning the midnight oil on that year-end project…And when you get home in need of much rest, guess who might just be there to give you a foot rub…Yup, not that year-end project…
Your biological clock is still ticking, despite all the embryo freezing technology and arguments about women’s fertility. It’s just nature’s course, and if it having babies is part of your life plan, a good marriage may just help…
You need the support system! As “independent woman” as we may all want to believe we are, it doesn’t hurt to use some support every now and then, or every day…Besides, having another pair of hands to pick up the groceries, shuttle the kids to soccer practice or just remember to turn the heat off, may just allow you to finish that report and submit it on time…
It’s better to take risks when you have a partner to fall back on than when you don’t…Successful careers take more than work and dedication, they also require a certain amount of gut and risk. And when you can jump off some bridge with someone by your side holding your hand, you should definitely work on not letting that hand go….
At the end of the day, being in a healthy marriage will make you happier than having a good job. It’s not just what a large body of research has found, it’s just what my grandmother will tell you after 60 years of marriage and a brilliant career…
Last but not least, divorce is way too expensive! As challenging as marriage coupled with a career can be at times, it may just not be worth starting over financially, professionally and emotionally again. Work on what you have, and it may just be what you need after all…
Do you think working on your marriage will boost your career?
The Corporate Sister.
by | Dec 3, 2013 | Career |
As corporate sisters trying to make it in the corporate jungle, we may at times be over-invested in our careers. As we try to make a difference and carve paths where few of us have tread, we may tend to take work with us wherever we go. It’s in our thoughts, all over our words, even in the way we interact with each other…
Many times, we are unable to just leave work at work. We feel that there is too much to do, too much to prove, maybe too much to fear? We store good and bad experiences alike in some cozy corner of our minds, playing and re-playing, over and over again, the victories and mishaps of the day. In the mirrors of our overcrowded psyches, molehills are turned into professional mountains, seemingly insurmountable, just as our stress levels peak higher and higher…
Here we are, at 10pm, fretting over our Blackberrys attempting to resolve issues that are better handled with calm first thing in the morning. Or over-extending ourselves in ways that are detrimental to our health, and ultimately to our careers. Or yet again, setting up patterns and expectations that we may not be able to satisfy in the long run.
Yes, it is certainly important to go above and beyond in our careers. And we can certainly agree that excelling at one’s job does require a certain measure of dedication and commitment. However, failing to balance out the different areas of our lives is a sure deterrent to our professional advancement.
One of the most precious pieces of advice my dear mother, herself a veteran of the corporate sisterhood, once told me, was this: “As a woman, and as a professional Black woman, the world will not be kind to you. But you’ve always got to remember to drop your career at the doorstep before you come home. You can always pick it up in the morning.”
Do you leave work at work?
The Corporate Sister.
by | Dec 3, 2013 | Career
Throughout my experience in the corporate jungle, as well as through many of my conversations with other corporate sisters, one of the most recurring comment I’ve come across, including straight from my own mouth, is: “I don’t want to be perceived as lazy!”
The stereotype around Black people being characterized as lazy is a real one, and has existed for as long as we can all remember. It exists in the workplace as much, if not more, than everywhere else. And for many of us, it’s a silent Damocles sword weighing over our corporate heads day in and day out. In an environment where perception still matters very much, many a corporate sister ends up suffering from the backlash of stereotypical and unjust perceptions, against which we have to fight back with what limited means we have at our disposal…
Some of us fight back with our innate sense of duty and responsibility, overworking our already depleted selves, dipping into our endless guilt reserves to find even more reasons why, no matter how much work we produce, we’ll never measure up…
While others end up getting stuck in this awkward place between repressed anger and destructive guilt, never quite sure which stance to take…
While yet again others stop buying into the mere theory that we can make it at all and flat out give up…
In any case, the effectiveness of the response rarely matches the breadth of the problem.
One thing I have come to understand is that stereotypes are just as hard to erase as a marker stain on a white shirt. They just exist, in all their incoherence and absurdity. And it’s neither our responsibility to feed them nor is it to circumvent them:
Do your best, without the pressure of over-extending oneself when unecessary is one way to not allow stereotypes to rule over us.
