It’s the middle of summer, and I am trying out a new African restaurant with a colleague and a new professional acquaintance while nerding out on artificial intelligence during a work conference. Here I was, actually enjoying myself and advancing my career, while building in some fun and networking along the way. I also happened to meet other working women and moms, who brought their family and kids along, combining family time with career enrichment. But wait, is it actually possible to enrich your career in the summer, while still making time for family time and fun? To my own recent surprise, I have to say it is…
If you have ever wondered if the summer months are not exactly as valuable as the rest of the year in terms of career growth, you’re far from being the only one. For many of us, especially as working women and moms, summer can seem too slow professionally and too busy personally to really push our careers forward. It may even seem as if in terms of career advancement, the summer months may be partially, or even worse, totally wasted.
Yet, while summer is frequently a time of slowing down at work, especially for working parents as school is out for a few months, it can also be a great time to refresh and revitalize your career. As an ex-corporate girl who’s reconverted in academia, summer has gone from being a slower, somewhat aimless time at work, to being a strategic time for my career without necessarily taking away the “fun” of summer.
Here are 10 effective, yet enjoyable ways to revitalize your career in the summer, without sacrificing your summer fun:
Set A Vision for Your Career in the Summer
For many years, I did not even think of setting career goals for the summer months. Without setting a vision for these months, they ended up being aimless and directionless, even despite getting work done.
Setting summer career goals has allowed me to set a vision for these few months, and have a sense of purpose and motivation throughout. Some of my usual summer career goals include some enjoyable networking and learning, rest, (yes, rest!), traveling, and working on a flexible schedule.
Look into Flexible Work Opportunities:
Speaking of flexible schedule, being able to have flexibility in the summer has been a game, and career changer for me. As a working mom with my kids at home during the summer, not to mention travel and vacation plans, being able to build my own schedule goes a long way.
This is where exploring flexible schedule and/or work opportunities comes in handy during the summer months. This also requires planning ahead if flexibility is not already built into your schedule.
Have a Self-Care Plan
My summers are sacred, and part of the sacredness, other than the fact that I’m a summer baby (hello July babies), is the slower pace that favors more self-care. As a mom, not having to drop off the kids at school every morning, and being able to work on a flexible schedule, opens up the possibility of integrating more self-care in my daily routine.
Whether it’s brunch with the girls, or an early morning walk, or a more consistent exercise routine, making a self-care plan you can stick to is key. Often, this also allows to adopt and keep new self-care habits that can become part of our lifestyle.
Develop and Refine your Personal Brand Vision
One of the advantages of summer’s slower pace is the space to think! One of the aspects of my career and business that I take the time to revisit in the summer is my personal brand. Your personal brand defines how you are perceived, and what sets you apart in your field or discipline.
Taking the time during the slower months of summer to think about this can also help you develop your personal brand statement; which comes in handy when it’s time to clarify your career goals, or network more effectively.
Switch up your networking:
Speaking of networking, summer can be an ideal time to network more effectively, and probably, more enjoyably. As the slower pace of work may allow for a more relaxed perspective and lessened stakes as well, it can be a great time to attend industry conferences or seminars.
I’ve fallen in love with work conferences during the summer months. As many conferences encourage attendees to bring their families along, they can be a perfect opportunity to combine work and family time. During the slower summer weeks, they can also be a nice change of pace and an opportunity to experience new places and meet new people.
Build up your skills in an enjoyable way:
I know, I know, who wants to build up skills during the summer when all you want is lay on the beach and catch a break? That’s what I thought until I considered more enjoyable ways of learning during the summer months.
One of the most enjoyable ways for me to learn and build up skills is through books. Summer reading is one of my absolute favorites. Podcasting, books, informal learning are also enjoyable ways to build up your skills.
Refresh your workspace
Last but not least, while you’re on a summer refresh mood, why not use it to refresh your workspace? I love taking this slower time to declutter, redecorate and spruce up my workspace with less work pressure. As a mom, this is also something I can involve the kids in (or use as a formative summer experience or family activity).
