As double minorities, Black women are at the intersection of gender and race when it comes to forms of oppression and discrimination. This is particularly prevalent in the workplace where the pay gap between white women and women of color, including Black, Native-American and Latina women, is the fastest growing, as stated by the Economic Policy Institute. It’s also why it’s important that Black women get adequate support, some of which comes in the form of serving as an ally to Black women at work.
An ally is someone in a position of privilege who supports and acts in solidarity with members of un-represented groups. Allyship in the workplace is powerful as it helps create a company culture fostering a sense of belonging and inclusiveness. However, it is sometimes unclear how best to define allyship in practical terms and what it means when put into action. While there are numerous ways to be an ally to Black women at work, here are 10 ways to act in the way of allyship to Black women at work:
Do your research
There is a lot to understand and a lot of history around the intersectionality of race and gender, as well as that of women’s rights and civil rights. Besides, a lot of revealing information can also be obtained from companies, businesses and institutions’ management and leadership composition in terms of diversity and inclusiveness. Understanding the negative impact of the wage gap for Black women, and how racism and sexism both shortchange working black women, may also require doing some research around it to truly grasp what’s at stake.
Black women’s experience in and outside of the workplace are very unique, if only from their unique positioning at the intersection of gender, race and class. When asked about their experiences in the workplace, they reveal through this Harvard Business Review interview the negative mental effect of being judged on criteria other than their work, having to be unauthentic, or needing a sponsor in order not to be weeded out. For these reasons and so much more, learning directly from Black women’s experiences is crucial for effective allyship in the workplace.
Speaking of sponsors, Black women can greatly benefit from sponsorship in the workplace. As a matter of fact, without having sponsors who can advocate for their promotions, raises and career growth, many may find themselves pushed out or not even selected at all.
Mentoring is instrumental for career growth and development. For women and minorities, especially for Black women, mentoring can be the difference between career success and career stagnation. However, it’s already challenging for women in general, and women of color in particular, to find mentors; which is a reason why serving as a mentor as an ally can make a world of difference.
Increased diversity in organizations and institutions also means hiring more minorities, among which Black women. Advocating for more diversity allows for hiring and retention practices to be improved to include diversity criteria, and create more room for Black women to attain positions of leadership.
One of the reasons why women of color, and Black women in particular, have limited impact in their workplace, is because their voices are often muted. This is where amplifying their voices, by simply highlighting valid points made by Black women during meetings, supporting their ideas, and pointing out instances where they are ignored and muted, has the power of creating a more inclusive and diverse culture.
Speak up about injustices
Ignoring injustices is contributing to their perpetuation. Keeping silent in the face of discrimination and oppression of any kind equates to condoning the latter. The power of allyship is exactly in using privilege to create change by first acknowledging the injustices that are requiring all of us to alter the structures, organizations and mindsets around.
Join organizations and trainings promoting diversity and inclusiveness
Organizations and trainings promoting diversity and inclusiveness also offer the opportunity to have constructive conversations, ideas and thoughts about how to serve as effective allies to Black women, and under-represented groups in general, in and outside of work. Some of these organizations include company employee groups for instance.
Contribute financially to organizations committed to helping Black women progress
There are many organizations committed to providing help and assistance to Black women in certain industries and fields. For instance, the National Coalition of 100 Black women, assists Black women in the areas of health, economic empowerment and education. Another example is the Black Career Women’s Network, that is dedicated to closing the gap of support in Professional development, mentoring and leadership access for Black women. By supporting these organizations as an ally, you also contribute to change.
Contribute to changing and/or creating new policies
Last but not least, one of the most lasting impacts of allyship is to change the foundation of organizations and institutions through policy creation and change. Whether it’s at the governmental level, or at the organizational level, contributing to positive policy creation and/or change can go a long way towards opening the door to much deserved opportunities for Black women at work.
Working women’s value in the workplace and in society has been undervalued for the longest time. Unpaid carealone, accounts for $10.8 trillion per year, despite women not being paid for any of it. The gender wage gap, or the difference between men’s and women’s earnings, amounts to 82 cents for women of all races for every $1 earned by men of all races, according to the 2018 Census Bureau. With all this daunting under-valuation, defining and asserting one’s worth as a working woman can constitute quite the challenge…
Being valuable is one thing. Defining and asserting one’s value, especially as a working woman accustomed to being under-valued, is another. How do you define what you bring to the table of your career, business and life effectively? How do you assert your worth professionally and personally? And what does it take to not shrink in fear of judgment when doing so? These may sound like simple questions; yet for working women, they embody generations and layers of self-doubt, lack of confidence and gender inequity.
Start with YOU
It all starts with you! This is where self-awareness plays a crucial role. Being in touch with who you are, nurturing your self-esteem and self-worth is at the heart of being able to assert your value as a working woman.