Set clear expectations and define fair boundaries from the start is also par for the course. It’s all about being honest with ourselves and others, honest about our expectations and that of others, as well as our limitations.
Always, always, always remain professional, even in the most challenging of situations. Your professionalism is your brand in the workplace, you have to maintain and nurture it in spite of all odds…
Are you giving in to the “lazy” corporate sister’s stereotype and working too much?
The Corporate Sister.
by | Dec 2, 2013 | Career
It’s Cyber Monday, and as much work as you may have to do, you know your mind is on some serious online shopping…
As a dedicated corporate sister, you may have waited until lunch time to browse the online sales…Or you may just have had the hardest time restraining yourself from peeking at the online goodies throughout the day…
And you may have even scored a deal or two…or three…and chances are your boss may have scored even more deals than you today, and may be wondering if his or her team is also shopping online…
Because Cyber Monday would not be Cyber Monday without all these mouse clicks in the office, and your own pleasure-filled smiles at the thought that at least the month-end reports look a bit less tedious after that fabulous pair of shoes you just snatched for half price…
You know you’re smiling…
It’s Cyber Monday, are you shopping?
by | Dec 2, 2013 | Career |
Anna Julia Cooper, the 19th and 20th century educator, and one of my inspirations, once wrote: ” Only the Black woman can say ‘when and where I enter, in the quiet, undisputed dignity of my womanhood, without violence and without suing or special patronage, then and there the whole…race enters with me.”
As corporate sisters, we carry more than just our bodies, personalities and competencies with us in the workplace. Every time we enter the meeting room, sit at the table, or participate in the conversation, whether we are conscious of it or not, we carry a legacy, a people, a race, and the story of nations with us. Yes, it certainly is a heavy burden to bear, and as much as we may not want to think about it, it is very much real.
What is certainly obvious is that we are painfully absent from the corporate landscape, and so many other landscapes…And as minorities, double minorities for that matter, we have a responsibility to ourselves and to those coming after us to make the best of the opportunities that come to us. Not just for our own sake, but also for that of our daughters, nieces, cousins and friends. Despite obvious obstacles in our way, we as Black women still are the pathway for many around and after us….
As we get ready to close this year and enter a new one, and as we already start thinking about resolutions and new beginnings, let’s keep in mind that as much as we are to enjoy where we are on the way to where we are going, every door we cross is also one we have the power to open for others…
Just like one of my inspirations, Mrs. Ursula Burns, first African-American CEO of a Fortune 500 Company, in this case Xerox, and one of the few corporate sisters leading the way not just for sisters, but all women out there; please take a listen to what she says about growing up poor:[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h0lTK4xN87k&w=420&h=315]
The Corporate Sister
by | Nov 30, 2013 | Career
As we just celebrated Thanksgiving, and as I thank each and everyone of you for taking the time to read and share The Corporate Sister, it occurred to me that one of the most effective career-boosting powers lies in two simple words: “Thank you”. As corporate sisters and leaders in all areas of our lives, showing gratitude is not just a quality for us to display when necessary or adequate, it is a trait to cultivate, nurture and perfect in ourselves, and through ourselves, in others.
Gratitude says “I am thankful for where I am on the way to where I am going”. It puts us in a place of power and achievement, where the positive outweighs the negative, where we can freely refuel our energy, increase our competencies, and receive more so we can in turn give more. When we are in a state of gratitude, we can more easily overlook our professional and personal burdens, the weight of our responsibilities, as well as the fear of failure looming in all of us. We can produce our best work because we are in our best state of mind.
In a corporate or any other type of work environment, people are the foundation. People like us or people who may be very different from us…People we have to work with, interactions we have to learn to manage, and results we have to show as competent individuals and teams. And that is ultimately where the simple power of gratitude comes in…As we surrender to it, it breaks down mental and psychological barriers, removing the obstacles and fears that prevent us from offering and receiving our best.
That’s the power of “Thank You”, and it may just one of our most important core competencies…
Are you thankful at work?
The Corporate Sister.