As a working woman and mom, while the summer months can be especially busy (hello summer ceiling for working moms), they can also make for a great opportunity to enrich our careers. From setting a vision, to having a self-care plan and networking, we can turn this time into a breath of fresh work air.
For the first time in my adult life, I took a month off. An entire month off, traveling, seeing new places, swimming in the ocean and mostly “being” as opposed to “doing”. And it shocked the entire heck out of my system, my overachieving, productivity-minded, A-type working woman system…
As someone who became an academic later in life, after over a decade in the corporate world, having extended periods of non-mandatory, daily work is a privilege I never take for granted. Yet, having the option to take some time off, I mean, really off, with the exception of writing and research work which I truly enjoy anyways, did not come easy and without resistance. You’d think this would be an opportunity anyone would chomp at the bit to take and relish in. Yet, to my surprise, this precious opportunity initially left me stressed, frazzled, and frankly speaking, scared…
According to a research study conducted by social psychologist Tim Wilson, about half of participants asked to take part in “thinking periods” during which they would not do anything, rated the experience as unpleasant. When given the option to shock themselves rather than sit quietly and think, 25% of women and 67% of men chose the first option. As a slight reminder, the first option is the one that consisted in inflicting themselves an electrical shock! Anything but sit in quietness and just be left with their own thoughts! Would I rather shock myself than sit in silence and think? Probably not, but I can’t deny the experience might make me want for a load of laundry or two. In general, as human beings, we just tend to feel uncomfortable doing nothing. As women, while sitting still for a bit may come as a welcome break at times, doing absolutely nothing might be downright dreadful in the long run!
This is despite the fact there is actually a science behind the art of doing nothing. I refer to it as an “art”, because in a society that overvalues busyness over intentionality, meaningful nothingness is indeed an art. Yet, recent research has demonstrated engaging in rest and relaxation promotes overall well-being, creativity, and yes, even the sacred productivity we worship at the altar of our daily, busy lives. So why is it then so hard for women to do nothing, and actually enjoy it?
Whether associated with the “not doing enough” syndrome, or linked to the “time anxiety” experienced by individuals leading meaning-driven lives, I strongly believe the answer boils down to the fact that it’s so difficult for women to feel good about ourselves. Much of it stems from society’s perceptions of women’s roles and abilities in life and at work. These perceptions, in my opinion, also lead to what I would call the “rest bias” for women, whereby women are implicitly expected (and expect themselves) to constantly be doing something for others instead of resting. When coupled with the worship of productivity in our modern society, and the various biases afflicting working women and moms, the “rest bias” becomes particularly pronounced against, and felt by women who dare to bask in their glorious right to do absolutely nothing.
Much of it, in my experience as well as so many other working women and moms’, stems from gender-based and sexist perceptions and opinions. As a Black woman especially, I’m acutely aware of the role of racism, beyond sexism and gender-based discrimination, in shaping many of the rest-related stereotypes and opinions.
What would the world think of women who do nothing?
How would our very existence as women be justified, if we just did nothing?
What if we did not bear the children, clean the houses, cook the foods, do the unpaid and invisible labor at home and at work…
What if we didn’t strive to do twice the work for half the pay?
What if we didn’t work, mother, live, love exceptionally?
What if we didn’t save the world, quietly though, with an extra dose of humility and deference, because… patriarchal society, right?
At the end of the day, it’s this “swim or sink” mentality that has us gasping for air from the home to the workplace, toeing the thin line between merit and self-worth, questioning our place (and fearing to lose it) at every turn. It’s the “what if” mindset pushing us to follow the current, even when we’re called to fight against it. It’s the ticking time bomb in our minds when we lay our heads down to rest but can’t stop thinking about tomorrow night’s dinner and the unfinished report for work.
But what is the alternative, if there is one?