This goes further than the usual weekly mani-pedi and self-care. It’s about taking the time to connect with oneself, whether through silence, meditation, therapy or another technique, to develop a stronger sense of self. The more aware you are of yourself, the easier it is to understand what you bring to the table in the different areas of your life.
What is your WHY: The Purpose Question
The biggest reward we get from our work and life in general is from the alignment of WHAT we do with WHY we do it. The more connected and aligned we are with our purpose, the stronger our impact, the more solid our value, and the more fulfilled we tend to be.
What do you want to be known for? How do you want to be seen? How is what you’re doing aligned with your purpose?
Define your value
Developing self-awareness and understanding your WHY are the stepping stones to effectively defining your value. If you don’t know what you’re bringing to the negotiation table, you may end up going for whatever is offered to you and short-selling yourself. Adding some research to this, especially when you’re negotiating a salary or business investment, goes a long way in providing you with an edge as well.
What makes you unique? Your real value is in what makes you YOU. What are you good? What have your wins been historically? What makes you indispensable?
Set firm boundaries
Boundaries create value. When you set firm boundaries on your time, money, energy, and even expertise, you’re sending the message: “I have value, and I’m not willing to squander it unnecessarily.”
This also means saying yes for the right reasons and saying no when necessary.
How do you define and assert your value as a working woman?
May is Mental Health Awareness Month, and in these times of pandemic it is taking on a special meaning for everyone. For working moms especially, who are highly impacted economically and whose load is multiplied on the home, work and health frontlines, it is taking on a larger and more critical meaning by the minute. Yet, more than the unfair share of work and home responsibilities, it’s the mental load working moms carry that threatens their well-being.
It’s becoming increasingly important for working moms to take care of themselves and protect their mental health. Juggling the demands of motherhood and employment, not to mention the related economic and physical impact, not only take a mental, but also an emotional toll on mothers. One that we don’t talk about enough, and repeatedly ignore as a society as we keep glorifying the motherly sacrifice that is hurting more than it is helping anyone.
Faced with increasing demands on our time, energy and sanity, from inside and outside our homes, from our daily to-do’s to the mediatized messages around “doing and having it all“, it’s harder and harder not to fall victim to the temptation of constantly pushing ourselves. All along, we pretend to be fine. We pretend everything is ok, that we’re unstoppable, that we can take the heat, that we can attend the boardroom meeting AND be there for the kids’ soccer game, get dinner AND prepare the brief, and so on and so forth…We’ve just got to keep it together, at all times, at all costs…
Truth is, we don’t have to keep it all together. We don’t even have to keep any of it together. What we have to keep together is our mental health. What we must preserve is our wholeness, the same wholeness that our kids learn from and our communities are strengthened by. What we must fight for is our pulse, our capacity to be, live, and grow fully…And none of it includes over-scheduling ourselves and our kids, working ourselves to the bone, and feeling like we’re failing in all areas at the same time…
While there is a lot of expert advice on mental health awareness, protecting our mental health as working moms can start at home:
Let’s check in with ourselves
We check in with everyone else around us, from our families to strangers on the street. Yet, how often do we check in with ourselves? How often do we stop once during the day to simply ask: “How am I doing today?” How often do we stop and simply sit in silence and breathe?
Checking in with ourselves will let us know when we’re not ok, when the tightness in our chest is more than indigestion, or the constant headaches may be hiding something deeper. It’s the first gateway to taking our mental pulse, and the first step towards better mental health and wholeness.
How about letting go of the need to keep it together?
Why is it that we must tidy up the house before we leave, even if that means stressing ourselves and running late? Why do we feel that we must keep our homes, our families and ourselves looking a certain way, at the expense of our own sanity? Why do we feel the need to prove that we are perfect homemakers and can bake a cake three different ways? Not that there is anything wrong with keeping a tidy home and looking great, on the contrary, these are great, especially if they make us feel better. Plus who doesn’t love cakes? Yet, if it’s unauthentic or it’s coming at the cost of violating our integrity and authenticity, it is never worth it…Nothing ever is…
Letting go of the need to keep it together is hard. It’s going against all the messages we’ve been endoctrinated with at a very early age. It’s going against the very voices of our mothers, sisters, and friends. Yet, it’s essential, so we can stop suffering in silence to maintain an image that was never us…
When help comes in the form of therapy…
Asking for help is complicated. Asking for help when help is wrapped under taboo concepts such as therapy is even more complicated. It’s ok to fear it, and not want it at first, and believe we don’t need it…Everyone has their own journey, and makes their own decisions.