Well, I, along so many other women, are discovering there may just be a powerful alternative that’s been left out of the patriarchal instruction book. An alternative that would introduce to the world women who are actually rested, women who are no longer depleted, burnt out and exhausted…
But instead, women who have tapped into the power, and the accompanying struggle, of doing nothing, intentionally, beautifully, regeneratively…
Women who are tapping into things like meditation, nature walks, creativity, rest, and no longer apologizing for it…
Because it’s harder to think more clearly when we’re exhausted…
Because creativity is stifled when we’re burnt out…
Because resistance is lessened when we’re depleted…
Because it benefits generations of outdated, antiquated patriarchal regime when women are not at liberty to think, create, and resist…
So that one day very soon, we may know, not just women who work hard, women who strive, women who are tired…
Women who wear the brilliant yet frayed inside, capes of super-sheroes earned at the cost of their health, sanity and potential… So that instead, we may know, experience, and enjoy women who are rested…
Women who are regenerated…
Women who are full, and giving out of their overflowing cups…
Women who are fully, unapologetically themselves…
How do you fight the “rest bias” as a working woman and mom?
If you’ve found yourself drowning in summer activities’ plans, getaways, packing and unpacking for trips, all the while striving to have kids keep up with their summer work and you with yours, then you may have experienced a specific kind of mental load affecting parents from approximately June through September ever year… The mental load, which has been heavily discussed in the past years, consists in the invisible labor of managing your family and household.
This particular kind of mental load is the summer mental load, characterized by the heated (and costly) pressure of having to work, while having kids at home or on vacation, being the “fun” summer mom, and keeping all these hot balls juggling in the air without losing your last shred of sanity…
I’ve written before about the summer ceiling for working moms, as being this “conglomerate of professional and personal obstacles faced by working mothers during the summer months as a result of the scarcity (or complete lack) of childcare resources, couple equity and overall gender equality”. Add to this the constant mental weight of overcoming these obstacles through incessant mental planning, coordinating, organizing, and worrying, and you have yourself a special brand of mental load only sold to working moms in the summer, and not at a discount at that…
While I welcome the added flexibility in the summer as a professor, along with the gift of being able to be present with my children at home, I can’t deny the heavy day-to-day weight of the summer mental load. The responsibility to plan, organize and coordinate almost three months of travel, activities and learning, along with managing household, chores, grocery shopping, pick-ups and drop-offs, to cite a few, while keeping up with some level of work, gets uncontrollably weighty…even with a spouse or partner pitching in.
One additional component of the summer mental load for working mothers, especially for single working moms, is the financial aspect. Between the exhaustive (and often prohibitive) cost of childcare, summer camps, travel and other summer activities, not to mention inflated grocery prices, the added financial burden can quickly compound into financial loss and unending concern. This summer mental load is often overlooked by many, adding itself to the invisible labor of women, and further endangering their mental health.
I still remember being absolutely frazzled and mentally exhausted throughout the summer months as I ran from one thing to another, not having much time to myself despite it supposedly being a time of rest and relaxation. Relax, when? Yet, despite all the busyness, I never really got much of a sense of accomplishment, always feeling I was falling short somewhere, whether it was in my work, parenting, family relationships or friendships. Summer became a time I dreaded, instead of looking forward to it and appreciating the gift it’s supposed to be.
What can we do then to alleviate the mental load of working moms during the summer months?
Over the years, and after many a complaining session with the girls and exhausted ice cream binges late at night, I’ve made a few changes. Tiny, at first, then increasingly more significant at life became more demanding and my knees less forgiving. Here are a few of these changes that may help you, hopefully as much if not more they did me:
Acknowledge and talk about the summer mental load…loudly!
“Why aren’t there more women and moms talking about how hard this is?” This was one of my first thoughts when going through serious summer mental load, secretly resenting the fact that no one had bothered to warn me about it. Or about perimenopause in your 40’s, how annoying husbands become, or the reality of “underboob sweat”, but I digress… It seemed everyone was doing such a wonderful job at planning and organizing memorable summer moments, while I was nothing short of…struggling with frizzy curls and chafing thighs. I digress again…
There is power in sharing our struggles, rather than just putting our glorious moments on display, especially as working moms. Acknowledging and talking about how challenging summers can be for moms, can not only help other moms feel less lonely and isolated; but it can also prompt the solutions needed to alleviate the problem. Also, please note you’ve just been provided with a free pass to publicly vent throughout the summer, just saying…
Dare to seek and receive help!
Change happened for me when I stopped acting like “Supermom” and started asking and receiving help to face the summer months. This includes help from setting up and implementing a summer plan and budget, however loosely structured, to packing lunches, traveling, and keeping up with the daily grocery store trips. I’ve also learnt not to discriminate among the types of help and welcome it from as many sources as possible, including:
–Family and friends:
Ok, while the reality is that many working moms do not exactly have a full village to rely on, there can be some micro-villages to lean on. These may include our partners, family and friends, or even co-workers and colleagues at times, and may involve trading childcare services, taking turns, or even using bribery in moderate doses (gotta do what you gotta do)…
–Free local resources:
There are countless local resources in your neighborhood you may not have tapped into, from the public library to the local children’s museum and the local pool. Unfortunately, many of these resources are not used enough, and end up not being funded for lack of it. So the next time you hesitate to use your local library or neighborhood pool, just think you’re actually contributing to increase its funding. Also, consider your financial budget for some further incentives to save money for your next spa appointment…
–Technology
Can we talk about the “helpful” side of technology with parenting during the summer months? From free resources to city guides and budgeting hacks, technology, from social media apps to budgeting apps, has been an incredible help for me.
–Advocacy:
The summer mental load is a rampant issue for many, if not most, working women. This is where advocating for ourselves, as well as other working moms, whether at the local level or through national politics by voting, getting involved in the community and/or using your voice on social media.
Embrace self-care
Self-care? What self-care, you may ask, after a full day of running after the kids at the beach and washing sand-covered towels for days. Ok, I get it. But summers without self-care are a surefire way to lose whatever shred of sanity you may have left, plus your well-hydrated curls and skin, for good…
Whether you drop off the kids at the grandparents’, sign up for Parents Night Out at your local YMCA, or just take turns with a friend or colleague babysitting, please build in some time for yourself. And take it! Don’t ask for it, don’t apologize for it, don’t even negotiate around it, just take it! This means taking your work vacation you’ve been saving for the next emergency, allowing yourself a few hours while the kids are on a playdate, and yes, even locking yourself in the bathroom….
So, yes, the summer mental load is no joke at all for working parents in general, and working moms in particular. Yet, by acknowledging and talking about it, unapologetically seeking help and embracing self-care, this weight can be alleviated for so many working mothers.
What are you doing to fight the summer mental load as a working mom?
Have you ever considered becoming an entrepreneur and literally shirked at the prospect of putting yourself out there? Do you feel you don’t have the confidence it takes to launch your own entrepreneurial dreams, especially in industries and areas where women are in the minority and unfavored? Are you wondering how to be more confident as a woman entrepreneur?
I remember starting a side hustle a few years back, wondering how in the world the introvert in me would ever find the confidence to start and grow it. Even though I could somewhat hide behind my laptop screen while blogging, I still needed to put myself out there, which was scary to say the least. Fast forward over a decade, I’m still growing and putting myself out there, somehow building the confidence that I believed was severely eluding me when I first started…
In general, men are shown to own three times as many businesses employing people than women. However, in 2021, more businesses were started by women (49%) than by men (42%), mostly as a result of pandemic-related business opportunities. Women were also shown to own more younger businesses than their male counterparts, at the rate of 75% of 15-year old or younger businesses for women and 66% for men. However, despite these significant advances, there is still a notable difference in average annual revenue and funding opportunities between men and women-owned businesses, to the disadvantage of the latter. According to Biz2Credit, women’s businesses earned $199,136 less than men-owned businesses in 2021. On the funding side, while men were approved for 67% of the loans they applied for, women could only achieve about half of this.
With these dismal statistics in mind, how does one muster enough confidence as a woman entrepreneur? Is it even worth the try?
From my own unconventional experience as a side hustler, an introvert, and a multiple minority in the entrepreneurial world, here are a few tidbits from my own experience that may help:
Start with your strengths and desires!
This may be the most unconventional business advice you may have ever received. Much of the business advice out there will recommend that you create and grow a business in a profitable field or industry. While this is valuable advice, it often skips the part where your strengths and desires should also be considered.
What has served me best (and still does) has been to focus on my strengths in areas where I can find the joy, motivation and strength to keep going despite the odds. It’s also what I refer to as my “zone of confidence”.