Yet, if at some fork of the winding road of motherhood, work, and life, we find ourselves needing an extra hand to take the next step, that may just be it…Even if it means someone else has to make the call for us, drive us, and wait for us at the door…
Dear Working Mom is our weekly letter to working moms everywhere, where we talk about motherhood, life, work and everything in between…
Dear Working Mom,
How many times this week/month/year have you set aside your own needs for that of others? How many times have you felt yourself shrinking, and sometimes even a bit resentful, at not being able to have a little tiny bit of a moment to yourself, to do something you truly enjoy, or just to be and breathe? How many times have you questioned yourself, only to be overwhelmed by this constant sense of guilt that seems to follow you everywhere, all the way to the bathroom as you strive to pee alone?
Yes, you’ve got a lot on your plate. And yes, you may not exactly in a position to pick and choose what to let go of, and what to keep of your obligations and commitments, because so many people depend on you. Yet, really, how much of all this stuff on your plate do you really have to take on all at once? Are all the to-do’s on your to-do list really to do? What would happen if you let go of some of the least essential of these, if you did not work all these extra hours to treat everyone, if you did not cook all the meals but taught the kids how to, if you did ask for the help you need? What would happen if you broke yourself a little less so others can remain whole, if you dared to say “No, this doesn’t actually work for me”, or “This is what I need‘’? What would happen then?
Maybe what would happen is that world would not come to an end…That others would come to your help, honor your value, and give you what you did not realize you really never asked for out loud…Maybe the world would open up entire streams of possibilities and opportunities as its usual gracious response to all those who dare to seek more of the wholeness they’ve always had but so selflessly gave away…
Maybe if you dared to please yourself for once, or twice, or a few times, you would realize that no one is going to break…That actually those who truly love you have been waiting for you to take yourself back, to take your time back, to take your wholeness back, so they too could learn through you to own their wholeness…That giving of oneself does not equate giving all of you because when you give all of you, you have nothing left to give…
Dear Working Mom, I hope today, and every day, even if it’s at the end of the day, or when the first rays of sun shine through the window of your soul, that you decide to put yourself first. I hope you don’t feel shame pleasing yourself once, twice, or many times, not at the expense of others, but at the expense of hiding your true, beautiful and unique wholeness to a world that needs it more than it will ever need your sacrifice…
Dear Working Mom is our weekly letter to working moms everywhere, where we talk about motherhood, life, work and everything in between…
Dear Working Mom,
So often, the world tends to measure and glorify your worth by how much you do. How much you dedicate yourself to your family, how well you’re able to “balance” it all, be it career, life or relationships, and how good you are at making it look all easy and glamorous in the process. The more you can do, and add to your already full plate, the more you’re glorified and encouraged to take on even more.
With enough time, external and internal pressure, you may have come to value yourself as a working mom based on what you do. So you keep going, despite being exhausted and unsure at times, adding to your already overwhelming to-do list, running from work meetings to the kids’ extra-curricular activities, making time to answer texts and hang out with the girls, and still managing to look impeccable in the process…
Yet, no one really knows as much as you do how tired and in need of a break you are. Even when it seems you can take a break, life manages to fill it up with chores to catch up on, programs to devise, and something extra to do…At the end of the day, you feel that you are defined by what you do rather than simply by who you are…What if you were not around? What if you couldn’t do what you do? What if…
It would take something monumental to happen for you to stop and observe the much-needed pause you’ve been craving for so long…And even then, you may still have someone to help, someone to rescue, some task to carry out…While you may find it challenging to resist the temptation to define yourself and base your value on what you do, there are a few self-probing questions that may help you, and all of us in the process, move back to valuing who we are and not just what we do:
Who are you when you’re not doing?
How many times have you asked yourself who you really are when you’re not doing? When you’re not taking care of someone else, working towards a goal or for someone else, or striving to satisfy yours or others’ expectations? What are the passions, likes and dislikes at the core of yourself, that you may have neglected to instead carry out your various responsibilities and duties?
As you ask yourself these questions and others along the same lines, you may find out some pretty fascinating things about yourself. You may re-connect with past loves and interests, discover some parts of yourself you may have buried deep inside a long time ago, and fall back in love with the individual behind the overachieving, high-performing woman.
How would you re-define yourself outside of what you do?
If you could re-define yourself, what would you do more of? What would you do less of? How would you re-invent yourself? What would your ideal life and work look like?
When you take some time away from doing, achieving and performing, you may just find yourself ready to go in a different personal and professional direction. Or you may find that some aspects of the way you’ve been living and working should change, or at least be modified somewhat.
How can you protect the truth of who you are?
When there are so many demands on your person, time and energy, how can you protect your authenticity? How can you remain to your true desires and nature when you barely have time to stop and take a pause to even discover these? How can you draw healthy boundaries that allow you to preserve the truth of who you are, while allowing you to grow into the best version of yourself, at your own pace?
As you distance yourself from just what you do and get closer to who you are, you may start feeling the urge to protect your precious authenticity from society’s demands and impositions. You may begin to think of stricter boundaries on your time, what you devote your energy to, and where you choose to put your attention.
Because Dear Working Mom, you are not defined by what you do. You have value and worth simply because of who you are…