Focusing on your strengths, your core skills and desires, especially when you’ve already gotten positive results in those areas, will help you develop and cultivate the confidence and resilience to get started and keep going. This is especially important when the going gets tough, and all that’s left most days is the sheer will to keep forging ahead…
Grow slowly and incrementally
In the era of continuous metrics and overnight success, slow, incremental growth is not the most popular business concept out there. Yet, in terms of raising your confidence levels, it may be just what the doctor ordered.
In my own experience, solidifying one area before growing another one has helped me develop the assurance needed to keep going. It may be tempting to give in to the “shiny object syndrome” affecting so many, especially in the online space, trying new tools and gimmicks every other day. However, focusing and developing one key skill and area at a time, may help boost your expertise, thereby increasing your confidence in the process.
Get your numbers straight!
As you could tell from the discouraging statistics above, women-owned businesses, while growing more in recent years, are still lagging behind men-owned businesses in revenues and funding. This is also where many women lose their faith and confidence in starting and growing successful businesses.
As a CPA and consultant, I’ve had the privilege to witness the evolution of some women-owned businesses, many of them plagued by financial inaccuracy and lack of financial confidence. This in turn has significantly reduced their opportunities to go after various sources of funding, and increase their revenues.
Getting clear on your business’s financial goals and objectives, as well as its financial results, can help alleviate some of these doubts. This can impact the business’s revenue generating ability, as well as increase its chances to obtain more funding.
Own your stuff!
With the advent of social media, many women entrepreneurs, and many entrepreneurs in general, are hosting their businesses on online platforms like Instagram or TikTok. However, as has been shown through algorithm changes and technical outages, these may not be as reliable as most may believe. As a matter of fact, many entrepreneurs and creatives have been painfully griping about the loss of revenues and influence they’ve been experiencing on these same social media platforms for the past year or so. Talk about a loss of confidence…
As a woman entrepreneur, the more control you can have of your business, the more confidence and motivation you can muster to continue growing. This can be achieved by actually owning and managing your own business platforms, whether it’s your own blog, website, or physical location.
Avoid the trap of comparison
One of the most precious pieces of business wisdom I’ve gathered over time is to avoid the trap of comparison. There is always going to be a business that is more successful, generates more revenue, has more followers on social media, etc…That in itself is enough to destroy any entrepreneur’s confidence…
While I have certainly succumbed to the temptation to compare my micro enterprise to other solopreneurs, especially in the online space, distancing myself from it has helped boost my confidence levels over time. For me, this means observing some social media cleansing periods, not overly focusing on popular metrics, and developing my own goals and objectives.
Overall, developing a solid sense of confidence as an entrepreneur, whether at the micro-level as a solopreneur or side hustler, or on a larger scale, does not have to be an impossible task. By focusing on your own “zone of confidence”, growing incrementally and avoiding the trap of comparison, you can actually leverage your entrepreneurial venture to boost your sense of confidence.
How are you developing more confidence as a woman entrepreneur?
The other day, I was in the middle of disciplining one of my babies (who are no longer babies), when the thought “ I have no idea what I’m doing” crossed my mind. As a Black mom of a pre-teen and a full-blown teenager, these moments in my working mom life are happening more and more. Whereas they used to be far and few in between, now during this teenage phase, they have become more the norm than the exception. Truth is, there are few things like raising teenagers (and kids in general) that will also raise both your blood pressure and insecurities as a mom and a parent in general…
Have you ever, like myself, been in the middle of disciplining your child, only to question your own confidence, adequacy and aptitude as a mom? Have you ever felt that you needed a larger supply confidence as a mom? And really (tell the truth), have you ever wondered if there ever were a “mom confidence training” class somewhere? Ok, I’ll give in, I know I have…
Whereas confidence is more often associated with career and work skills, there is not enough talk about how many moms like myself find themselves needing one (or many) extra shots of maternal confidence, especially in current times. While parenting has always been a challenge for most, if not all parents, the modern lethal addition and combination of modern technology, social media and mental health culture, among other factors, have made it both a virtual and physical gargantuan task for moms.
According to the 2021 research by the WealthiHer Network, 79% of women recognize they struggle with self-esteem. Further studies reveal almost two thirds of new mothers, or roughly about 63%, report decreasing levels of self-esteem after giving birth. Unfortunately, lack of confidence and self-esteem can result in self-doubt, which can then turn into burnout, anxiety, and/or depression.
As a first generation immigrant from Senegal, West Africa, the cultural clash between witnessing raising kids back home, and the corresponding reality in today’s America, has been trying to say the least. As a Black working mom juggling motherhood, career, marriage, laundry, and all the rest of life in the midst of a world still struggling with racism, sexism, and discrimination of all kinds, it’s been akin to walking a tightrope threatening to break at any moment. Add to it all the modern advice and literature around conscious parenting (thank you Dr. Shefali), childhood trauma, and the rampant mental health epidemic among the youth, and there’s an explosive cocktail of parental confusion with strong notes of mothering guilt and not-so-subtle undertones of societal crisis…And need I mention the lack of parental support, paid leave or a general infrastructure to assist moms? ‘Nuff said…
So how do we even begin to develop anything close to “mom confidence” in today’s world? How do you sift through all the biases, traumas, dreams, and responsibilities to uncover the secrets to raising well-balanced kids without losing your sanity and very last coin? How can we, as not-so-proud holders of multiple minority statuses, whether as Black women, women of color, and women in general, take back our power when it comes to raising our children?
Well, since I have not found the mothering secret (or any secret for that matter) or magic recipe, here are some tidbits about my humble own experience, and that of the many working moms I’ve had the privilege to share this mom path with;
Learn and adjust!
Modern motherhood is not for the faint of hearts, especially when navigating the cultural and racial , as well as technology, social media and mental health issues that plague our world and societies. In an ever-evolving world, constantly adjusting and learning become indispensable. As a Black woman, an immigrant floating between different cultures and realities, learning is a constant necessity.
As a lifelong nerd and academic, much of my learning happens in books. I’ve also been gifted with precious sisters, aunts, mothers whose advice, conversation and support have taught me more than I could ever learn from the pages of any book. This learning has also informed much of my work and career, and progress in other areas of life.
What learning is motherhood pointing you to? What unanswered questions can you find answers to? What are the safe spaces, places and people you can learn from?
Build and leverage confidence in other areas, including your career
While I always proclaim that being a mom has made me a better career woman, the reverse is also true. In many instances, the confidence I’ve gained in my career has allowed me to show up as a freer, more authentic version of myself as a mom. It’s allowed me to trust myself, my intuition and my God-given skills and abilities, including those of a mother. As a Christian mom, my faith has been the pillar of my confidence, which has also significantly helped ground me professionally and personally as a working mom.
In turn, this same sense of confidence has kept fueling much of my career and professional life, almost creating literal emotional, mental and even spiritual economies of scale throughout the various areas of my life. When I don’t feel as confident as a mom, I can remind myself of my spiritual foundation of faith and confidence. I can revisit all the times when I felt and acted confident at work, in my relationships, in my vocation.
Which areas of your life and work can you leverage to build and boost your confidence as a working mom?
Healing is key!
One thing that motherhood, and parenting in general, will unveil, is the core of yourself. You can count on mothering to awaken the wild beast of all your traumas, known or unknown (mostly unknown), and bring to the surface emotions, attitudes and reactions you would have never suspected in a million years. I know it certainly did (and still does) for me…
While my career has revealed over time some of the childhood trauma I have needed to heal from, motherhood has laid bare even deeper wounds I need to face. Indeed, one of the most precious gifts of motherhood is the call to heal. Understanding, and heeding, this call, through formal and informal therapy (read: books and endless girlfriend conversations), has been nothing short of a saving grace for me.
Has your experience as a working mom revealed areas where you need healing?
All in all, developing confidence as a working mom requires much more than many, if not most of us, anticipate at first. Through learning and adjusting, building and leveraging confidence from other areas of life and work, and focusing on healing, we can keep growing through motherhood.
What has been your experience developing confidence as a working mom?
